- And, you know, that's what the beauty of standup is.
It's whatever you want it to be.
You know, you get up there and you
entertain people for an hour.
You share with them like your personal story
and you want to make it hilarious
and you want to make it impactful
and you want to leave people feeling something.
With the cart and the fork and the knife and they
set me up like I'm fine dining at 2 in the morning
with some chicken fingers.
As if I'm going to use a fork and a knife to
cut up my chicken fingers.
You could throw them at me across the room
and I will catch them in my mouth.
Is this like a very different way for you
to put together a show?
Because normally, comics get to test material in clubs,
and I imagine you didn't really have
any way to do that this time?
Well, I did.
What I did was--
I was like, listen, I want this--
I really wanted to put something out that could bring people
together and make people laugh.
You know what I mean?
We're not having a lot of new things come out right now.
And so I knew I could accomplish it if I
just really set my mind to it.
So we went back east when things were reopening.
I did run my set.
Because if I had done it cold after six months of not doing
standup, it probably would have been awful, which
it was the first few nights.
But I did these like really dinky comedy rooms
in Providence, Rhode Island.
I did the Comedy Connection, not to insult the comedy club.
But you know, it was like 30% capacity, social distancing,
their first reopening.
So you're performing in front of like 30, 40 people after--
you know, I'm used to performing in front of bigger crowds.
And so at first, you're just like, oh, this is awful.
And you're not getting the reaction,
because there's fewer people.
And then so I did warm it up.
I warmed up the show like for two weeks
at the Stress Factory in New Jersey and the Comedy
Connection in Providence.
Then I did my show and I did my taping.
So it all worked out.
Was it odd in any way?
Did it kind of seem perfect that you were still able to do
this show during this time?
How did you feel getting up on that stage?
I really was just so connected to this material
because it's the most personal I've ever done.
And it was so kind of--
it's a narrative.
It's a story I'm telling.
And there's a beginning, a middle, an end.
And it's just about, you know, my evolution.
And actually, like coming to terms with going to therapy,
finding out I was like a raging bitch
and having no clue that's how I was coming across, like being
that delusional and then paying somebody,
you know, to tell you what's wrong with you.
I figured it was time to go to a real therapist.
He said, I think you lack empathy.
Like a Republican?
OK, so this retreat that you talk about going to,
I guess I'm just curious, do you--
because you said like retreats really aren't your thing,
but is there any part of your mind
that thinks no go because it could be material or do you
not really look at life like that?
You just kind of live life and then material kind of naturally
extrapolates from that?
Yeah, I mean, I always go into any situation
that I'm not looking forward to.
It's like, oh, this will be a good chapter in my next book.
Yeah, I went to a retreat, you know,
one of those like Topanga Canyon, hmm,
Lululemon leggings, kale chips retreat.
And I wanted to get out of there as fast as I got in there,
because you know, when you're from New
Jersey or Nueva Jersey, as they say in [INAUDIBLE]..
You don't grow up talking about meditation, or you know,
manifestation, or the universe, or kale
as much as people in Los Angeles do.
So it took me a long time to even warm up
to the idea of seeing a therapist,
because I just thought, everybody talks about therapies
over in that group, you know.
I didn't think there was a gray zone.
I didn't think you could still be
sarcastic, obnoxious, and grounded
while also being therapized.
It is kind of like a full circle for me
to like come back to that place and be able to tell this story
now that I've made sense of it and now that I've been
able to make it, you know--
make it into a standup show.
Instead of making it something sad,
It's something funny, you know, that you can--
you know, you could still reflect on it,
you could still have those moments,
but you want to leave people with that--
you know, you want people to laugh
hard and leave this special--
feeling good about finally laughing hard.
Took my SATs tripping on acid.
I didn't get into college, but I had
a great time taking that test.
Did you really take your SATs tripping on acid.
Oh, you bet I did.
You bet I could, kiddo.
Well, and I think it worked out for you
that you didn't go to college.
You know, I overcompensate for the fact
that I haven't gone to college because I have that feeling,
you know, all my friends are college educated.
Not all of them, but a lot of them.
