hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about how to stop being
shy and anti-social now let's begin number one isolate your failures when you're feeling anxious
you might experience something called a negative snowball a negative snowball is when one little
mistake turns into an avalanche of failures during a snowball it feels like you're running into
problem after a problem like nothing ever goes the way you plan many people who are shy experience
these downward spirals on a regular basis but every mistake doesn't have to snowball into a
string of failures in fact avoiding a snowball is a great way to overcome your shyness instead
of letting those issues build on top of each other focus on isolating each mistake or awkward
moment right after it happens okay let's say for example that you call someone by the wrong name
oops that's incredibly embarrassing right in this situation most shy people would panic they get
even more nervous and start backtracking and feel extra guilty in other words that one slip-up would
completely ruin the conversation but if you want to stop being shy you have to forgive yourself
for making mistakes because hey they happen to everyone the best thing you can do is apologize
laugh it off and try to get yourself back on track as embarrassing as it was that one mistake
shouldn't dictate your entire interaction once you get in the habit of isolating these mistakes
you'll realize it's okay to fail you don't have to be flawless in social situations it may feel like
the stakes are higher like everyone's watching you but no one's expecting perfection so you
shouldn't either number two find patient friends not everyone needs you to be vocal and outgoing in
fact there are plenty of people who like others that are shy or quiet they understand what it's
like to feel uncomfortable in social situations because they might feel uncomfortable themselves
these are the kinds of friendships that will help you get out of your comfort zone and
feel more confident because they're patient and empathetic enough to know when you're doing your
best unfortunately many shy people have a habit of choosing the wrong friends they seek out people
who are especially extroverted hoping that their charm will rub off on them some shy people think
that being forced into an outgoing mindset will change them for the better but that's not really
how it works if you get thrown into the deep end your shyness might actually get worse and that may
damage your friendships your friends might turn against you when they realize you don't like the
same things this is especially common with younger newer friends who are less forgiving or patient
with your shy tendencies instead of giving you a break they might make you the target of jokes
or talk about you behind your back either way the connection between you will slowly fall apart why
well because you have two completely different ideas of what it means to be social or have fun
so just make sure you're selecting friends who understand you and actually like spending time
with you not friends who force you to be something that you're not number three imaginary rejection
if you're shy are antisocial how do you feel after stepping out of your comfort zone after
meeting new people you might sit at home worrying about what people thought of you you think back on
everything they said everything they did and even if nothing bad happened you feel self-conscious
and rejected so did people actually dislike you or is it all in your head more often than not you
didn't do anything wrong in fact you may made a great impression on everyone you talk to but
if that's true why do you still feel rejected well those negative feelings may be coming from
somewhere else your own brain any time you come out of your shell it's gonna feel like everyone's
out to get you like everything you do is wrong and you're constantly out of place but you know
chances are that rejection is all in your head so the next time you're feeling discouraged ask
yourself if anything bad actually happened because most of the time you've got nothing to worry about
number four let go of the reins losing control is one of the scariest things for someone who's
socially anxious they automatically assume any awkward silence or miscommunication is their own
fault the moment the conversation gets weird they blame themselves and they start beating themselves
up about it even if it wasn't at all their fault shy people assumed they did something wrong but
most of the time it's out of your control it's important to remember how many other factors are
involved in a simple conversation for starters you've got at least one whole other person they
have their own baggage stress and anxieties that could create problems just like yours
next you've got the environment which can help your conversation just as easily as it can hurt
it okay let's say you're trying to get to know someone you just met with that conversation be
easier at a quiet coffee shop or in the middle of a crowded restaurant obviously the coffee shop
will be more comfortable the restaurant would be too loud and chaotic causing all kinds of problems
that have nothing to do with you finally you have to think about the context if you're talking to
someone who just got fired you're gonna be in a bad mood it may not feel like socializing so that
conversation might go south right off the bat but once again that failure would be completely out
of your control my point here is you can't control everything that happens in a conversation so don't
hold yourself accountable for every little failure social interactions are incredibly complicated
so take some of that weight off your shoulders number five the unspoken language if you're shy
or antisocial your body language might be pushing people away whenever you get nervous you may try
to hide your anxiety so you pay special attention to your voice and you moderate the things you say
the problem is you're so worried about what's coming out of your mouth that you're ignoring
the rest of your body even if you try as hard as you can to sound confident your body may be
telling a different story but if you use powerful body language many people will assume your body
matches your brain in other words confident posture and eye contact may convince people
that you really are as calm and self-assured as you look why because people read you with
their eyes way before listening with their ears that's why a small change in your body language
can transform the tone of your speech alright imagine for example you're telling a story about
traveling overseas that story will be a lot more interesting if you open up your body things like
animating your hands and making eye contact will welcome people into your story while also keeping
them engaged from beginning to end even though you're telling the same story confident body
language will change how other people react so don't spend all your time thinking about the
things you say because this unspoken language communicates a much stronger message number six
express your ideas speaking up is a challenge when you're shy or antisocial it might feel like none
of your opinions are worth saying you might be nervous that people are going to criticize your
ideas once you start doubting yourself doesn't it feel easier to stay silent to let those negative
emotions stop you from ever opening your mouth but if you're trying to overcome your shyness
you have to practice expressing your ideas you can start with something simple if your friend
states their opinion just tell them whether you agree or disagree the point isn't to blow
them away with some profound answer all you need to do is say yes or no and maybe give a little
reason why because people want to hear your ideas people want you to express yourself hey
you may not realize it but your opinions are as valuable as anyone elses number seven expect the
average when you meet someone for the very first time it's probably gonna be a little awkward I
mean after all you know nothing about each other you're complete strangers so a few awkward pauses
are totally normal even the most outgoing people in the world feel awkward at first but you might
imagine something different in your head you might picture that first interaction going perfectly
you hit it off right away you find things in common and you get each other's sense of humor
and just like that you're calm and comfortable but this is extremely rare most people don't hit
it off that quickly that kind of bond can take a really long time to develop sometimes months or
even years so don't set the bar so high it's also important to think about what other people expect
from you because you're probably overestimating their expectations the truth is most people are
only expecting an average conversation they'll smile a few times they'll talk about a couple of
interesting subjects maybe they'll get a laugh from the conversation and that's it you don't
need to impress them or make them laugh so hard their stomach hurts all you need to do is meet
the average if you can do that the other person will walk away thinking they were nice or that
was interesting and that's a big success so don't put all this unnecessary pressure on yourself to
blow people away or become best friends right away your first interaction doesn't need to be
amazing just take my word for it there's nothing wrong with an average conversation hey thank you
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