- This video will show you how to stop fearing
that the love you have will end.
This ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy
for so many people
because they sabotage the energy by always fearing
that the love is going to go away.
And in this video, I'm gonna show you exactly
how to change the energy from the inside out,
how to stop fearing the end,
and how to start feeling comfortable
with receiving love continuously.
Now, let's even look at what beliefs would have to be active
for this to actually be the case.
'Cause I will say from experience that I have been somebody
that was always looking for the problem.
I was looking for and giving meaning
to other people I was dating,
that if they put their attention somewhere else,
I would assume, oh, this is going to end.
They're putting their attention somewhere else
because they're thinking of somebody else.
And what ends up happening is needy energy is put out,
and it's like they feel that needy energy,
and then they are repelled.
Now remember, the key to having magnetic energy
is to have non-neediness, to be not needy.
The degree to which you are not needy
is the degree to which you have attractive energy.
The degree to which you have needy energy
active inside of your body
is the degree to which you are actually repelling love.
Now let's look at what neediness is
and how that relates to the fear
that something's going to end.
Neediness is when you look to something outside of yourself,
and you make that thing more important than yourself.
So if you're in a love relationship,
and you say, this person has the love that I crave,
and they are the source of my own happiness.
Now what is actually happening,
as a child that were inner child needs that weren't met.
So as a kid, maybe you had a mom or dad
that was physically or emotionally unavailable.
And what ended up happening is
there was a belief that was wired in.
There was a meaning that was given
that said there's something wrong with me,
and I must tune to other people
in order to get my needs met.
I must be appropriate.
I must be like a certain way.
And what ends up happening is in relationships
then years later, maybe 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years later,
there's a feeling that still is there that says,
I'm not good enough.
I must overcompensate by being a people pleaser
or by really wanting or needing someone else
to be a certain way,
and then the energy gets all messed up.
The energy comes off as needy.
Now when you look at the childhood stuff,
because I'd say a good percentage of the time,
like 90% of the time that I've noticed at least,
is most people that have these kind of
things that they're working with now in their life,
it stemmed from something that happened
that became familiarized earlier on in life.
And normally in childhood.
Now there's, in a way,
a familiar energy dynamic that's going on.
Now here's the thing, and here's the kicker
with this whole fearing that the end will come.
And let me ask you this question.
Growing up, were your parents unconditional
or conditional with their love?
Did they give love and then take away love at some point?
Did they show up,
and then all of a sudden pull their energy back,
leaving you wondering why is mom and dad not showing up?
Because I would say, when you look at this also,
when it comes to the attachment styles,
you have secure attachment style.
There's three different attachment styles.
There's secure attachment,
which means growing up your parents consistently.
Normally it means growing up
your parents consistently were present with you,
and you're able to give and receive love equally and easily.
There's still challenges in relationships,
but that is one of the, like the side effects.
So these people tend to be in relationships,
and it's a healthier,
the healthiest version of the attachment style.
Then you have anxious attachment.
Anxious attachment are people that lean in for love.
People that a lot of times feel like
they have to abandon themselves to make other people happy.
And it's where somebody seeks the validation,
the approval, and the love from somebody else.
So it's like in a way they believe the love
is external to themselves.
That's anxious.
Then avoidant is the third one.
Avoidant is where you keep love at an arm's length.
It's where at a certain point in your past
you felt like you couldn't trust love
where normally what happened is mom, or dad,
or somebody in your family broke trust with you,
and you said, this is not safe.
A lot of times it could be
a parent cheated on the other parent,
and then in a meaning is given that says,
once again, there's something wrong with me,
but it's not safe to be intimate.
It's not safe to be close.
Sometimes it's also a parent that's overly attentive
and needy.
And what ends up happening is that then the person says,
love isn't safe.
I must claim my own independence.
Now, when it comes to fearing the end,
a lot of times the anxious person will fear the end.
