Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and realize it's time to get out, but have
no idea what to do to get out? Watch this video and you'll know exactly the steps that
you need to take in order to actually exit that relationship with that narcissist for
good. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and
the bestselling author of the books Negotiate Like You Matter, and Breaking Free, a Step-by-Step
Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands, maybe even millions at this point, of people
get out of these relationships with narcissists, and I do the same thing for you right here
on this channel and in these videos. So if you haven't subscribed, let's stop right now,
give you a moment to subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell, and that way
you'll get notified when I upload brand new content.
So you know by now that you're dealing with a narcissist, you're in this relationship
with a narcissist, and you're thinking how the heck do I get out of this relationship?
How do I end it? How do I move forward? I hear from people all day long, thousands of
you from all over the world who have asked me how do I get out of these relationships?
What do I do next, I'm scared? This person has set up this situation where they're in
control and they have you feeling and believing in a situation where you think if I ever try
to leave this person, it's going to be pure hell.
Let me tell you it is, I can't sugar coat that, and if I sat here and told you it's
not going to be hell to get out of it then I would be lying to you and that's not what
I do here. So but what I can tell you is that I've helped many, many people get through
this, and get to the other side, and it is better, and you can move on, and it is a better
life on the other side despite what they may say. They may even say to you you'll be nothing
without them, that's not true. So that's what I'm doing here on this channel and with the
work that I do, and I promise you it will get better on the other side of this crazy
thing. So when you're dealing a narcissist remember
that you're dealing with a personality type that has no inner sense of value. They have
to derive all of their value from the external in the form of what we call narcissistic supply.
And if you want to know more about narcissistic supply, check out my Narcissism 101 video
called Narcissistic Supplies so that you can understand more of what it is, but basically
it's anything that feeds a narcissist ego. And if they see that supply source walking
out the door, then they're going to go crazy. It's sort of like a two year old who's having
a tantrum. If the two year old wants to get something from the parents they may fall to
the floor, they may cry, they may scream, they may rage, they may throw things, they
may do all these things, and what the two year old is doing is basically testing the
parents and conditioning them to see if I scream and if I do these things, are you going
to give me what I want? And if the parents give in to that child, then they know for
next time all I have to do is scream louder, scream longer, scream harder, throw things,
completely embarrass them, make their lives miserable, and they'll just give in.
So that's what you're going to start seeing with this narcissist. You're going to see
where you actually trigger that narcissistic rage is going to come out and things will
probably get worse before they get better. But narcissists are always the worst right
before they're ready to give up, so never forget that okay?
So when you go to end this relationship you have to be extremely careful, extremely purposeful,
and deliberate, and have a plan of action when you go to end the relationship that will
actually make sure that you do the things that you need to do to get where you need
to go. Number one, don't give them one more chance.
Not verbally, not internally. They've had their chance, you've given them the options
over and over and over again on how to correct their behavior. They can't, they won't and
don't give them one more chance, just decide and move on.
Number two, when you decide to leave them, don't tell them, don't share it with them,
just move on. You're going to create your plan for getting out and you're not going
to share any of it with them. Don't say I'm leaving you, I'm getting ready to leave you,
nothing like that, just create the plan and then execute on it. They will do everything
they can to make this a living hell for you, and they may even try to thwart your efforts
to leave. So they may try to foil your plans, they may try to love bomb you, guilt you,
play the victim, all of these different things. And if it's already been a hard decision for
you to come to, hen you could get sucked back into that, so don't tell them about your plan.
The other thing that they might try to do is intimidate you, devalue you, cause fear
inside of you, if you leave this is what's going to happen, or they may just decide that
they're going to discard you first, beat you to it, make it worse for you, something like
that. So do not tell them that you are leaving. Number three is make a copy of all of the
important documents that you're going to need, financial or otherwise. It's really important
if you can to make a copy or take a picture of these documents because if you take the
documents and they find out that you took them, then that'll be something that they
can use against you. Oh, she took everything out of the home and they'll turn it into something
much bigger and much worse, they stole money, blah, blah, blah. So just make sure that you
have copies or take pictures of the documents that you're going to need. Financials such
as tax returns and bank statements, credit card statements, deeds, any prenuptial agreements,
things of that nature. Number four, I talk about this in my other
videos, Before You Leave A Narcissist Watch This is one of them, but one of the things
you're going to want to do is have a stash of cash. You're going to want to have at least
three months worth so that your lawyer will have an opportunity to set a hearing and get
you temporary support if you are the non-moneyed spouse. And you're also going to want to have
enough to hire a lawyer. Number four is if you are in an abusive situation
report what has happened to you. Report it to your therapist, report it to your clergyman,
report it to the police, whoever you need to, especially if it's been physical abuse
or sexual abuse or anything like that. You can always go to a domestic violence shelter
as well, but don't be silent about it, there are resources out there for you, and we will
actually drop a link and the phone number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline
so that you can call that if you feel that your life is in danger.
