HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
HEY, JON!
>> Jon: HELLO!
>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN
EMMY AND TONY WINNER YOU KNOW FROM "BLOODLINE," "WHEN THEY SEE
US," AND HIS ONE-MAN SHOW, "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOHN LEGUIZAMO.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> YEAH, YEAH.
NICE TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
GOOD TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH OLD JOHNNY LEGEZ.
>> LIVE!
>> Stephen: WATCH IT.
>> THEY WARNED ME, "DON'T SAY THIS.
DON'T SAY THAT."
>> Stephen: THEY'RE OVER THERE WITH A DART AND WILL GET YOU
RIGHT IN THE NECK.
YOU HAVE DONE A LOT OF BROADWAY, STANDUP.
HAS IT EVER GONE SIDEWAYS ON YOU?
>> ON THE BALCONY, ONCE SOMEBODY THREW UP ON THE LADY'S MINK COAT
-- >> Stephen: SOMEBODY IN THE
BALL CONNIE OF YOUR THEATER-- >> THREW UP ON THE LADY IN A
MINK COAT, AND I HAD TO DRY CLEAN HER COAT.
>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DRY CLEAN THE COAT?
>> IT WAS MY THEATER AND MY SHOW AND I WAS ON STAGE.
AND I WAS ON STAGE AND I COULD HEAR PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THE
BATHROOM AND THEY LEFT THE PANTIES.
FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE, "PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR
PHONES, I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR MINK COAT TO BE CLEANED, AND
TAKE YOUR PANTIES IF YOU HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM."
>> Stephen: WAS THIS DISTRACTING TO THE ODD YEENS
JUDGE IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME.
THEY DIDN'T CARE.
I'M LIKE, "WHO IS HAVING MORE FUN THAN I AM?"
>> Stephen: THAT LEADS TO MY QUESTION BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE
HERE IN JULY, YOU SAID AT THE TIME, THAT YOUR ANGER AT SEEING
THE WAY TRUMP WAS BEHAVING WAS GIVING YOU-- YOU CALLED IT
"TRUMP RAGE MADE YOU HORNY."
>> YEAH, IT DID.
I HAD ALL THIS EXTRA ENERGY.
AND I WAS, YOU KNOW... MY POOR WIFE.
AND-- >> Stephen: YOU SAID, "YOU
WANTED TO PROCREATE AND BUILD A LATINO ARMY."
>> YEAH.
I'M TIRED NOW.
>> Stephen: I'M QUOTING.
( APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE UNDER OATH.
WHAT IS THE RAGE OF YOUR HORNY RAGE AFTER THE SPEECH.
>> THERE WAS A LOT OF PIMP TENSE UP THERE.
SO I FELT VERY-- YEAH, NOT SO MUCH.
THE RAGE IS GONE.
NOW I'M MORE CREATIVE.
SEX TAKES AWAY YOUR CREATIVITY ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: IT DOES?
>> YEAH, LIKE BOXERS, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX.
THEY HAVE TO ABSTAIN SO THEY CAN BEAT THUR OPPONENT S.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING BOXING IS CREATIVITY?
I KNOW IT'S A SWEET SCIENCE, BUT NOT CREATIVITY.
>> IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF ORGASMS, YOU DON'T HAVE AS MANY BOOKS OR
SHOW S.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA PICASSO GOT.
>> I CAN CHECK THAT ON GOOGLE.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN LOOK AT HIS PAINTINGS!
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THE WOMEN ALL HAD, LIKE, FIVE BREASTS.
>> DON'T YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE A LOT OF GREAT SEX YOU'RE NOT AS
CREATIVE.
>> Stephen: UHM...
>> I KNOW HOW I FEEL.
LIKE, WHEN I'M PENT UP, I CREATE A LOT MORE.
>> Stephen: WE'RE LIVE.
WE'RE LIVE RIGHT NOW, AND I'M-- >> SORRY, WE'RE OFF TOPIC.
>> Stephen: WE'RE DANCING VERY CLOSE.
>> I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND NOT BE CREATIVE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK MORE ABOUT THIS.
>> IN PRIVATE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO BREAK SOME NEWS, SOME PEOPLE DO NOT
KNOW THIS, YOU ARE THE LATEST MEMBER OF THE YANG GANG.
>> YES, I AM.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DEAL?
>>?
DO YOU NEED $1,000?
>> MY SON NEEDS $1,000.
HE TALKED ME INTO IT.
>> Stephen: YOUR SON IS A FAN.
>> HUGE FAN.
>> Stephen: I GET ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY KIDS ARE
ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT, TOO?
>> AND HE CONVINCED ME WITH ALL HIS PLANS, HEALTH CARE FOR ALL,
AND TAKE IT FROM PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES AND GET MORE HEALTH
CARE WORKERS.
HE'S GOING TO TAKE FROM THE BIG TECH COMPANIES AND GIVE $1,000
TO EVERYONE.
I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, SON, YOU WANT THAT $1,000, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU
I'M GOING TO JOIN THE YANG GANG."
>> Stephen: I LIKE GETTING ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY
CHILDREN ARE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT.
IT'S THEIR WORLD.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT LEST OF LEFT IN US.
>> NOT MUCH.
>> Stephen: WEEKS.
>> DAYS!
PLUS HE'S THE LAST PERSON OF COLOR LEFT.
SO I HAD -- >> Stephen: OH, MR. YANG,
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> MR. YANG, A LITTLE COLOR.
>> Stephen: THE DEMOCRATIC FIELD USED TO BE FAR MORE
DIVERSE-- >> AT THE BEGINNING.
>> Stephen: AND NOW IT'S MORE LIKE ME.
>> WHICH IS NICE, IT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: NOTHING WRONG.
