(upbeat Christmas music)
- Hello lovely Christmassy beans of joy, love.
I don't know where I was going with that.
And welcome to another Vlogmas episode.
In this video, Claudia and I have come
to a difficult situation which we're going to resolve.
It's a before-times difficult situation.
You probably wouldn't face it in 2020.
- No, we could be going to a virtual party.
- Okay, so the idea is,
oh my goodness, you've just been told
that you have to go to a party.
But, it's one of those parties
where you have to wear a Christmas jumper.
And oh my goodness. (gasps) - But you don't have one!
You chucked out last season's in the bin,
or recycled it, or took it to a charity shop,
which is what you should do. - Or a clothing bank.
Or something, point is- - You don't have one.
- Oh no!
So, you now have 30 minutes to make a new one.
- So we're basically going to challenge ourselves
within 30 minutes to decorate a plain sweater
that everyone usually has
with some Christmas ornaments that most people usually have.
- Just things you'd find lying
around the house. - Like some ribbon and stuff.
And we can use sellotape, double-sided sticky tape.
We can use a needle and thread,
if we need to. - My sewing box.
- But we have got a 30 minute window.
- Yes, I think she's mainly
reminding me. - So we should set
a timer, okay?
- That's what's gonna happen.
- We should also let you know that
we haven't got any preconceived ideas.
(Jessica laughs)
Like, I haven't really thought about this at all.
- The idea is that you are in a panic,
you've gotta get ready for this party.
Before we begin though, I'd just like to say
that I did try to find plain jumpers online.
And for some reason that's just not a thing
that exists in 2020,
because this is a size six.
- Yeah, but everything's like, oversized.
- Why is everything massive now?
- This is a size- - This is a size six!
- This is a size eight.
- Am I ordering correctly? - Right, Christmas jumpers
are meant to be cozy, darling.
- I mean, there's cozy and then there's, yeah.
This is a US size two, by the way,
if you're American and confused by that.
- Yeah, and this is a four.
Roomy for all that turkey and Christmas pudding.
- Mm-mm, or virtual. (laughs)
- Virtual, yeah yeah.
- 30 minutes starting now.
Begin. - Oh my god, okay.
Here's your other drink.
- Thanks, gotta have two on the go.
- Let's look at my canvas.
- This is a pretty ruddy large canvas.
- (laughs) It is.
- Okay, I picked up, in our run around the house,
a pearl necklace which has broken,
because I'm gonna use the pearls to decorate.
- I've got a box of like, Christmas decorations,
I'm gonna like- - Excellent.
Ooh, I'm gonna nab
some of those actually. - So they're pegs, ribbon.
- Oh, I think I've got an idea coming together, oh gosh.
- Here's some more pearls, darling.
(Jessica laughs)
- Jessica, do you have a problem?
- Here you go. - Thanks so much.
These are actually to go on the tree, but sure.
Oh, Tilly's gone.
- Tilly's been really freaked out
by all the Christmas decorations.
- Tilly's having a really bad day.
- She's like- - Or week.
To be fair, the builders also stressed her.
- Also, normally Jessica, like, films in her studio,
which is a room upstairs dedicated to just filming.
And Tilly doesn't go there.
Like she's not allowed, the dogs aren't allowed
to go in there 'cause they patter their feet and stuff.
- She's such a good girl, she sits outside the door.
- Yeah, and now we've got this, like,
the setup. - Unlike Walter.
- On a tripod and the lights which are on tripods.
And she doesn't like tripods.
She's got like a tripod phobia.
- Triphobia?
She doesn't like- - She doesn't like
three-legged things.
- I don't want to spend my half an hour
threading this needle!
I'm not very good with time pressures.
You may be able to have guessed that
from every other craft video we've ever done.
Thread! - Okay.
I'm laying mine all out.
- Oh, that's clever.
- I mean, I wanted to put this across the chest,
but of course this jumper has like, bat wings.
So like, how do you like,
how do you like, where do you stop it?
- Threading the needle!
- All right, I've laid out my plan.
- Oh no, are you not (beep) anymore?
- No, shush, I am.
It doesn't matter, you can tell them like, you know,
I gotta like, I'm gonna sew as well.
What you sad about my sewing?
- Nothing, I'm sure you passed sewing in school.
Did everyone do sewing at school?
- I don't know. - Or sewing class.
- I think it comes under like home tech.
So it's like, you might do a little bit of it.