The end, a lot of times for the avoidant,
isn't the worst case scenario
because the avoidant wants their own independence,
and the independence isn't as scary to them.
Whereas the anxious person, they feel like they need it.
At least that's the story they tell themselves.
So what happens if somebody is fearing the end
is there is a belief there that says, one,
there's something wrong with me.
I'm broken.
And I'm going to try to prove my sense of self-worth
through the external, through somebody else.
That's normally the first belief that's active.
The other belief that is active is that
people tend to leave me.
People come, and they go, and they don't stick around.
So let me ask you this.
Did mom or dad stick around,
or did they emotionally or physically leave?
Did they check out at a certain point?
Because if that happened, there's a,
maybe a childlike version of you
that's back in your timeline in a way that's like,
why did mom or dad leave?
Sometimes even with no explanation.
And then my guess is that then
there may be some type of dynamic
where maybe people like a ex or somebody left you
with not much explanation.
I've heard of that happening before
where people just get up and leave.
And they're like,
why did this person like barely even talk to me?
And they just got up and left,
and we were together for like a year, or two, or whatever.
And it doesn't make sense.
But sometimes you'll be able to see that back in childhood
there was a moment or something that happened,
even if you can't physically become aware
of the actual experience where this happened,
but a lot of times there's a belief there
or a fear that somebody's just gonna get up and go
with no explanation at all.
And sometimes maybe there is an explanation.
Maybe the explanation is there's something wrong with you.
So then there's a,
they say, oh there's something wrong with you.
And then you're like, oh, there's something wrong with me.
But maybe there was an explanation growing up.
So the thing to become aware of with this
is what are the beliefs you have
around people staying around?
What are the beliefs you have around people leaving?
What are the beliefs you have around you being worthy?
Because what changed this all for me
was I had to release the shame
that I had that was built from childhood.
And I had shame that I felt like
I was emotionally abandoned as a kid,
and there was something wrong with me.
I know when my brother was born when I was three years old,
the attention shifted for me to my brother
who also had a lot of health complications as a baby.
So like a lot of the attention went to him,
and it was like I look back
when I was like three or four years old.
It's like, what was little Aaron thinking?
But I can definitely tell that when the energy was shifted,
there was a, I got quiet.
My mom told me, like you were really quiet
after your brother was born.
And I feel like part of the reason that was
is because I was internalizing, going inwards and saying,
huh, there's something,
I felt like there was something wrong.
I felt like the attention went all to my brother,
and I think that's a common thing that happens in childhood.
But then what I realized is I felt like I wasn't chosen.
So then what happened is there was this belief
and this feeling like I'm not chosen.
And what happened is years later,
up until a couple years ago, I would date women.
And it was like, I felt like
I was trying to prove myself to them.
A lot of times I would try to fix them,
which means I'm implying they're broken, by the way.
But I would try to, I would overly compensate.
Like, oh if I can fix this person,
and help them in any way, and help them with their business,
and this, and this, and this,
then they'll stick around with me,
because who else would do that?
So I would overcompensate.
And then what would end up happening is
it wouldn't feel, there wouldn't be as much polarity there
because I'm overcompensating in this way.
And it's like, I'm going from being,
instead of just being a boyfriend
or someone that's dating and become like a coach,
or like a mom or a dad energetically,
and it messes up the whole energy dynamic.
So then what I realized is that
if I was trying to prove to somebody that I was worthy,
and they weren't choosing me,
I thought it was like this person,
and there was a story that I had with the person,
and all of this,
but then I realized that this story
and this dynamic is so similar,
and it actually stems even deeper from childhood.
I was in a way fighting to prove myself
so that I could close the loop from childhood,
because my worst fear was coming alive.
The worst fear was I'm not good enough.
I'm not being chosen.
And then I was always sabotaging things
because I was like looking for the shoe to drop.
I was looking for things to end.
I was looking for energy to be weird.
I was looking for.