>> I JUST LIKE BEING INCLUDED A LITTLE BIT MORE.
>> Stephen: WHO DO YOU EXWHRAIM BLAIM?
DO YOU BLAME THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY OR THE VOTERS AND DONORS?
IT'S BASED UPON DONATIONS AND POLLING.
SO WHERE DO YOU LAY THE BLAME AT TOM PERES?
>> EVERYBODY WANTS TO LAY IT ON TOM PERES.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LAY THE BLAME.
I GUESS THE VOTERS, THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE
CANDIDATE THAT CAN BEAT TRUMP.
>> Stephen: SO THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.
>> THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.
THEY DON'T WANT ANYBODY WHO IS GOING TO SHAKE THINGS UP AND
MAYBE NOT GET THE INDEPENDENCE, NOT GET THE MODERN REPUBLICANS
SO EVERYBODY IS PLAYING IT SAFE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE DISASTER DOWN IN IOWA?
BECAUSE THAT WAS-- >> WHAT'S A CAUCUS ANYWAY?
IS YOUR CAUCUS BIGGER THAN MINE?
WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST CAUCUS?
>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON?
>> >> NOBODY WANTS A LITTLE CAUCUS.
>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON HOW CREATIVE I'M FEELING, JOHN.
>> OH!
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT DOES, IT DOES.
WE JUST LEARNED THAT.
>> CAUCUS SIZE MATTER S.
>> Stephen: IT DOES.
YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU GET IN A ROOM AND PEOPLE RAISE THEIR
HANDS AND THEY COINCIDENT THEM.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY SIMPLE WAY TO VOTE.
>> IT'S VERY OLD FASHIONED AND ANALOG.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
IT'S LIKE AN OLD TOWN HALL MEETING.
>> BUT THEY HAD AN APP THIS TIME, AND THAT ALL WENT HAYWIRE.
AND WE DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE SOMEWHERE ELSE-- NEW HAMPSHIRE ALREADY.
WE VOAM 62% OF THE VOTE IN!
>> Stephen: YEAH, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE SUGGESTION HOW TO MAKE
IT EASIER?
>> LET'S NOT GO TO IOWA.
WHY IOWA?
THEY DON'T REPRESENT AMERICA.
WHERE WHY ARE WE THERE?
>> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED THERE ISN'T SOME MACHINE TO MAKE
IT EASIER.
>> BANKING, OUR MONEY SYSTEM WORKS.
WHY CAN'T WE DO THE SAME THING WITH BANKING FOR VOTING.
I HAVE A PIECE OF CARD, A PIECE OF PAPER AND PAPER TRAIL AND WE
ALL FEEL GOOD.
>> Stephen: WHAT IF YOU GO TO YOUR ACCOUNTANT AND THERE'S NO
FREEDOM LEFT IN IT?
YOU'RE OVERDRAWN.
>> WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE TECH COMPANIES AND TAKE MORE
MONEY FROM THEM YOU.
>> Stephen: HAVE A ONE-MAN SHOW, WHICH WE TALKED ABOUT
BEFORE BUT IT'S ON NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE.
IT'S CALLED "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."
>> WHY MORONS.
>> WE'RE ALL MORONS, ESPECIALLY ME, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT
MY LATIN HISTORY.
IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR DUMMIES," AND THE COMPANY SUED
ME AND THEN IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR IDIOTS," AND THEY
SUED ME.
THEY TOLD ME CEASE AND DESIST.
WHAT DO WE SAY IN NEW YORK, MORON.
AND REX TILLERSON CALLED TRUMP A MORON.
>> Stephen: YOU DO AN IMPRESSION OF YOUR SON IN THIS
SHOW.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: DOES HE GIVE YOU NOTES ON THE IMPRESSION?
>> MY SON HATES MY IMPRESSION OF HIM.
HE SAID, "DAD, YOU MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ISSUES."
I SAID I'M A 55-YEAR-OLD PLAYING A 12-YEAR-OLD."
MY DAUGHTER, TOO, HATES IT.
SHE GOES, "I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, DAD.
EXPIVMENT GO, "YES, YOU DO."
>> Stephen: YOU MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN ARTIST AND
ENTERTAINER.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF AN ARTIST MORE THAN AN
ENTERTAINER.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE FOR YOU AND WHY IS IT
IMPORTANT?
>> ENTERTAINERS ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND THEY HELP US ESCAPE,
RIGHT, AND WE NEED THAT IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES.
BUT AN ARTIST IS POLITICAL.
WE STICK OUR NECK OUT.
WE TAKE RISKS.
WE CALL PEOPLE ON THEIR-- I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO-- ON THEIR
STUFF, CALL THEM OUT.
WE CALL THEM OUT.
>> Stephen: NICE CATCH.
>> GOOD CATCH.
IF IT WAS A LITTLE LATER, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CATCH
MYSELF, BUT I WAS STILL AWAKE.
SO, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO.
ARTISTS RISK TO HELP US GET ACROSS THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY
HURDLE.
>> Stephen: THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.
>> CULTURAL EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.
>> Stephen: CULTURAL.
OKAY, I I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GROW SOMETHING NEW.
>> LET'S HOPE NOT.
YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER APPENDIX.
>> Stephen: WE COULD USE ANOTHER CAUCUS.
WE RACED EACH OTHER FOR THAT ONE.
JOHN, LOVELY TO SEE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> I GAVE MY HAND LIKE TRUMP.
>> Stephen: "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS" IS AVAILABLE ON
NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE!
JOHN LEGUIZAMO, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE AUTHORS OF "A VERY STABLE
GENIUS," PHILIP RUCKER AND CAROL LEONNIG.
STICK AROUND.
THANKS, MAN.