- Ah ha ha.
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
- You know you make everything worse by panicking.
- (laughs) That's, yeah.
I'm gonna take it all calm and chill.
♪ Everything's gonna be okay ♪
- I have to sing that to Jessica every morning.
- (laughs) Imagine if you did, oh my god.
Claudia, fortunately, unfortunately,
has a job that requires leaving the house.
Which is super, you know, fortunate,
in that she can leave the building site
and doesn't have to deal with it all day, every day.
But also super unfortunate because there's a pandemic on.
- There's a pandemic on with a respiratory virus
and I'm looking in people's mouths!
- She's a dentist.
- I'm just like, yeah, you know, whatever.
- And then people just come in for fun.
Like, during the second UK lockdown,
you're only supposed to go
to your necessary medical appointments.
And people are like,
"Hey, I've decided now's a great time
to look into teeth whitening."
- I know. - And she's like,
"Why are you here?"
- I was a bit like, "Why?" - What is going on?
- It's not an essential treatment.
- Why do you think? - But no one listens
to Boris, that's why. - You matter?
- They're like, "Whatever, Boris."
- Boris's fault, everything is Boris's fault.
- And also, I think it's because everyone's working
from home, well not everyone,
but a lot of people are working from home
or they've been furloughed.
If they're in lucky positions to be for furloughed
or wouldn't be able to work from home.
Then they're like, "Hmm, I've got more time.
Like, I'm like I'm able to go
to an appointment at the dentist."
So they're- - Which normally,
they would miss without calling.
- So they're just like, all coming in right now.
It's like we're busier than ever.
- I think also people are staring at themselves a lot more.
You just don't have anyone
to look at. - That's true.
Or maybe they're thinking, "I'll do this kind of work now
where I have to lose a tooth for like a week."
No one's seeing the transition period.
- Yeah, people are just gonna see afterwards.
And everyone at the office when you come back
will just be like, "You're looking great!"
But no one will actually know.
- Right, what's the timing?
How far have we gone?
- Oh my god, oh my god. - Where's the phone?
- We've got 21 minutes left.
- Okay, that's all right,
that's all right. - I've sewn on one pearl.
- Come on darling, party.
- Party, we've got a party!
We don't, we have a Zoom call with my parents,
but you know, party!
- And where we will be wearing
our obligatory Christmas jumpers.
- Let's do it. - So the challenge as well,
is I said to Jessica, "If we were going to wear these
to a real party, we've gotta like dance around
in them and then sit down,
and see if they survive it." - Yes, we're having
a danceathon. - Can we, yeah.
Can we actually put them on or have we sewed
all the way through the double layer of jumper?
(both laughing)
And secondly, can we dance with in them
without like bits falling off?
- This is so, see like I've watched sewing YouTubers
and they do this in two seconds, I swear to god.
Or they're like, " It took me an entire day
to create this 18th century ballgown."
Just the one day, huh?
- 'Cause that program wasn't it, "The Great Sewing Bee".
- Yes, there was!
- I mean, there's quite a lot of programs.
- But I always thought it was a bit unfair
because people, different people have different skill sets.
- That's the same with "Bake Off".
That's why you get eliminated.
- That's really harsh.
- No, that is just competition.
- Look, I'm a Quaker.
I was raised without competition, so.
Don't know what to tell you. - At least once a week,
Jessica pipes up, "I'm a Quaker."
There's always some reason.
- (laughs) Just an excuse. - Gawd.
- I was raised a Quaker,
so I don't know. - Also, one of the main things
about a Quakerism. - Is shutting up about it!
- Is not talking about being Quaker and going on about it.
So uh, you know. - All right, jeez.
It's normally when you're like,
"Hey, do you remember this toy from our childhood?
We used to shoot people with foam bullets."
And I'm like, "No."
We were only allowed educational, nonviolent toys.
- What do you mean, like Nerf guns?
- Sure. (laughs)
- You know, I'm always one of those people
that's like, double sews.
Like, I sew through the wrong side.
Like, you know, like I'll be hemming my trousers,
but I've just like closed them shut instead.
(Jessica laughs)
Hold on, I've just spent an hour doing that!
God damn it! - Gotta unpick it.
I know, I'm not even properly sewing.
I mean, I am sewing,
but I'm just really hastily like tying it.
Yep, done, excellent.
- Why is someone gonna be looking
on the inside of your jumper at Christmas party?