And my brothers and sisters.
So you definitely overcompensate for not being college educated.
So I educated myself in many different ways
in the absence of college and a multitude of ways.
But yeah, I'm proud of always--
I always have to finish every book.
I always have to prove myself a little bit more because I don't
want anybody to ever say that I'm stupid
or that I'm not educated.
Like I can tell by looking at your body
and talking to you for five minutes what drug
you are going to respond to.
Like my sister, she had trouble making
speeches at work because she would get dry mouth.
So I prescribed her propranolol.
That's a beta blocker.
I said, take one 30 minutes before you speak publicly.
She's been promoted twice.
You can look at a person, at their body type,
and after about five minutes, can figure out
like the type of drug that's best for them
they would respond best to.
Are you getting any vibes, any suggestions?
Not that I'm going to run out and buy drugs.
Just hypothetically speaking.
Right.
Well first of all, cannabis is legal in about 14 states
now, probably more.
So you're fine.
It's legal in California.
I assume you're in California.
I know exactly the kind of edible I would give you.
It's a micro dose 2.5 milligram gummy worm.
And I would start you out on that.
Oh no, it's a gummy bear.
Those are the small ones.
Just takes the edge off.
It doesn't change your personality.
It doesn't make you like cross-eyed.
It just makes you--
it sands down the edges and it makes everything and everyone
a little less annoying.
Oh well, sold, a little less annoying.
Got it. Got it right there.
I can't deal with the people that
work at Hudson booksellers.
What's wrong with those people?
What's up with the slowness of the transaction?
I said, I get the book and I wave it to the security camera
always.
I always say, hey, it's me, Chelsea Handler.
I'm taking this because your koala bear is on a branch
somewhere in the back.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh my god, I'm going to leave 40 bucks here,
and hopefully, that will find it when she comes out from her nap
and she'll find it before a stranger does.
But it's on this bookshelf.
I didn't steal.
I'm leaving.
And then I skedaddle.
Are there ever times or especially a time
like that make you miss having a talk show to be able to connect
with people on a daily basis.
I don't miss having a talk show.
I just don't miss the responsibility.
It kind of felt like I was way down
and I had to be in one place all the time.
And I don't like that feeling.
I'm too much of--
I move around a lot.
And I like to bop around.
I feel like I connect with a lot of people now.
And I feel like my projects that I'm doing, you know, my--
the things that I've done since I've left doing a talk show,
have much more heft, and they hold a lot more weight.
You mentioned, the book you were reading,
it says, you know, not to think about what you expect from life
but what life expects from you.
What's your contribution?
Are you-- are you coming closer to answering
that question for yourself?
Yeah.
I mean, stop thinking about what you expect out of life
and start thinking about what life expects out
of you was the quote from the Victor Franco
book Man's Search for Meaning.
And for me, when I read that, I mean, I just put it down,
and I was like, what?
I'm like thinking about [INAUDIBLE]..
Your aha Oprah moment?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was like life is expecting something from me,
what?
I thought I was here to just collect,
like, and have a great time.
And I was like, whoa.
And I had to read that sentence to think it, you know.
I hadn't thought it before.
So that was a big aha moment for me.
And not really opened up my eyes to start looking around
at other people instead of just my own experience,
and to understand what the different experiences
are in this country.
The passing of your brother is obviously
something you've dealt with in some capacity your entire life,
but not really dug into until the therapy, as you mentioned.
Had you ever previously considered
before this ever incorporating that into your standup,
into your comedy, because, of course, a lot of comedians
talk about using the dark moments
of their lives to fuel comedy.
You know, I have this incredible fan base
and I wanted to give them something
a little bit deeper and a little bit more meaningful.
Contribution.
Yeah, contribution, right, you know?
And I also-- there's this great scene in that movie,
Steel Magnolias, you know, right after Julia Robert's character
dies, and Sally Fields is--
she's like, I just want to hit--
I'm so angry.
I just want to hit someone.
And Olympia Dukakis pushes Louisa out.
Ahd she's like, here, hit Louisa, hit her.
