- Hey everyone, it's Kati again.
I have a very special treat for the next few videos.
I am sitting down with a good friend of mine, Rocio,
who is here to talk to us about her experience
with sexual orientation, from the beginning stages
when we may first notice that we're attracted
to the same sex, and down the line
in our later stages of life, when we're in a
committed relationship, what that's like,
and the challenges we may have to
work through and overcome. So stay tuned.
(light piano music)
So like I said, I'm here today with my friend Rocio,
who's been a good friend of mine for many years,
and she's been nice enough to sit down with us
and talk a little bit about sexual orientation,
what her experience has been like with it.
Because I get a lot of questions from you guys about this,
and I know many of you could be in
different various stages of this,
so Rocio's gonna be here to share a little bit about
what her life has been like,
and she is also a mental health professional,
so it's kind of a cool, it's a cool situation we've got.
- Thank you. - So my first question
for Rocio is when was it that you first noticed
when you were attracted to a woman?
Or do you remember when it first happened, I guess?
- I would say that it was probably when I was around 13,
maybe 11 to 12, around that age.
You know, I started having some, some feelings
that I had never, you know, had before.
And I started noticing how, you know,
girls were prettier than boys.
I wanted to hang around more with girls, at that time,
that's how I started noticing.
And it was just, it was just strange,
because I mean at that time, pretty much all of my peers
wanted to hang out with, you know, with little boys,
and it was like the beginnings of, you know,
relationship and have you kissed your first boy?
And actually, I wasn't feeling that way at all,
I mean, it was more like I wanted to kiss a girl.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but it was just odd, at that time I didn't know
anybody else who felt the same way,
and I just thought that it was a very odd feeling.
And I had nobody who I could talk to at the time.
- Gotcha.
- Yeah, so it was really strange.
I didn't know who to turn to, so at that time,
I just didn't make anything of it, except for like,
I really wanted to have a, like, good friendship
with my girlfriends. That's all I thought about it.
So that's, I think, how it started.
I just wanted to hang out more with them,
and I just, you know, had more fun with them.
- Yeah, so being around women was more enjoyable,
and you weren't really sure why?
- Yeah, I wasn't really sure why, but I, you know,
I think in the back of my head, there was something
that was telling me that, you know, first of all,
this was not right, probably. Because I really liked
them more than I was supposed to be liking boys,
at that time. So, that kind of like, you know,
like switched something, and said, you know,
I'm different than, you know, than everybody else.
- Yeah. And so at that point, so that's kind of like
puberty, early stages of puberty,
and some people start to, you know,
maybe play spin the bottle, or you know,
who have you kissed? I wanna kiss a boy, holding hands,
all of that stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.
- At that point, did you ever date a guy,
or was that much later?
- Well, you know, at that time, actually I was at a
all-girls school, so...
- Oh, really? (both laugh)
- Actually, we had to go to the all-boys school if,
I guess if we wanted to start dating boys,
or they would come to ours when we would have P.E. classes.
- Uh huh.
- At that time, I wasn't dating anybody else.
It was until a little bit much later, probably,
when I was 15 when I started dating a boy.
- Okay. And how did that come about?
Was it pressure from your family,
or was it that you liked him? Was he a good friend?
- As a matter of fact, you know,
I think it was a lot of pressure from myself.
Because I still had those feelings of like,
you know, I don't understand why, you know, I'm being
different than everybody else. - Yeah.
- I should be dating other boys, and so you know,
he was, you know, fairly good-looking,
he was really nice, I will say.
So, I just say, what the hell let me give it a try.
(both laugh)
- And how did it work out?
- Well, you know, it was rather, it's kind of difficult,
because, you know, making yourself feel something
for a person that you don't feel for, I mean it is,
it does become difficult, because you know,
once you gotta get, you know, close or intimate, or you
get a kiss, or like hug. - Yeah.
- I mean even saying the words, you know, "I love you",
they do become difficult because
you don't actually feel them sometimes.
- Yeah, I feel like boy/girl, it doesn't matter,
if you're not -- - It doesn't matter,
I mean, you know, that intimacy, you know, it's a big step.
So, he was my best friend. I mean,
we used to have so much fun, but ultimately,
I wasn't physically attracted to him, and I think
that's a major part of, of a relationship.
- Yeah. And um, I'm gonna check my questions 'cause
I forget what the last one is.
Oh, and when did you first start dating women?
So if you had a boyfriend at 15,
and that was a pretty long-term relationship actually,
wasn't it? - That was, actually.
(both laugh)
- I remember.
- As a matter of fact, it was like three years and a half.
- Yeah.
- Yes. So, I mean, I went to college in, you know,
at that time, I was like, I gotta explore more.
- Yeah.
- I gotta explore what's going on with myself.
Is this a phase? Is this something that, you know,
is probably, you know, not as serious?
You know, if I do go ahead and, I don't know, kiss a girl.
- Yeah.
- And I started dating, actually I started
kind of having like, the whole online, you know,
dating thing when I was around 19.
- Okay.
- Yeah. So that's when I started going out on dates,
with other girls. But, to me, at that time,
it was still more of like a struggle. Because in my mind,
I was, oh you know what, I might be bisexual.
- Oh, okay. I could do both, I dated a guy --
- Yeah, I dated a guy, maybe this is just a phase,
you know. It's not, you know, what it is all the time,
because it was kind of, it was really scary,
I must admit. I mean, having to admit it yourself
is just like the first thing. - Uh huh.
- And, the fact that, you know, at college,
I mean, I didn't knew anybody else was gay,
as a matter of fact, I mean, in high school even,
I didn't know anybody else was gay.
I mean, all throughout my high school years,
it was pretty straight. - Yeah.
And you were in L.A. at that point.
- And I was in L.A., and I had a boyfriend.
So at that time I was, oh you know what, I'm bisexual.
- So it's okay.
- It's okay, yeah.
And that lasted, I think, for maybe six months or so.
- Okay.
- Before, you know, I could even say, oh yeah,
I'm a lesbian, or I'm gay. - Yeah.
- First it was, you know, it was difficult.
- It's almost coming to terms with the actual term of it,
and what that means to you, more than anything.
- Yes.
- Did you have a lot of pressure from your family,
did you feel? Anything with that,
or did that play a role in the acceptance, or?
- Well, if anything it was, you know,
it was my religion. It was my family.
It was my friends, 'cause I knew that I was
gonna be getting answers, and, you know, questions
from all of them. - Yeah.
Yeah, and responses -- - And their own opinions.
So, it was rather difficult.
Like I say, just to myself,
to having to say, yes, you know what, I am gay.
- Yeah, and accepting it, it's -- it's part of our identity.
- Yes, because then it became me.
- Yeah.
- It was just me, so. I must said, it was,
you know, it was really a very difficult time
for myself at that time, to struggle with that,
with that label, or you know, just to admit it to myself.
- Yeah, yeah and accept it. And it takes time.
And we all know it takes time when we're adjusting
to who we are. And so we will continue talking with Rocio
in future videos about those different stages.
So we're gonna move on to coming out
and what that process is, and from thereon what it's like
to be in a committed relationship, and moving forward with
your life and who you are. - Yeah.
- So stay tuned.