A: You have to learn how to silence your phone
A: Let me show you
G: No.. No A: Let me show you
A: How do you not know how?
G: I don't know because I'm a grandpa
A; When we were recording our audiobook Gaby's phone kept ringing
G: Because I'm a grandpa and I don't know how to use an iPhone
A: Let me just show you really quickly
A: Ok, so this button right here G: Yeah
A: All you do is you push it down
G: Oh and that's silent
A: Yes G: Oh that's great, thanks
A: I said to you while we were recording I said,"did you push the button down"
A: And you said yes
G: The button no, no A: So you were just lying
G: When you said push the button down I thought push the volume button down
A: No G: Okay, well there's two buttons
G: There's two buttons that could be pushed down
A: What's going on with you Doug?
G: ~Laughs~
~Intro Music~
A: Welcome to another episode of America's favourite game show...
A: Truth or Truth Yeahhhhh (pretending to be audience)
G: How am I never ready?
A: (Lip-Trill)
A: That's my foley of a stadium
A: Truth or Truth
G: Truth
Both: Activitated
G: The problem is that you've had so much time to think about one's for me
A: I didn't think about it at all G: You didn't A: No
A: If you could get back together with your ex-girlfriend would you?
G: No, mmmm it would depend
G: How, How A: On what?
A: Like if tomorrow they were like, "ehh let's just forget all that let's get back together"
A: Would you?
A: YOU WOULD!!
G: No A: THAT'S BAD!
A: Gaby that's bad!
G: No, the answer is no
A: Are you lying during Truth or Truth
G: I'm not lying oh no, am I lying during Truth or Truth
A: Then you know what happens then
A: Eternal damnation
G: ~laughs~
G: A lot would have to change
A: Like what
G: Like A LOT
G: I guess everything so no, I guess the answer is no
A: Yes! So remind yourself of that everyday
G: Was that a trick, is this an intervention
A: It was
G: The heart is a mysterious muscle, who can say what's in it and what isn't
G: Doctor's I guess
A: Where is it?
G: ~laughs~ You don't know where your heart is?
G: It's at the bottom of the ocean
A: That's a Lifetime movie
G: "I Don't Know Where my Heart is"
A: And it's about a women who needs a heart transplant
G: but also her daughter has Syphilis
A: Lifetime would buy that!
G: Yeah A: Are you kidding me
A: "I Don't Know Where my Heart is"
A: about a women who needs a heart transplant and falls in love the donors husband
G: Yeah, and her daughter has Syphilis and her husband's cheating on her
A: Yeah, of course
G: Ok, great
G: Truth or Truth
A: Truth
G: Activa... A: Oh my God
G: I almost said truth A: Oh my god, wow
G: I'm sorry Truth or Truth
A: Truth
Both: Activated
G: Well, I think I know the answer to this but what's the worst date you ever went on?
A: Oh my god the worst date I ever went on was when this guy and I who barely knew each other
A: Decided to go to a museum together G: Museum
G: Wow, I fucking knew it
A: And it took hours and we went to the Getty and we drove together
A: And then like walked around barely and then like drove back
A: But the traffic was so bad it was like a 5 hour date
G: and, and it was bad not because of the logistics of it
G: Although... A: It was bad because we weren't hitting it off AT ALL
A: Like, you would think both of us were supreme introverts
A: When in reality were both like comedians
G: and soo when.. A: It's just we could not form a conversation with each other
G: So it went poorly and also you were stuck for 5 hours
A: Right G:and you HATE being stuck
A: I hate to be stuck
A: or that one time when a guy that I was dating in college... He was out of college
A: Took me to lunch to tell me he was dumping me for a high-schooler
G: ~Laughs~
G: That's not a date A: I thought it was
A: He was like 24
G: That's so rough
G: And you didn't think... You weren't like, "I should call the police"
A: No, I went back to him the next year
G: OH MY GOD!
A: ~singing~ College was a dark time
A: Anyway, his brother won a TONY
G:~laughs~
G: You always say that my stories are fucked up and weird and dark
G: but yours are too
A: Are you allowed to date highschoolers?
G: NO! That's what I'm talking about!
