>> James: HELLO.
HELLO.
>> James: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
THANK YOU BOTH FOR COMING TO SEE US.
JASON, SOMEBODY TOLD ME IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK JUST THEN THAT
YOU HAVE BROUGHT SOMETHING FOR TOPHER AND I.
IS THIS CORRECT?
>> YEAH, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
>> WAIT, REALLY?
>> James: YEAH.
WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW, I WAS IN A
TOY STORE, AND I SAW SOMETHING.
I SAID, MAYBE I'M GOING TO GET THESE FOR JAMES AND TOPHER.
THEY'RE THE MINIATURE LICENSE PLATES WITH THEIR NAMES ON THEM.
SO I WAS GOING TO GET CHRISTOPHER.
>> THAT'S MY FULL NAME.
>> James: AND JAMES, BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE THOSE.
>> James: THEY DIDN'T HAVE JAMES?
>> SO I GOT YOU THIS.
>> James: GRACE.
THAT'S NICE.
LOOK AT THAT.
>> AND I LOOKED UP YOUR -- THEY DIDN'T HAVE CORDON.
BUT I LOOKED UP YOUR MIDDLE NAME, AND THEY HAD KIMBERLY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ANYWAY, IT WAS THE MOST I COULD
DO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I'VE NEVER MEANT IT
MORE WHEN I SAID I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I WILL TREASURE THIS.
I WILL PUT IT SOMEWHERE INCREDIBLY MEANINGFUL.
I MEAN THAT.
I WILL.
I WILL SEND YOU A PHOTO OF WHERE I PUT IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
FOR COMING TO SEE US.
TOPHER, YOU AND I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.
PAUL RUDD, "ANT MAN" IN THE "AVENGERS," WAS ON OUR SHOW LAST
NIGHT.
( APPLAUSE ) WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON IS PAUL
RUDD HAS BEEN A HOUSE GUEST IN BOTH OF OUR HOUSES.
HE SORT OF RENTED OR STAYED IN BOTH OUR HOUSES.
>> HE DIDN'T PAY ME RENT.
>> James: HE DIDN'T PAY ME ANY EITHER.
I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY, IN HIS DEFENSE.
>> HE'S IN THE AVENGERS.
HE'S RICHER THAN US, RIGHT?
>> James: I DON'T KNOW, I'M DOING VERY WELL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
DID YOU FIND HIM TO BE A GOOD HOUSE GUEST?
>> YEAH, I WAS ON LOCATION AND HE WAS A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF
MINE.
I SAID, DO YOU MIND IF HE'S IN TOWN AND STAY AT YOUR PLACE AND
I SAID YES.
>> James: HE STAYED AT MY HOUSE AND LEFT ME A LOVELY
PRESENT.
HE BROUGHT ME A FRAMED PICTURE --
>> AS NICE AS THIS?
>> James: I WOULD SAY EQUALLY AS NICE.
A PICTURE OF THE NEW YORK SKYLINE MADE OUT OF METRO CARDS.
IT WAS LOVELY.
HE PUT IT IN OUR BATHROOM.
WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HUNG.
>> THAT WAS NICE.
HE LEFT ME -- THIS STORY THAT IS TWO PARTS -- GRANDMA PORN.
THIS IS A WHILE AGO WHEN THEY HAD PORN ON D.V.D.s OR
VIDEOTAPES AND HE LEFT ME A PILE OF GRANDMA PORN, I THINK HE
THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY.
>> James: THESE ARE PORNOGRAPHY FILMS STARRING --
>> GRANDMOTHERS.
>> James: OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> AND IF THAT ISN'T KIND OF
WEIRD ENOUGH, I HAD BEEN KIND OF WILD SO I KNEW A CLEANING LADY
AND I SAID COULD YOU COME CLEAN THE HOUSE BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN
STAYING THERE, AND SHE FOUND THE PORNOGRAPHY, AND I WASN'T THERE
AT THE TIME, AND SHE HID IT IN A CLOSET UNDER SOME TOWELS.
SO I'M NOT SURE PAUL EVEN KNOWS THE STORY, BUT HALF A YEAR
LATER, THE GIRL I WAS SEEING AT THE TIME WAS AT MY HOUSE, AND
SHE SAID, CAN I GET A TOWEL, I SAID, OH, ABSOLUTELY.
SO SHE CAME OUT OF THIS CLOSET AND SAID, WHAT IS THIS?
AND I SAID, I DON'T KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) I DIDN'T BUY THAT.
SHE SAID, WELL WHY IS IT UNDER TOWELS HIDDEN IN A CLOSET?
AND IT WAS SO WEIRD THAT I STARTED TO THINK, LIKE, DID I
BUY THIS?
( LAUGHTER ) AM I INTO THIS?
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN, LIKE, LITERALLY --
MAYBE I SAW PAUL'S WIFE OR SOMETHING AND SHE SAID, LIKE,
TWO YEARS AFTER THAT, HEY, DID YOU EVER GET THAT JOKE WE LEFT
AT YOUR HOUSE?
I SAID, OH, MY GOD IT WAS YOU!
>> James: WOW!
THAT'S A CRAZY STORY.
>> James: I FEEL VERY PLEASED NOW THAT I GOT A LOVELY PICTURE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WHAT I WOULD SAY IS LOOK
AROUND YOUR HOUSE.
BE CAREFUL.