Number five is change your passwords and log out of all of your devices before you leave
anywhere, and make sure that you've logged out of all of the clouds as well. I've had
clients who've had that situation where they didn't realize that the iPad that was left
at home was connected to the cloud, and now the spouse was reading all of their emails
and seeing all of their text messages and things like that. So change your passwords
on all of your devices, and including passwords to social media accounts and things like that.
And also block them, get them off of your social media and they're flying monkeys as
well, think about their minions as well. So making sure that you also have a secure email,
that is how you and your attorney are going to be communicating each other so you need
to have a secure email to be able to do that. Number seven is check your devices for trackers,
or your vehicles for trackers. Make sure that nothing has been put onto your car, especially
if you're dealing with a malignant narcissist. If you want to know more about malignant narcissists,
they are the most dangerous form of narcissists, check out my video on a malignant narcissist,
but they do have a tendency to track the people that they're dealing with, they stalk them,
they have a proclivity for stalking, so make sure to check your vehicle for any tracking
devices. Number eight is don't give into their flattery
or their love bombing. They may start to do the things that they did to get you into their
web of control in the first place, like love bombing you. And if you want to know more
about love bombing check out my video on love bombing, but they may start doing that. Don't
listen to it, close your ears, it's a trick, it's a way to kind of suck you back in. Sometimes
it's called hoovering and it's really just a manipulation method to get you back into
their web of control. Number nine is reconnect with family and friends.
You are going to need a support system as you go through this. So reconnect with the
people that mean the most to you, who love you, who will believe you, who will support
you. And also seek out therapists, seek out somebody that you can talk to about those
who's a neutral third party. Maybe even a clergyman or somebody at your church or synagogue
or something like that, so that you will have a support system in place as you go through
this. Number 10 similarly the opposite side of this
is disconnect from anybody who's toxic, anybody who's not going to be helpful, anybody who's
not going to be on your side, who's going to judge you or make you feel worse, or make
you feel like a failure. You don't need that in your life.
Number 11 is stay away upon leaving. Once you have left stay away, don't fall prey to
going back even just to have a conversation or anything like that. Just stay firm in your
decision and stay strong in your decision once you've made that decision.
Next is learn about narcissism. Use the resources that are out there, including this channel,
including the other channels that are out there on YouTube which have amazing resources.
Dr. Romany has great resources and she's a psychologist, there are several others out
there like her Melanie Tanya Evans, Tracy Malone, who of Narcissist Abuse Support, there
are lots of us out there that are providing resources around narcissism. Kim Syeda is
another one, and I've actually partnered with all of these people in various times and we've
done videos together. And the reason why we do these videos together is because we each
bring different perspective, more information, and at this time you really want to learn
about what it is that you need to do. Here on my channel I teach you about narcissists
because it's really important for you to understand the pathology of narcissism and the psychology
of narcissism just enough to know what you need to do to negotiate with them and get
out of this relationship with them in a way that leaves you as unscathed as possible,
and helps you come to a fair resolution. And if you are so ready to delete that toxicity
and move forward with your life, give me an I'm ready in the comments.
The next thing that you can do is go easy on yourself, go slowly, forgive yourself.
You did what you did and you made the decisions that you made in the moment, and remember
that these people are master manipulators, they've been manipulating their whole entire
lives. Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you were in that relationship. It happened,
you learned from it, you're moving on now, and that's the most important thing. So forgive
yourself. I also do have a video on self care to cope with a narcissist and you might want
to check that one out as well. But the most important thing is take care of yourself,
go easy on yourself, go slowly, it's okay. And don't even beat yourself up over if you
end up doing some of these things I'm saying not to do, if you end up talking to the person,
if you end up, it's okay, just forgive yourself. Understand that you're going to be going through
the stages of grief. This is the end of a relationship, this is the end of a dream,
it's the end of what you thought was happening, it's the end of what you thought your future
was going to be. So you will be going through those five stages of grief and you will eventually
heal it, you will eventually get to the other side and it will be better.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, it's 15 pages, it's basically an eBook, it's totally
free and you can get it at the link below or winmynegotiation.com and it will be all
yours. If you want more support and you want to connect
with others who are also dealing with narcissists come on over and join me in my free private
Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and we will drop a link
to that below. And if you like this video give it a like, give it a share, drop me a
comment, let me know that you were here. I'm so glad that you were here. And if you haven't
subscribed to my channel now's a great time to do that. Just subscribe, hit that notification
bell, and that way you instantly become part of our little YouTube community right here.
So remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I will see you in the next
video.