And that moment, you know, where you're crying
and you're feeling so much and then
you just go right into the laughter
is a moment I've always wanted to be
able to achieve in standup.
So I really wanted to be able to kind of ring
that bell a little bit and bring people
through a real true emotional experience
then make sure everybody leaves laughing, you know.
Yeah.
I think you achieve that.
Steel Magnolia, as being one of my favorite movies,
and a couple times in my life, I have
put on that movie specifically for that scene
because I needed it, you know what I mean?
Like you need to like--
I mean, they know what I'm going through.
I can cry with this.
But they're going to leave me laughing.
It's just one of the best scenes ever, I think, in a movie.
There's a point where you're talking
about different times in your life
where you dated men older than yourself.
But right now, at 45, you don't want to date someone who's 65.
Now, I would just like to throw out
a couple options here, some celebrities
who are in their 60's.
And let's just act like they're all single for a second,
because some are married.
Tom Hanks.
Even better.
I'll just go after married guys at this point.
Tom Hanks.
Tom Hanks is sexy.
I've met him in person. He's sexy.
But they have a beautiful marriage.
They've been together forever.
So I mean I don't even really feel
comfortable talking about that, talking about Mr. America.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
exactly, exactly.
Tom Hanks is like Mr. America.
Right.
Liam Neeson.
Hot, hot, sexy, definitely.
And you know he'll fight someone for you.
Yeah, and he'll save you from a kidnapping on a train
or on a bus.
Yeah, or save you from taking edibles on an airplane.
Bill Murray.
Bill Murray is hot because he's funny.
I mean, yeah.
He's sexy, definitely.
Is humor like high on your list of what is sexy?
Yeah.
Like you don't have to make the joke but you
have to get the joke, you know?
You don't have to provide the comedy
but you have to be able to be like, yeah, that's funny,
and have a sense of humor.
I think the thing that turns me off the most about people
is people that, you know, take themselves too seriously.
That's just not fun ever.
No, not at all.
I hear you.
OK, back to our list.
Bruce Willis.
Yeah, sexy.
Yeah, he's sexy.
By the way, this is a great list of men
for me, potential suitors, except that half of them
are married.
Well, we'll see how it goes from here.
Pierce Brosnan.
Sexy too.
Also married for a long time.
He's really sexy.
Pierce Brosnan would be my A, number one.
Well wait, Liam Neeson may-- no, I think Pierce Brosnan
and then Liam Neeson would be number two.
OK, that's fair.
What about John Travolta?
Not sexy to me.
OK.
I hesitate even saying this last one.
James Woods is also in his 60's.
No, that's not going to do it for me.
But I appreciate you bringing that to the table.
Right. Of course.
Of course.
[LAUGHS] I feel like he kind of epitomizes
what you say you don't like about men in their 60's.
Yeah, I don't know James Woods.
I don't even think I've ever met him.
But I'm sure I have.
I say that about everyone, and they're like,
no, we've met three times.
I'm like, oh.
Have you had a chance to meet Andrew Cuomo?
Does he know about your joke in the special?
When he came on the scene, he looked like the Incredible Hulk
also.
You know, that big Italian gorilla.
He's like, put on your mask.
I'm going to go, I'll put my mask on.
Oh yeah, I will.
I'll put on my mask.
He's the kind of asshole that I will do shit for,
and you know he's an asshole, and that's
what I like about him, like an old fashioned asshole.
Somebody is going to tell me to sit down and shut up.
I want him to flatten my curve.
And then I want to flatten his curve.
And then I want us to apex together.
No, he knows.
He's aware of me.
Yes, I'm sure he knows what's up.
Yes.
Well I mean, I think he's single.
So--
He is single.
You should make that happen.
Well maybe I--
maybe I tried, maybe I did, who knows?
Oh, oh, oh, OK, I got you.
I cannot thank you enough for your time
and for doing this special.
I sincerely hope people tune in because it's worth
every bit of the one hour or so running time.
So yeah.
Yeah, October 22nd, Chelsea Handler Evolution on HBO Max.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Gerrad.
Nice to see you. - Of course.
Nice to see you too.
Take care.
Bye.