IT IS TIME TO PLAY TINDER LOVING CARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Chris: THERE ARE LOTS OF DECENT, HONEST GUYS ON TINDER
LOOKING FOR LOVE, AND THEN THERE'S SEX-CRAZED CREEPERS WITH
GELLED HAIR AND MORE COLOGNE THAN A RUSSIAN CAN CONSULATE.
WE FOUND A TON OF TINDER MESSAGES FROM THESE GUYS
SCREENCAPPED ON TUMBLR.
HERE TO HELP US THE READ SOME OF THESE MESSAGES IS THE STAR OF
DEAD SNOW 2: RED VS. DEAD, IN THEATERS AND ON VIDEO ON DEMAND
OCTOBER 10TH -- ALSO FROM SILICON VALLEY -- MARTIN STARR!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MARTIN STARR, WELCOME.
WELCOME, MARTIN STARR.
I ENJOY YOU BEARD, I ENJOY YOUR BEARD.
>> THANK YOU, I ENJOY IT, TOO.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, COMEDIANS.
WE ARE GOING TO READ YOU A REAL EXAMPLE OF AN EXCHANGE
FEATURING A GUY GOING FROM ZERO TO 100 ON TINDER AND YOUR JOB IS
TO RESPOND AS THE OTHER PERSON.
ALL RIGHT. NOW, MARTIN IS AN ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR.
I WILL BE THE PART OF THE TINDEE AND HE IS THE SURPRISINGLY
AGGRESSIVE TINDERRER.
AND WE'LL ACT OUT THESE SCENES, WHICH YOU WILL RESPOND TO.
>> MOST OF THESE ARE FA MY TINDER ACCOUNT.
>> Chris: I HOPE THAT IS NOT TRUE.
LET'S BEGIN.
FIRST ONE. FIRST ONE.
>> HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Chris: I AM GREAT. YOU.
>> I AM EXHAUSTED, PERSONALLY.
JUST HAD TO GET RID OF EVERY SINGLE CHAIR IN MY HOUSE.
>> WHY?
>> SO THAT WHEN YOU COME OVER YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SIT
ON MY FACE.
BAMFORD.
>> THAT SOUNDS PERFECT.
>> Chris: POINTS. THAT WAS A GOOD RESPONSE.
>> A TAKER. WE HAVE A TAKER.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY. WE HAVE A MATCH.
IT WORKS.
>> Chris: NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.
THIS MUSIC LOVER.
LET'S BEGIN.
>> DO YOU LIKES TAPES AND CDS?
>> Chris: YEAH.
>> GOOD.
BECAUSE I AM GOING TO TAPE MY DICK TO YOUR FOREHEAD SO THAT
YOU CAN CDS NUTS.
>> Chris: OH. WELL.
AND SCENE. JAMES.
>> WELL, SEE, I MADE THEM VINYL SO I WILL NEED AT LEAST A
SEVEN-INCH.
>> Chris: POINTS. POINTS.
>> IT'S TRUE. IT'S TRUE.
>> Chris: BAMFORD.
>> THAT IS AMAZING.
>> Chris: NEXT ONE. NEXT ONE.
JASON GIVES THE GIRL A DIFFICULT CHOICE.
BEGIN.
>> HEY THERE.
>>Chris: HELLO.
>> HOW ARE YOU?
AH, (BLEEP) ONE, MARRY ONE, KILL ONE.
ME, HILTER, AND ME AGAIN. GO.
>> Chris: SCENE. EDDIE.
>> BLOW GOEBBELS, HAND JOB TO GORING, KILL YOU.
>> Chris: POINTS! OH THERE'S MORE!
>> I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SAY THAT FOR A LONG TIME.
AND FINALLY I GET THE VENUE.
>> Chris: WE WERE ABLE TO UNLOCK THAT PART OF YOUR SOUL,
AND YOU GET POINTS FOR IT.
BAMFORD.
>> (BLEEP), MARRY OR KILL. IT'S ALL PART OF INTIMACY.
>> Chris: POINTS.
A LOT OF THE ANSWERS YOU'RE GIVING, THE OTHER GUYS WOULD BE
LIKE, I'M GOOD.
>> YEAH, SHE'S SCARING THEM OFF!
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.
NEXT ONE, THIS SCIENTIST AND BEGIN.
>> ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE AN AN ARCHAEOLOGISTS?
BECAUSE I HAVE A REALLY AVERAGE SIZED BONE I'D LIKE YOU TO
INSPECT.
>> Chris: SCENE.
ADOMIAN.
>> IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM.
>> Chris: POINTS. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, DR. JONES.
LAST ONE.
ONE MORE, ONE MORE.
THIS FOODIE. AND BEGIN.
HEY THERE.
>> HEY.
I WANT TO SMEAR YOU IN GREEN PAINT AND SPANK YOU LIKE A
DISOBEDIANT AVOCADO.
>> I'VE BEEN A VERY BAD AVOCADO, EDDIE, YES.
>> DEAL.
BUT LET'S MAKE IT A SHOCK COLLAR AND A RUDABAGA.
>> Chris: POINTS.
JAMES.
>> OH, YOU MEAN COCK-AMOLE.
>> Chris: YES, POINTS!
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE DISHES. I MAKE IT MYELF AT THE TABLE.
>> Chris: BAMFORD.
>> AVOCADO COSTS A DOLLAR EXTRA.
>> Chris: POINTS.
EXCELLENT! THAT BRINGS US TO THE END OF TINDER LOVING CARE,
PLEASE GIVE IT UP TO THE WONDERFUL MARTIN STARR!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MARTIN STARR!