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Hi and welcome to another episode of the trans 101 series
today we are going to talk about what is dysphoria
Now I did make two videos on what is gender dysphoria
as a diagnosis for children and for teens and adults
this is the more medical aspect and understanding the diagnosis criteria
Today I'm going to talk to you about what it feels like to have dysphoria and I'm going to try to explain it to you as best as I can
It is very hard to kind of explain how you feel and have other people try to understand it
especially when it's something such deep rooted as gender dysphoria
So what is gender dysphoria? Well it's basically when you feel like your gender is not the gender that you were assigned at birth, all right
So if you were assigned female at birth and you feel male, but your body does not appear the way that you need it and feel like it should appear
you have gender dysphoria and you need to do something about it
Now that's like a basic kind of medical way of explaining it, because that's what you need for medical diagnosis,
but I'm gonna try to put you in my head and show you how I feel.
All right I use this metaphor all the time, a lot of people like this metaphor. So I'm going to explain it to you.
So I want you to close your eyes, or don't
I want you to imagine something for a second, okay. I want you to imagine yourself at a zoo
and you're in a cage. It's one of those cages with the bars like that.
On the other side of the cage you see a mirror and it's kind of far away and you see yourself how you're supposed to look, all right
And when you are looking at yourself in the mirror through these bars you're seeing who you are supposed to be, you're seeing yourself
so you see yourself either, I would see myself as male and as who I know I was supposed to be my entire life, all right
and so it it's really trapping right? You can't get out of this cage. You can't do anything about it.
Well once you start to transition, all right, and that's what i needed to do for me. I needed to go on hormones.
When I went on hormones one of the bars went away and I was able to kind of reach my hand kind of close to touching that mirror which was fantastic.
And then I needed to have surgery, in order to feel comfortable and to feel more like myself. Another bar went away
And that bar went away so much that now there is a space that I can actually squeeze myself out of that cage
and go to where the person that I know I'm supposed to be is
and when I collide with that person that I'm finally I, I that's me, it becomes one person and it becomes me
there are also little bars things like being able to change your name legally, being able to change your gender marker
which makes it easier for you to escape this cage
This is my transition. Now there are some people who don't need to do any of this.
They are in this cage and they have dysphoria and in order for them to escape this cage and go near the person and become that person
that they were supposed to be. Some people just need to change their name. Some people just need to go on hormones they don't need surgery.
Some people need to have surgeries. Some people need to be on hormones and have surgery and change their name and all of these other things
Everybody's cage is different. Everybody's transition is different.
You can't say "oh you're gonna go on hormones, you're gonna have surgery, and then all your dysphoria is gonna go away you're gonna be outside of that cage"
It doesn't work like that
Everyone's transition and everyone's dysphoria is different
So for me being in that cage was haunting, it was horrible. I was in that cage for, for nineteen years
And it was debilitating. And when I started hormones at nineteen, like I said one of those bars went away
I was still in that cage. I still felt uncomfortable. I still wasn't the person that I wanted to be
but as the years went by and I started to look more like the person I'm supposed to be, some of the bars started to go away
And then when I had top surgery one of the bars completely disappeared and I was able to sliver my way out.
Sliver? Slither? Slither my way out of that cage. And allthough I still do experience dysphoria at times I'm outside of that cage
and that cage to me was the biggest barrier my entire life. I always felt like there was something different, something wrong, something off about my life
I never realised it was because I was in a cage
and yes obviously I'm talking about an, an emotional cage in my brain, but once I was able to realise I was trans
it started to "oh I'm in a cage!", "oh, these are these things that are happening", "this is why I feel this way, that's why I feel this way"
so being able to kind of transition my way into what I needed to do, I opened up the door and I, and I got myself out
and I still see that cage and I still see it, because sometimes I do still experience dysphoria in certain things
and I'm like "oh, god I hate being trans because of this"
and a lot of it has to do with like legal things, like legal work, paper work that hasn't been changed
or um people misgendering me for some reason like the dysphoria comes back
but the main box I know I'll never, I'll never go back to that box because I was able to escape it
I was able to do what I needed to do in order to be me at this point in my life right now
Now that doesn't mean that dysphoria is not gonna come back. I do have bottom dysphoria sometimes
and um sometimes I don't, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It fluctuates a lot with me.
That doesn't mean I go back in and out of that cage. It just means that there's another barrier now that's kind of presented in front me
that kind of goes away sometimes, but then it's presented in front of me, and then it kinda goes away
So I know that it might be kind of like a very hard way to conceptualize what dysphoria is, but just imagine yourself in a cage
and not being able to get out. That's literally what it feels like, because your body is not feeling like who you are
and not looking like who you are on the inside, and who you know you are supposed to be
And please don't conflate this with body dysmorphia. This is different.
We're not talking about "oh I hate the way my body looks, I need to change it"
This is not that, this is gender dysphoria. This is needing to transition because the way that you see your gender on the inside
and the way that you identify does not match the body that you are presented with.
It's not the same thing.
And if you want more information about that literally just look at the gender dysphoria diagnosis.
I made a video about it which I'll link in the description below.
Hope this video helped clear your mind a little bit onto what dysphoria is and how it is experienced.
Obviously this is only my experience. I don't represent the entire trans community, but this is just how I have felt it.
Ummm and I know I am like making light of the subject and I'm kind of talking about it
but it is, it is hard all right and there's depression and anxiety that come with this and it is, it is horrible and debilitating
and being able to free yourself from this cage doesn't change your depression and anxiety
but hhoo does it alleviate dysphoria, does it alleviate depression, anxiety. Absolutely.
Especially if the depression and anxiety are linked to your gender dysphoria. And how you are being seen in society.
Anyways thank you so much for joining me. I will see you later. Have a great day, bye!
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