- [Man] Hi all, so my ex-girlfriend, 24,
told me she needed a break to find what it is
she really wants in a serious relationship
and some underlying issues she deals with.
We didn't take space from one another,
she broke the whole relationship off.
She somehow still wanted to be friends.
We had been dating for almost two years, come November.
The days before she told me she needed a break,
while talking to her, I noticed she was constantly
messaging one guy in particular.
I'm not sure how long they had been
messaging one another, as I trusted her.
When I asked, she said he was an old friend
from elementary school, but I had never heard
of the guy up to that day.
Now, fast forward a week.
I see she has him and his daughter over with her family,
forgot to delete her mom who posted a photo to Facebook.
Would that stage of talking to the one guy,
be considered cheating while still
being in a relationship with me?
I am all new to this. So any help is greatly appreciated.
Thank you, everyone who has given a response.
The old friend was an elementary school boyfriend.
I will be breaking the friendship off
and moving on with my life.
No one is worth this BS.
(beep)
- [Man 2] She wanted to take a break to find out
if this other guy was going to work out and if not,
"Hey, honey breaks over, you were the safety net,"
if she failed.
Don't be friends with her,
just block her number and go 100% no contact.
She knew what she was doing and tried to frame it in a way
that didn't make her look like a cheating girlfriend.
Move on. Party's over.
Turn the lights off on this one.
(beep)
What happened to the OP pretty much happened to me.
You're 100% correct.
(beep)
Exactly. Chances are there's more than one, too.
(beep)
This is common.
She wanted to try the other guy out,
but didn't want to be labeled a cheater.
So she ended things with you first and she wants to stay
friends in case things don't work out with him.
You are what is referred to as the plan B guy.
The best thing for you to do is one of two things,
ghost her, or tell her you know what she did
and that she is to never contact you again.
Then block her.
(beep)
Sorry, to answer your question, yes, it's cheating.
It's not that she talked with another guy,
but that she talked with him and kept talking with him.
After realizing she had every intention of getting into
a relationship with him.
That said, if she could have admitted that upfront
and told you what was happening and said that
the relationship between you and her should end,
then I could see it as potentially forgivable,
but she misled you.
And now has the audacity to try to keep you
in her back pocket.
Whether you forgive her or not, or naively
try and fool yourself into believing that's not
what she's done and is doing, is up to you.
(beep)
This is cheating, because to establish the swing to the next
branch means starting an emotional affair.
People justify this behavior as just having friends,
but, friends they're not, they are orbiters,
backup boyfriends or girlfriends.
(beep)
She has you in her rear view mirror, just walk away.
You don't want a person like this in your life,
it's nothing but bad to worse.
(beep)
She played your ass bro, to hell with her.
You're better off finding someone
who really wants to be with you.
Don't fall for tricks.
Once she comes crawling back, you gotta hit her with,
"Nah, baby, I'm not going to be able to do it.
You blew it, threw it all away because you were stupid
girl, why did you do it"?
(beep)
This is very simple.
Any relationship, be it romantic or just friendship,
requires open and honest communication.
Without it, there's no friendship.
It is just an acquaintance relationship.
She has intentionally been hiding this relationship
and communication from you.
I agree with the other observations, she is cheating.
She set up the break as a means to be with the other
person without having to explain herself to you.
I agree that this was clearly developing
while in a relationship with you.
And I agree she is keeping you as a last resort.
Do you want to be with someone
that has so little respect for you?
Do you want to be friends with a deceitful person?
If I were in your shoes, I would call her and tell her
that you know she is lying and that any form of friendship
is off the table and wish her good luck in life.
And then tell her not to try to contact you at all.
Then block her on all media.
Now move on to find someone
that will want to be with you and only you.
(beep)
Bye THOT, that's literally the only thing you
need to know, brother, she is done with you,
which means you are done with her, period.
End of story.
You can cry about it and sulk about wanting two years
with a THOT, or you can get back to life
and remember she had nothing to do with it.
Remember this and take it to heart.
No matter how good she looks, someone somewhere
is tired of her crap.
(beep)
Brother, she is using you.
She treats you like a backup boyfriend.
If I were you, I would break it off
or even talk with her and say that you don't want to be
treated like a backup boyfriend.
By doing this to you, she has little or no respect for you.
If you have no respect for a person,
how can you even love them?
Good luck. I hope you make the right choice.
(beep)
She's been with that guy before she broke up with you.
It's called branch swinging. Look it up.
When a woman tells you she needs space,
it's almost always because she's cheating.
(beep)
Dude, you're young, dump her ass and move on.
There's better fish out there.
(beep)
Anytime you hear your girl say something like,
"Oh, he's just a friend".
That's how you know that she's doing something
shady behind your back.
(beep)
Sounds like she put you on the back burner to see if things
could work out with another guy.
You were her backup plan.
(beep)
Seems like you need some closure.
I say that because you're needing validation
that she cheated.
Of course she did.
Now knowing that, does it make you feel better?
Probably not.
Talk this out with someone so you can
get your head together.
(beep)
Well, buddy, it happens to the best of us.
Just some advice about how women tend to function.
She was just being hypergamous like most females can be
and left on her own terms once she found
a better man than you to be with.
Just remember, they don't love us the same way we love them.
And with that all over, just be glad someone else
has to deal with her because she's just climbing a ladder,
looking for a better man to fit her standards.
And she may possibly leave the new guy as well
if she finds better, but no matter what,
do not take her back.
(beep)
- [Girl] I've been the girl in this situation, sort of,
there was a passing interest, and I did need the break
for other reasons also, but the other guy
was left unpursued.
I digress.
I gave the same reasoning,
but knew if I went for the other guy,
I couldn't morally justify going back to my boyfriend.
So I made myself take a step back and consider everything,
mostly because I didn't want to be
the type of person I see on this sub,
the type of person you are describing.
If she's clearly going for him,
it doesn't matter if you were together or not.
Her intent was to drop you in order to justify trying
out this other guy to avoid officially cheating,
if you will.
But to me, if she sleeps with him,
then that is her bed made and she needs to sleep in it.
It would be a deal breaker for me because
it makes her intent clear, and just because
she asked for a break, that doesn't give her a pass.
Especially when she already had the guy lined up.
I'm really sorry OP, I do hope this is clear to you.
I've also heard that if you're considering cheating,
maybe you're unhappy with something in the relationship.
Not sure if that part is the case,
but I want for you to find someone
who treasures you and your feelings.
(beep)
- [Man] This is called the Tarzan strategy
or branch swinging.
I would make it clear to her that I know exactly
what she did and do consider it wrong in so many aspects
and then ghost her and move on with your life.
(beep)
- [Woman] Isn't it entirely possible
that this is indeed a friend
from elementary school that knows her mom and is visiting?
All you have is a picture her mom posted
and you're assuming sex and a romantic relationship.
I think you need something besides your imagination
to consider this cheating.
And if you make this type of wild assumption on a regular
basis, then I can see why she would need a break.
(beep)
- [Man] Lady, you know what this is.
We know what this is. You know what's going on
and so do we.
Don't try to shame him. She probably was cheating.
She wants to try new male anatomy
and keep him on the back burner.
She needs a permanent break.
(beep)
- [Woman] There's no cheating in this cheating story,
just wild assumptions, but I agree they should break up.
(beep)
- [Man] With all due respect, you are full of crap.
(beep)
- [Woman] There's no cheating in this cheating story.
Again, just wild assumptions.
(beep)