I have heard people say if you have sex with someone then you are married to them, but
is that really what the Bible teaches?
It's time to UNLEARN the lies.
UNLEARN
Hey, welcome to UNLEARN.
My name is Lex, and I'd like to invite you to join us each week as we UNLEARN the lies
and dig deeper into the truth of God's Word.
Now, let's get started.
Some people are teaching that if you have sex with another person, then you are automatically
married to that person, but that’s not what the Bible says.
The Bible says if a man takes the virginity from a woman, then he is obligated to take
her as his wife, but it doesn’t say he is automatically married to her.
“If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and
lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the
young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled
her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.”
- Deuteronomy 22:28-29
Notice that he is required to pay the bride price to her father before she becomes his
wife.
It’s not the act of sleeping together that made her his wife, it was the act of entering
into covenant that established the marriage.
Now compare this to a similar but slightly different example given in this same chapter
about taking a woman’s virginity when she is betrothed to another man.
“If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city
and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you
shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in
the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor's wife; so you shall put away the
evil from among you.”
- Deuteronomy 22:23-24
Notice that she’s a virgin who is betrothed to another man, but the Bible says the man
is punished because he humbled his neighbor’s WIFE.
It calls her his “wife”, and the punishment is the same as that of adultery.
She is already considered his wife because she’s betrothed to be married, even though
she is still a virgin.
This also indicates that it’s not sex that constitutes a marriage, it’s the covenant
that establishes a marriage.
She had already begun the betrothal process of entering a marriage covenant, so she was
already considered his wife, even though they had not come together in the bedroom yet.
There’s another example that’s given in Deuteronomy 22 about a man who takes a woman
to be his wife, expecting her to be a virgin, but finds out that she is not a virgin.
In this example the Bible says that she was “playing the harlot”.
“But if the thing is true, and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman,
then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the
men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done a disgraceful
thing in Israel, to play the harlot in her father's house.
So you shall put away the evil from among you.”
- Deuteronomy 22:20-21
A woman who gives her virginity away to a man who is not her husband is considered a
harlot according the Bible.
The punishment for this crime was the same as that of adultery, which shows us that they
are the same type of infidelity.
A woman who has sex with a person who is not her husband is considered an adulteress and
a harlot.
The Bible often uses the word “fornication” in reference to sexual activities done outside
of marriage.
In fact, if you look up “fornication” in the dictionary, you will find the definition
is “sexual intercourse between people who are not married to each other”.
This word is also translated as “sexual immorality”, and is used in various contexts
to refer to sexual activity outside of marriage.
In Greek, the word is Pornea, and it refers to prostitution, but it’s often used to
describe someone who is engaging in pre-marital sex, which lines up with the previous verse
we read in Deuteronomy that refers to the woman as a harlot.
A harlot is a person who sells the use of their body in exchange for money, but according
to the Bible, a person who has sex outside of marriage is a harlot.
However, they are actually in a worse state than a harlot, because they’re giving their
virginity away without even receiving payment for it.
“Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body…
Flee sexual immorality.
Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins
against his own body.
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you
have from God, and you are not your own?
For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit,
which are God's.”
- 1 Corinthians 6:13,18-20
When you commit sexual sin, you’re sinning against both God and yourself.
You are reducing yourself to the worth of a prostitute.
You’re making yourself into a harlot.
Don’t do that!
You’re a child of God, don’t defile yourself in such a way that you become a harlot.
You are to be Holy, set-apart for godliness.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;
that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,
not in passion of lust, like the heathen who do not know God;”
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
I know this teaching is not popular in todays world where virginity is looked down upon
and fornication has become so commonplace.
But, as followers of Messiah, we are not of this world, we are part of the kingdom of
God, and we are expected to live according to God’s standards of righteousness, not
according to the ways of the world.
Now, if you’ve already committed sexual immorality, you need to repent and stop your
fornication.
Ask the Lord to wash away your sins, and do not return to those things.
This is exactly what Yeshua told the woman who was caught in adultery when He said, “Go
and sin no more”.
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