It wasn’t like the judge said.
It wasn’t in cold blood.
I wasn’t callous or unthinking or any of the other stuff
they said in court.
Obviously, I didn’t mean for him to die.
Listen, they only said all that nice stuff about him
because he’s dead, yes?
Because I am telling you, if it hadn’t been him,
it would have been me.
You feel me?
He was coming for me.
His whole crew had been vexing me, you feel me?
Oh yeah, and when they nicked my trainers and gave me licks and that,
no one gave a shit.
No one.
Another time I was coming back from football and they jumped me.
Six or seven of them.
Then they start bragging about it on the Gram and that ...
oi D man, yeah … moist, wasteman.
I am sorry but I am not having them calling me
batty man and wasteman and not coming back.
People start thinking you’re weak, you know?
Feel they can start taking liberties.
So, I go to have it out with him, and it does seem kind of dumb now,
real kids’ stuff, but the more I thought of them laughing,
and taking the piss, the more vexed I got.
Then they started saying stuff about my girl, Courtney,
saying how they’d all had her,
she’s a slag.
And I am not gonna lie, thinking about everyone seeing all this,
and laughing at me, you know? I got so mad about it,
I couldn’t think straight.
The thing is, I only took a blade because I knew they’d all have one.
I just waited outside this club, that I knew that they were in,
and I waited for the first one to come out and I jumped him.
It was only meant to be a warning or whatever, you know?
Stop them chatting shit and that.
Honestly, I thought he would be all right.
When I ran off he was sitting up.
He looked at me and he didn’t look like he was going to …
So I went to my uncle’s to chill and dump the blade.
I kept turning my phone off and turning it back on again ...
Every time I checked my phone someone else was calling my name,
Nobody knew who I was but I thought like I was surrounded.
I wandered about for one hour.
And they found me in the park the next day.
I just went with them.
Didn’t say a word.
That’s when I found out that he’d …
You know, he’d died.
I am not a bad person, I am not some kind of monster,
I am not a murderer.
It was him or me, him or me.