G: That's why I said you should call the police
A: Truth or Truth
G: Truth
Both: Activated
A: What it the best date you've ever been on?
G: Best date...
G: A date...
G: A date.....
A: ~whispers~ Oh my God
G: Oh, um um um Eli and I went to a Starbucks in South Florida
G: Cause we met in our home town
G: We each had the same home town and we met there
G: but we but we were both from L.A and then we went on a date to a Starbucks
G: Because the iHop was too busy
G: and then umm
A: Truer words have never been spoken
Both: ~laugh~
G: but we had already hooked up the night before
G: And then we went to the Starbucks to like get to know each other
A: That's beautiful
G: Thank you
G: Maybe this is too graphic I don't know
G: We hooked up in a car on the roof of a casino and then the next day
G: We met up at the Starbucks to just like get to know each other
A: Yeah that classic tale
G: Yeah
G: and then I always thought that if we got married and had kids
G: I would take them back to that parking spot
G: and be like....
G: ~laughs~
A: So yet again a reason why Gaby can not have kids
G: This is a really important place for mommy and daddy G: ~Laughs~
G: Truth or Truth
A: Truth
Both: Activated
G: If money and time were no object, how many dogs would you have?
A: Oh my god
G: And people wouldn't be like, "wow she has a mental illness"
G: they would just be like...
G: Or the wouldn't be like, "we need to stop her"
G: Like nobody would do that so you could have as many dogs as you'd want
A: 4
G: Wow
A: Four but then also a ton of other animals as well
G: Oh, like what
A: I'd have a fox, I'd have a bunny, I'd have a horse
A: I'd have umm a chinchilla G: Ok, Wow
A: I'd have probably like an outdoor cat that was friendly with me
A: I'd have a cheetah
G: I had a friend in high school that had a ferret
A: yeah, I don't want a ferret
G: They're kinda cute
A: They're cute but crazy
A: And I know you'll say the same thing about foxes but I love a fox
G:yeah A: Damn do I love a fox
G: That girl had a ferret and then she got hit by a car G:~laughs~
A:That was a good one G: Yeah
A: Tru.. G: It really revealed a lot..
G: a lot of problems
G: Okay, what... A: Oh, I'd have a monkey too
G: yeah, ok we can move on
G: have you ever seen a sugar glider? A: I'd have one of those
G: Uhh those are so cute A: I'd have one of those
G: I had two girls that I met in space camp they both had sugar gliders
G: But I think it's illegal to have them
A: Probably
A: Truth or Truth
G: Truth
Both: Activated
A: When was the last time you screamed at somebody?
G: Oh my god
G: I mean right before this, that guy
A: Oh yeah! G: That was playing
G: There was this guy playing music really loud outside Allison's apartment
G: Not music, playing WWE wrestling really loud outside Allison's apartment
G: With his window wide open and I yelled at him
G: I don't usually yell... I don't
G: It's very umm like I think it jars people when I do get that angry to yell
G: I yelled at my ex but she was poking
A: What was it like? Do it to me
A: Do it to me
G: It was like... It was like something ... it was like
G: "I'M NOT OKAY"
G: It was something like that
G: But it was over the phone
G: But it was after I had been being yelled at
G: umm and so I had been very measured
G: A thing that makes people upset is that when I am fighting with them they yell and I don't yell
G: And that makes them angrier with me
A: I agree
G: People who are yelling at you get mad when you're not also yelling
A: Yeah G: As I've noticed
A: A time when I will yell is if I'm re-telling something
G: oh.. well yeah
A: So I'll be like, "AND THEN THEY DID THAT!"
A: But I won't yell to the actual person
G: Oh my god
G: my dad does a different voice for everyone else
G: except for him... So he'll be like
A: And it's a voice of an idiot
G: So he''ll be like, "and I said this very normal thing"
G: And then they said, (voice of idiot) "Well you have to do it like this"
Both: ~Laugh~
G: Like why does everyone else talk like an idiot?
~ Outro Music~
A: How long has this been? I'm hungry
G: Well what are you gonna do, order candy?
A: I think we could go get some food somewhere
A: We could go get something G: Ok, Ok
A: Right? G: Yeah
A: Tune in next week, see what we got
Subtitles by the Amara.org community