Everyone's gonna be too sozzled to even look anywhere.
- I might get lucky with you.
- (laughs) I don't think I'll be looking
on the inside of your jumper.
- You wouldn't, oh.
- I'd look on what's inside your jumper.
- Yeah you would.
- "Naked Attraction". - No!
"Naked Attraction", if you've never seen "Naked Attraction",
basically they put naked people in boxes
and then they find someone who,
for some reason, is attracted just to genitals,
but like literally just to genitals.
And then they raise the top of,
they raise the front of the box
so that all this person can see is genitals.
And they go, "Choose one to be your life partner!"
And they're like, "Uh, okay."
- I've lost my needle! - Oh no, is it
in the middle of the head? - Yeah.
- I'm trying to- - Excuse me, like what.
- I'm so sorry! - You coming into my half
of my jumper space. - My jumper is just oversized.
There's only so much I can do. - Your jumper is smaller
than my jumper! (Jessica laughs)
- Time check, oh shoot, 13 minutes!
The reason that I personally don't like swearing
is just that because it hurts people.
Some people are offended by it.
Wouldn't want to upset anyone. - Yeah, but.
Yeah but I've said like, "Oh, will you allow blasphemy?"
And she's like, "Yeah."
I'm like, "Well that offends lots of people."
Don't care about the people it offends,
like, so you've got sectors of people.
- No way, when did I say,
"Yes, blasphemy's fine." - You told me!
- You're just being about a religion,
that's not right. - No, it's like, "Oh my god."
But if you're just saying, "Oh god," yeah!
- I guess that's not really offending anyone, is it?
But even religion- - No, it's not standing there
and going, "Your religion is stupid."
- And even religious people could be like, "Oh god."
- Oh, this is really cute!
- Are you just copying my idea now?
- No! - Okay.
- How am I copying your idea?
- I dunno, just getting like a central thing.
- By making a Christmas jumper?
- How dare you put Christmassy things on your jumper!
- (laughs) In this Christmas jumper challenge!
Where are the scissors?
(bright Christmas music)
- I came up with the ingenious idea of using wire
rather than thread to like pierce the jumper with.
Trying to keep things attached.
- Gonna rock up this party looking as stylish
as I normally do. (laughs)
Hopefully it's a Zoom party because no one can see.
- Yeah and also hopefully there's like loads of people
at this party so the screen's like,
got loads of people on it.
- Yeah it'll be fine, it'll be fine.
Also I learnt the other day
'cause I was doing an interview with a journalist,
that Zoom has a beauty filter.
Okay, I mean, I'm still,
I've just crowned my jumper with pegs.
And then I went and got two Sharpies.
Make you a cute jumper.
Wait, that would be so much easier.
Her jumpers are really tiny, damn.
- Should've accessorized the dog's-
- We should've thought this through!
Why did we make ourselves Christmas jumpers?
- Well, I mean, the dogs weren't suddenly going
to a last minute Christmas party, that's why.
- (laughs) Hey, it's 2020, we need all of the guests
we can get to our Christmas party, all right?
Go you, you're amazing.
You're rocking it, you're killing it.
- Aw, thanks darling.
We're getting there, we're getting there.
- I'm just your cheerleader in life.
- How are you gonna put that over your head?
Remember that is part of the challenge.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll find out.
That's part of the fun, exactly.
Oh no, I don't wanna draw on it now,
'cause I have an issue about things, permanency.
Ah!
I'm running out.
Oh no, what's seasonal, what's a seasonal thing?
- No, my needle became unthread!
Ow, just poked myself with the needle.
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
Is everything okay?
Oh my god, what should I do now?
Oh, we've just got seconds to go.
- No, no! - Seconds to go!
- No no no no no no, I'm not done!
- That's not how it works, Claudia!
- No, not seconds!
- Yes Claudia, seconds.
- No no no, no, what?
No that's not fair, no.
I need an extension, give me more time.
- Are you calling in an extension?
All right, you're calling in a pause, is that it?
Is that it, is that it? - Look, we're gonna be
fashionably late to the party.
- And pause, you've got. (laughs)
- We're gonna be fashionably late to the party
by five minutes, okay?
- All right, okay, okay, and start!
Five minutes, go!
- I'm not normally the one that's like-
- Tilly's like asleep on my lap, so unbothered.
Like, "Finally, all the builder's have gone.
I can just sleep on my mummy, everything is fine."
