No, I...
I'd really rather not discuss this in front of the help.
Berta, could you give us some privacy?
Hell no.
What's wrong with him?
Oh, he's getting old, kiddo.
I wish you could have seen him in his prime.
He was like Babe Ruth.
He played baseball?
No, he was a drunken whoremonger,
but there was none better.
Oh, God. Look what the cat dragged in.
He didn't just drag it.
He ate it, pooped it out, and then covered it with sand.
Wait a second. Why did you take vitamins?
I was tired.
Okay, but where did you find vitamins to take?
In your medicine cabinet.
I don't have any vitamins in my medicine cabinet.
Yeah, you do. The little blue ones with the V on them.
Ooh.
What's going on? I don't understand.
The kid's going to need another party hat.
...because your brother is the embodiment of the can do,
roll up your sleeves spirit that made this country great.
He never gets discouraged. He goes after what he wants,
and he doesn't know the meaning of the word quit.
If the day should come, when any man,
no matter how humble, can't go out there
and soil the loins of some hot little dancer,
well, I don't want to live in that America.
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies.
Yeah, that's a stiffy.
We have got a real problem here.
What do you mean we?
Berta, could you grab me a beer?
Sure. Jake, grab your uncle a beer.
Let him get it himself.
Sorry, I tried.
Just, I don't understand what kind of spiteful
God could allow my drunken whoremonger of a brother
to become a children's singing star
while I toil away in poverty-stricken anonymity.
You want to talk to me about toiling away
in poverty-stricken anonymity?
No. Sorry. I'm sure you've got it worse than I do.
Whoa. Whoa, I wouldn't go that far.
What I'm trying to say is,
there's another way to look at this.
What's that?
We're all in this together.
Your brother's success is our success.
His home is our home.
Most importantly, when he's got a load on, his car is my car.
Hey Berta! Guess what? I got another big royalty check!
Oh, hey! Good for you!
Why don't you celebrate with a drink?
Well, I think I will.
Thankful I finally found a therapist
who has no compunction about prescribing powerful sedatives.
Well, I'm thankful I can sit here
and listen to you rich people whine
while my family is scrabbling for a corn dog at the Pomona
Fairgrounds.
Morning.
Yo Berta! Berta, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert!
He just getting home?
Yeah.
You got to wonder how long
he can keep burning that penis at both ends.
I try not to think about it.
Listen, Charlie is coming with me to work today.
Why?
Well, he's going to help me at the office.
You want to bet?
What's up with Uncle Charlie?
What do you mean?
He's peeing off the deck.
I thought we weren't allowed to do that.
We're not!
We're not?
What?
And they call you slow.
You're kidding, right? You don't see it?
See what?
Lydia and mom?
What about them?
Come on, Charlie.
The only difference between those two broads
is you came out of one and-
Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa...
What the hell are you doing?
Hey, hey. Keep it down! Keep it down!
Mia thinks I'm taking a power walk.
This is a sad, sad day.
I always figured you'd be the last guy in the world
to end up whipped.
I am not whipped. I'm... considerate.
Considerate?
Yeah. See, I love Mia and I want her to be happy,
and I happen to know she's not happy
when I smoke cigars and drink and gamble
and stay out all night and eat meat and sugar
and grease and fat and nap and swear
and wear shorts and bowling shirts.
Charlie, you ain't just whipped.
You're roped, saddled, and gelded.
They could use you to give rides at kids' birthday parties.
I am not whipped.
Yeah, here. You might as well take one of these sacks
since yours is empty.