Hi guys welcome back to my channel and welcome back to another mindful
motherhood Monday today's topic is self compassion for us
parents and how we are able to be so compassionate to other parents but
struggle to be compassionate with ourselves which is why I've titled this
video it's okay not to be okay we say that all the time I know I say all the
time to other parents I understand when someone is having a tough time and I
feel it for them and I know it's okay not to be okay
but when it comes to me I really struggle to say that to myself and that
falls under the category of self compassion so I wanted to discuss that
with you guys today and share a little bit of research that I've done into the
topic and also personal experiences and I would love for you guys to share your
personal experiences as well and just engage with me in the comments below
tell me your opinions on this subject and how it's made you feel now that
you've heard a little bit more about self compassion if you're new around
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video and throughout the week for more videos as well so now let's get straight
into the video
isn't it true that we find it so easy to be compassionate with other mums and
other parents in general just picture that situation of beam in the cafe and
then there's a mum on the table next to you having a really tough time she
either has a screaming child or a tantrum II toddler or a grumpy three
major four major whatever the situation we find it easy to feel compassion in
those moments we don't judge a mum that puts the iPad in front of a child so
that she can have five minutes of peace and drink her coffee we don't judge the
mum who roll her eyes at the toddler after having her c6 or her six meltdown
in that morning we look at them with cariann eyes we try and tell them that
it's okay not to be okay we understand how they feel and we tell them give
yourself a break but how often do you do that to yourself I'm very guilty of not
doing that to myself often but now that I've been more mindful of that I have
been making a concerted effort to be caring compassionate towards myself and
the definition of compassion is sympathetic concern over the struggles
or the misfortune of others so self compassion means caring and
understanding your own struggles and your own misfortunes and saying to
yourself it's okay not to be okay I had a really rough night with my baby
last night and there was one point in the night when I thought to myself what
good am i if I can't soothe my own baby and and then I thought would I have said
that to another mum what I have actually told that mum that she was no good if
she couldn't soothe her baby definitely 100% absolutely not so why did I do that
to myself I think a lot of us get into that mindset of being overly critical of
the things that we do probably because we want what's
best for our children and we won't accept anything less than what's best so
we are always judging and criticizing ourselves if we're not doing enough or
if we think we're not doing enough but sometimes I lose all hope when I'm being
too critical of myself I feel incredibly deflated and negative towards my life
when I feel like I'm not doing a good job so being self compassionate can
actually lead you to be a bit more positive with your life and feel more
hope that things will get better and they will I've been doing a little bit
of research and I found out there are three components to self compassion
first one is self kindness then it's common humanity and then it's
mindfulness self kindness is very self explanatory it's being kind to yourself
and being understanding of your own suffering common humanity is realizing
that you're not alone that you're not the only mom who goes through that
difficult situation and not isolating yourself instead feeling like you're
part of a group of people who struggle with these things and mindfulness is
being present and aware of our experience instead of ignoring it or
over exaggerating it just being in that moment and being aware of what we're
going through instead of judging or passing any kind of you know personal
feelings that we have towards the situation just acknowledge it so I
wanted this video to be instead of just factual and experience based I wanted it
to be helpful in case you're struggling to be self compassionate so I have a few
exercises that you can practice to help you feel more compassion towards
yourself and I would love for you guys to share with me on social media if
you've actually used the exercises and if you feel like it's made a difference
so the first exercise would be to imagine how you would support someone
else that were going through the same situation that you'll go
through and struggling with the things that you're struggling what would you
say to them and how would you help them and bring their spirits up and just
generally what would you say to them that's a great way to put things into
perspective and see how easily we're able to find positives and hope to give
to others and maybe that should be what we're saying to ourselves when we're
going through those tough times the second exercise it's very very easy and
it's to remember that you're not alone try and remember how many people you
know who have gone through a similar situation either in real life or in