Okay, oo oo oo, oo oo oo, oo oo.
♪ Oo, oo woo ♪
Don't know what that was.
- Yeah, should at least be singing like.
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh, hey ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ La la la la ♪
♪ Everything is fine, everything is fine, everything is fine ♪
♪ Everything is gonna be okay ♪
(Jessica laughs)
- All right, you know what, I think I've cracked it.
This is the first time we've like,
I've not finished a competition before you.
Some people might take points off me
because actually you've finished on time.
- Hi bubby, this is my bubby little puppy.
The puppy and I have just been lay here snuggling.
(bright Christmas music)
- Oh no, my needle, it became unthread again!
Oh my god, ow, oh no no bubba.
- (laughs) It's okay bubs, it's okay.
- Yes! (Jessica cheers)
I think that's- - Done, done!
- All right, now we put them on.
Maybe let's film them. - Now let's see what happens.
Okay, and now the mark of a successful jumper making.
Can we actually put it on over our heads?
- And dance around a bit. - And dance around.
- And nothing falls off.
- I've got to try and get this around my head.
- Are you, yeah I'm interested to see
how you're gonna get the peg neck around you
without anything coming off.
- It's gonna happen, I'm gonna do it.
I'm just gonna really slowly lower it, lower it.
Pulling, pulling, oh, oh.
- I'm just gonna get Walter and Tilly in.
Come out from the cold. - I made it.
I have birthed my head. (groans)
- Oh you did it, well done. - Yes, fly!
- We look like we're ready for a Christmas party.
- Why does your jumper look smaller than mine?
Mine's the size bigger. - What are you saying about,
what are you saying about me?
'Cause I rolled my sleeves up.
- 'Cause yours looks like it actually.
- You fold it in a bit. - Is acceptable.
It's actually quite a look, it's quite a look.
Stunning. - Feel like I could
glide in this. - Absolutely stunning.
♪ Whoa, I'm an angel ♪
I think if you wanted to jump off a building,
you'd be okay. - Woo!
Why would I jump off a building?
- [Jessica] (laughs) Don't know.
- 'Cause 2021 is just round the corner, guys.
- [Jessica] Your boobs have got a face in the center.
- That's my third nipple.
Do you think people would be like,
"Did you make that yourself?"
Or do you think they'd know that, you know,
I bought it from an expensive shop.
- Yeah, they believe you'd bought it.
So my jumper here,
I'm trying to curry favors with our viewers.
You might be able to tell.
It says, "Season's greetings, lovely people."
Huh, huh, huh?
I think that's worth extra points for me, clearly, these-
- [Claudia] Got pearls, is that your signature?
- It's got pearls.
Delightful, who wouldn't love pearls on a jumper?
Just what I'm after, in fact.
It has a beautiful wreath around my neck.
- [Claudia] Oh, I didn't know we had to explain our jumpers.
- Which I've put on.
We don't have to explain the jumpers, I just like to talk.
It's even got a Christmas ornament.
- Jessica explained her jumper
so I've gotta explain my concept.
This is a reindeer's head
and this is the sleigh like trailing
behind the reindeer. - What?
- And these are the other,
this is Rudolph, 'cause Rudolph leads the sleigh.
And then look, these are the other reindeers and the bells.
There also little bells dashing through the snow.
So mine is the whole like, you know,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer theme.
- Whoa, that's really good. - Thanks.
- [Jessica] You really thought that through
in the five seconds since you realized
you had to explain your jumper.
- No, I thought it through at the beginning!
- (laughs) Sure.
We come to the real test of a Christmas jumper.
Can we rock it on the dance floor?
Obviously it's a dance floor
for just the two of us 'cause it's 2020.
Just breathe on your household.
This dancing, I don't even know. (laughs)
(indistinct) Good stuff, good stuff.
Dance like your '90s ma. - This is how you dance
in a Christmas jumper.
- Thank you so much for watching us
make these incredible '90s Christmas jumpers,
I think you'll agree.
They both survived the mum dance off.
I'm winning, I'm winning.
Whichever you have decided was the best Christmas jumper
will be crowned in the next video,
the Christmas jumper winner.
So please let us know in the comments down below.
I think you should vote for me
because I, look, I even wrote lovely people on it.
- Vote for me and the Rudolph sleigh jingle bells concept.
- Vote for me, go down there in the comments
and vote for me, thank you.
Merry Christmas!
(bright Christmas music)