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- [Instructor] Hi Psych2Go, welcome back to another video.
Before we begin, we would like to give you
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Now, let's begin.
Which would you rather hear someone say to you,
I love you, or I'm in love with you?
Do you think that there's even a difference between the two?
Most people don't realize it.
Loving someone and being in love with them
can actually mean two very different things.
Here are seven main differences
between love and being in love.
They can help you better distinguish between the two.
Number one, choice versus emotion.
Loving someone is a conscious choice.
But falling in love with someone
is not something we have much control over.
That's why you might find yourself attracted
to people you maybe shouldn't be attracted to,
or people who don't feel the same way
or people we don't know very well,
or people we don't have anything in common with.
It's a matter of emotional chemistry.
But when you love someone
like a close friend or family member,
it's because you've decided to do so.
And in that same way, you can also decide
to stop loving them and cut them out of your life.
But it's not so easy to stop having feelings
for someone you're in love with.
Two gradual versus immediate.
Have you ever met someone you felt so strongly about?
You were sure they were the one was seeing them,
being with them, and even just thinking about them
enough to overwhelm you with emotion?
That's what being in love feels like.
It's passionate, intense and almost immediate.
It can take you by surprise and come at you with no warning.
But love, on the other hand, tends to grow slowly over time.
And though it doesn't often happen
as quickly or as intensely when you first meet
with every conversation and meaningful moment shared,
it grows stronger and stronger
until you find that you care about them deeply.
Number three, lasting versus fleeting.
Another key difference between love and being in love
is that people tend to fall out of love
just as easily as they fall in love.
Whether it's because of a disagreement,
a mistake or an unearthed, unattractive quality.
Being in love can be as fickle
and fragile as it is ardent and exciting.
Research even shows that this kind of passionate love
usually peaks within the first six to 12 months
and often ends not long after.
Love on the other hand, is more steadfast and enduring.
Because it only grows stronger over time.
It doesn't have as many highs and lows,
but rather it's built on a strong foundation
of comfortable companionship and openness.
Four, challenging versus easy.
A lot of people buy into the idea
that love shouldn't be hard.
But that's actually only half to.
Being in love with someone is easy
because it's mostly a matter of chemistry and attraction.
When you're in love with someone,
all you care about is that high that they give you,
the butterflies in your stomach, the pounding of your heart
and the romantic sparks between the two of you.
It makes it seem like everything
just effortlessly falls into place.
But that feeling doesn't last forever.
When you truly love someone
and aren't just in love with them,
it takes a lot of effort to make things work.
You'll have conflicts and compromise.
But through it all, you'll stand by each other side by side.
Five, sacrifice versus support.
Would you be willing to give up everything for your crush?
Would you make sacrifices for them
and give up your own happiness just for their sake?
Truth be told, most of us would probably say no.
Because even though you feel infatuated with this person,
deep down inside, we know will only come to regret it
once our feelings for them fade away.
You support them and want them to be happy,
but you're not willing to put in the work
to be the one that makes them happy.
The truth is, love sometimes means having to be selfless,
and putting your loved ones needs ahead of your own.
That means making them a priority in your life
and caring about them just as much
as you care about yourself.
Sex partnership versus ownership.
More often than not,
when we have intense romantic feelings about someone,
we become possessive of them.
Because we want them to be ours and only ours.
We easily get jealous and crave constant reassurance
from them that we are there one and only.
Sometimes these feelings can even turn us paranoid
and overly controlling if we let them get out of hand.
But loving someone is more about partnership
than it is about ownership.
It's a lot healthier because both parties allow each other
the freedom to be their own person
and make their own choices.
And number seven, how they feel versus how you feel.
Finally, there's a matter of how you feel about
the person and how they feel about you.
When it comes to being in love,
it's all about how they make you feel
and how happy they make you and you stay in love with them
for as long as they can keep you happy.
On the other hand, love is more concerned
with the other person's feelings,
such as whether or not they feel appreciated,
valued and understood.
It's less serving and more altruistic.
Did this video help make things clearer for you?
You need to distinguish the difference
between love and being in love a little better.
Let us know in the comments
if you have any of your own distinctions.
If you enjoyed watching this video,
give us a thumbs up and share it with someone
who might find it interesting too.
The studies and references
used are listed in the description below.
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for more Psych2Go videos and as always, thanks for watching.
Will see you next time.
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