It's like your beliefs are being projected out,
and the other person can almost feel what you're fearing,
and then it almost influences them to act in that way.
I remember times I can see that I was like,
I would get afraid or fearful of somebody else.
Let's say like, somebody I was dating was like,
oh, I'm gonna go hang out with a friend.
Instead of saying, okay, that's cool,
and then like going hang out with my friends or whatever,
I'd be like, oh, what if that friend
is like a guy she's dating?
What if it's this?
What if it's that?
And all this fear comes up.
Well, maybe she's gonna leave me, and blah, blah, blah.
That's all the story that gets created
because there is a fear,
and because there's also a belief in scarcity.
There's a belief in,
there's a belief that, oh, if that happens,
my happiness goes away.
There's something wrong.
When instead it'd be like, oh, if that happens
and I find out about it, then I saved myself time
because I don't wanna be with someone that's cheating,
or I don't wanna be with somebody that's like that.
When you actually feel worthy,
and you feel like you deserve love,
you won't put up with energy that is inconsistent
or energy that even would leave you like that.
It's almost like there's a certain level
of your own self awareness and your own self love
that you begin to tap into.
So not fearing the end is really about becoming aware
that in childhood or early on in life
there may have been some energy that was active
where love was either conditional,
meaning it was only given on certain conditions,
and then it was also taken away with certain conditions.
So then it creates anxiety in current relationships
'cause it's like, when am I not gonna be good enough?
When am I gonna do something wrong?
When am I gonna mess this up?
And there's a belief there that emanates out needy energy.
One of the most powerful things that I learned how to do
and that you can learn how to do
is how to release the shame,
and how to release the belief that you're broken,
and how to understand that you can, from the inside out,
begin to live according to your own values
and value vulnerability, more than other people's approval.
That was a game changer.
I started to value opening up my heart.
Because shame hides in the dark.
The cure to shame is vulnerability.
Opening yourself, expressing the real you,
and being able to like show that side of yourself
and open up your heart.
And as you do that, it shines light on these things.
And another powerful thing you could do
is if you're fearing the end with your partner,
you could actually even mention to them.
Say, hey, I know that we're settled in and everything,
but I just want you to know like
that sometimes these thoughts come up,
and these beliefs come up, and these feelings come up
where I fear that you're gonna leave me.
And it scares me.
And I'm not sure what to do about it.
And I'm processing these emotions, and I'm going through it,
and I just want you to know that I'm working on myself.
That can be powerful,
because then the other person's gonna see
the humanness in you.
The other person's gonna see that,
and they may help you.
They may soothe you more often.
They may be like, hey, there's nothing to worry about.
I'm just gonna hang out with my friends.
I just need some time to myself.
Instead of just saying, I'm gonna go hang out with a friend.
Why are you wondering?
Don't worry about it.
You see what I mean?
It's like they can almost help soothe you a little bit
to alleviate that fear,
but really this is a self-belief thing.
This is an identity thing
of letting go of believing you're not worthy.
And the way you let go of believing you're worthy,
by the way, and the way you feel worthy,
is you let go of the belief you're not worthy.
You become aware of where that came from.
You let go of it.
You'd observe it when it comes up
instead of engaging with it,
and that changes absolutely everything.
Now, one of the most powerful meditations I have
is an inner child meditation
where energetically you go to Kauai, Hawaii,
and you heal your inner child.
It's one of the most powerful meditations I have.
It's completely free.
All you gotta do is go to AaronDoughty.com/child.
'Cause it's an inner child meditation.
So AaronDoughty.com/child,
or hit the link in the description box below.
One of the most powerful videos to watch after this
is the three ways to become so irresistible
that they never want to leave.
This video is right here.
Watch this video right meow.
In this video, I'm gonna show you the three easy ways
to get it so where you have irresistible energy
so that people don't leave you.
Once we let go of the belief that we are replaceable,
a lot in our life begins a change.
And in this video, I'm gonna show-