social media or on TV how many people you know have struggled with a crying
baby or a colicky baby and remember that you're not alone because more often than
not there will be people in the same situation as you the third exercise is
to do something kind towards yourself when you're having one of those really
difficult moments whatever that is sometimes it could just simply writing
affirmations on a piece of paper or on your phone saying I am a good mom I am
doing my best other times it's making yourself a cup of tea and sitting down
and just relaxing for five minutes whatever you feel is an act of kindness
towards yourself do that if you're able to do it and the last exercise is to
allow yourself to take a break even if it means inconveniencing other people
put those feelings aside for a bit stop worrying about how hard that day will be
for someone who will look after your children so you can take a break and
allow yourself to take that break you are worthy of that break and you need it
so to summarize everything I'm just gonna give you an example of what self
compassion looks like in the real life situation so I'm gonna take myself as an
example and what happened last night so the situation was my baby would not stop
crying for hours and hours in the middle of the night
and I tried everything I could to stop her crying and I could not stop her
crying and I thought what am I doing wrong what am I missing why can't I stop
her crying what is wrong with me what is wrong with her what is wrong in general
I was getting myself in a really negative headspace analyzing and over
analyzing my parenting decisions the choices that we've made the reasons why
she won't sleep and whether or not that is my fault or not so that is the moment
to take a self-compassion break so first step acknowledge the moment
be mindful be present don't be judgmental about it just acknowledge the
moment it's hard it's a hard moment it's a tough situation you're sleep-deprived
you love your baby you want your baby to sleep you want them to be happy and
healthy so it's hard to hear a baby cry for so many hours and not be able to do
anything about it acknowledge it it's hard so once you've
acknowledged and accepted your situation remember other people go through it as
well other parents have babies who don't sleep who cry all night long it's not
just me I am not the only one dealing with a crying baby I am NOT isolated in
this world I have not been chosen to be the only one who suffers with a crying
baby I am NOT alone and lastly it's time to offer yourself some self compassion
offer yourself some kindness whatever that is in my case it was self
affirmations I couldn't do anything it was the middle of the night 2 a.m. 3
a.m. 4 a.m. 5 a.m. when she finally fell asleep so I couldn't go and make myself
a cup of tea my act of kindness was to say to myself I am a good mom I am doing
enough I'm here for her and trying my best I've done everything I can I am a
good mom and although that did not stop my baby crying it's not a cure for a
crying baby it stopped me from derailing into a very negative headspace and
feeling so powerless and so incapable and not worthy of being
you know a good parent it stopped all those negative thoughts in my mind
instead I just laid there with my baby and hopes that whatever was bothering
her would go away because I had done my best I had tried everything and
eventually she fell asleep and morning came and I woke up not feeling resentful
negative or regretting anything that I'd done I woke up feeling like that moment
had passed and I dealt with it it was in the past now it's another day another
situation I realized that you can't always do that in the moment and I know
I won't always be able to be that reflective and compassionate to myself
in really difficult situations I know that so do it
after the moment but remember to do that self compassion exercise when you have
tough moments and don't beat yourself up after you've come to terms with your
emotions and with your feelings and what's happened in that moment don't go
over that moment and think about it negatively or what you could have done
differently after you've made yourself aware of the situation after you've gone
through all the motions of self compassion and you've given yourself
that break just move past it and accept it accept that was a tough day that was
a tough night that was a tough situation whatever it was it was tough you dealt
with it you move on and beating yourself up over it it's not gonna make it any
better it's fine to learn from your mistakes
and to want to improve and do better and be a better parent and be better next
time but it's not fine to think that you weren't enough then you didn't do enough
if you were you did enough and you did your best so it's okay not to be okay
it's okay to say to yourself it's okay not to be okay and I hope you guys
enjoyed this video hope of fact you found it helpful or insightful or
interesting in any way please do hit the like button if you enjoyed it and share
with you friends if you feel like they would
enjoy this video or they need to hear this I know a lot of friends who need to
hear that they need a little bit of self compassion so I'll definitely be sharing
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mindful and to parent more mindfully hope you guys are doing really well and
I will see you all in my next video bye