Socialism-- it's starting to get more popular in America.
And it's making Fox News more afraid
than Mike Pence at a screening of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The rise of socialism has never been more clear.
Now you have AOC,
and you have a hundred of these members of Congress
openly embracing this.
NEWSMAN: Socialism is not only dangerous,
but it is also evil.
This Green New Deal, this is sugar-coated socialism.
It's like sugar-coating poison--
sweet at the front, deadly at the end.
Ooh. "Sweet at the front, deadly at the end."
You talking about socialism or Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, uh, that was deadly at the end.
Do you know how many kids died? We don't talk about that.
That's not a children's story.
It's a horror movie with fun music.
For more on the rise of socialism in America,
we turn to a man who always makes me pay for dinner,
my friend Neal Brennan, everybody!
(cheering, applause)
Hey, buddy, we should grab dinner soon.
No, thanks. So, Neal, um, who's responsible
for socialism's popularity right now?
Is it Bernie Sanders? Is it Elizabeth Warren?
-Ocasio-Cortez? -No.
I'll tell you who's responsible.
Rich people.
Rich people have done more for socialism
than Bernie, AOC and Elizabeth Warren combined.
Which, by the way, would be a very unpleasant-looking person.
(laughter)
Aah! Take that away. Take that away.
Uh, okay, but, Neal, I don't understand, how...
how can rich people be responsible for socialism
if they hate it?
Because they keep rubbing their money in people's faces
with their tax-dodging and wealth-flaunting,
and financial corruption.
When it comes to socialism, I don't blame Uncle Bernie,
I blame Aunt Becky.
It wasn't enough that she's a TV star
and married to a millionaire,
she still had to scam her daughter's way into college.
You had everything.
Why cheat?
It's like if the Hulk got caught doing steroids.
For what?
Hulk, no.
Steroids redundant.
Also, Hulk, ball shrink.
Mrs. Hulk no happy.
So when people see that admission scandal,
and then Bernie comes along and says,
(mimics Sanders): "We should tax the rich and make college free,"
(normal voice): I get why Americans would think,
"Yeah, college should be free.
I agree with White Yoda."
So you think socialism is just
a natural reaction to capitalism that's run amok?
It's basically like putting up speed bumps
because people are driving too fast?
Yep, because rich people are out here
Tokyo Drifting with their dicks out.
Look at Amazon, they wanted a new home
for their corporate headquarters,
so Jeff Bezos made cities audition for him
like a spoiled king.
Pittsburgh, entertain me.
Birmingham, my feet are sore, rub them.
Cute, but I'm going with New York.
And Amazon picked New York
partly because New York offered them $3 billion.
So if more New Yorkers are going socialist,
don't blame AOC, blame Jeff Bezos.
He's worth $144 billion.
You know how rich that is?
Even if you started earning $50 million a year,
guess how long it would take
for you to reach Jeff Bezos' level?
2,880 years.
Now, imagine being that rich
and still being like, "Yeah, I'll come to your city,
but you've got to give me money."
Sweet Lord, that is super rich.
I know.
To get that money, LeBron would have to stay on the Lakers
until the year 4899.
And they probably still won't make the playoffs.
(audience reacts)
The Knicks won't either.
(Trevor laughs)
By the way, having super rich people in charge
doesn't help, either.
Last week, our billionaire president
proposed cuts to Medicaid,
the program that gives health insurance to the poor.
This is a guy who can afford the best doctors
in the world, and he still wants
to take health care away from poor people.
My God, the assholery.
It's not enough you're already in the VIP section,
sipping Cristal, you also want to walk around the club
slapping Bud Lights out of other people's hands.
And, yes, Bud Light is the Medicaid of beers.
Dilly dilly.
So when people see budget cuts like that,
then hear Elizabeth Warren pitching Medicare for all,
you can't be shocked when 57% of them are like,
"Yeah, I'm with Senator Librarian on this."
So, if I understand you, you're actually warning rich people
that they're creating the socialism
-that's gonna bring them down. -Yeah.
Or to quote the ancient philosopher Ice Cube,
"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself."
(cheers and applause)
Because the best salesmen for socialism
aren't the lefty politicians, it's the ultra wealthy.
Forget Che Guevara, we should put the real heroes
of socialism on T-shirts: rich dicks.
Neil Brennan, everyone.