You know, I think it’s a toss-up as to which era of comic books has been the most important — you
can make a compelling argument for each of them — but when it comes to which has been the most fun?
I think that’s a less challenging question to answer. It’s gotta be the Silver Age,
right? Especially if, like me, you are a DC Comics person. The Silver Age,
more so than any other era of comic book history, is where DC found its voice,
its personality as a company. That’s because the Silver Age is when DC got weird.
I’m not saying that Marvel doesn’t have its share of weirdness — it totally does. But if
you’re looking for outlandish, off-the-wall, what-were-they-thinking superhero comics,
it’s tough to beat the DC Comics output of the 1950s and ‘60s.
One of the things that makes DC from this era so much fun is how the company seemed to
reserve the real heavy-duty weirdness for its A-listers. Sure, you’ve got the Doom Patrol and
Detective Chimp running around doing their things, but you’ve also got the Composite Superman — a
villain who appears to be half Batman, half Superman — that time Batman decides to start
wearing a different brightly colored costume every night for what turns out to be the goofiest reason
ever — to distract people from the fact that Robin has an injured arm — and that time Superman gains
an amazing new superpower: the ability to shoot a miniature version of himself out of his hand.
It was all pretty goofy. But, it was original — and a hell of a lot of fun. The story I’m going
to tell you about in this video isn’t quite as out there as those I just mentioned. But it’s still
pretty far out. And, it illustrates something important about how these characters were
portrayed during the Silver Age that we sometimes lose sight of. It’s not just that the Silver Age
Superman and Batman have weird adventures — it’s that they’re also deeply weird people.
This story comes from Action Comics #241, the June 1958 issue, and it’s called “The
Super-Key to Fort Superman”. Regardless of the specifics, which as I’m about to describe,
are bonkers, this story was destined to be a milestone in Superman’s character history,
because it’s the first time we see the Silver Age version of the Fortress of Solitude,
which is the version of the Fortress that would prove to be the most enduring,
and the most influential on future versions in comics and other media.
But, before we get to the Fortress, the story opens with Clark Kent on his lunch break,
taking a stroll through the streets of Metropolis alongside Lois Lane
and Jimmy Olsen. They’re doing some window shopping. Lois sees an expensive necklace and
laments that she’ll never be able to afford it — least way’s not on a girl reporter’s salary!
And, as they pass by one of those storefront car dealerships that were so popular in the 1950s,
I’m assuming, Jimmy pines for a sporty little roadster.
After clocking out at the Daily Planet, Clark changes into Superman and flies off to,
as he puts it in a thought balloon, work on those gifts for his friends. First, he flies to the sea
and goes oyster diving, harvesting some pearls. Then, he flies north to an arctic mountain,
where he lands by a gigantic yellow airplane guide arrow. This may seem like another goofy
invention of Silver Age comic book writers, but giant airplane guide arrows were actually a thing
back in the days before planes had sophisticated navigation systems. They’re no longer used,
but some of them still exist and are in pretty good shape. It’s neat!
Anyway, this is no mere gigantic yellow airplane guide arrow to which Superman has flown — it’s
actually the key to his Fortress of Solitude, a key not only hiding in plain sight disguised as
an airplane arrow, but also a key so enormous that even if someone did figure out its true purpose,
no one but Superman is strong enough to lift it!
Supes picks up the key, unlocks the Fortress, and once inside, in an adorable but seemingly
meaningless detail, hangs the key on a massive key peg he has pounded into the rock wall. From there,
Superman takes us on a little tour of the Fortress and did I mention what a deeply
weird individual the Silver Age Superman is? Because that’s about to become relevant.
It turns out, Superman has organized his Fortress of Solitude into various rooms,
and there are rooms dedicated to each of his friends. So, he’s got a Lois Lane room, where
hanging on the wall is a big print of a photograph of Superman and Lois, which Lois has autographed.
Kinda sweet. And there’s also this full-size lifelike mannequin in the likeness of Lois — a
mannequin that is wearing a pearl necklace like the one Lois coveted
while gazing in the store window earlier — a necklace Superman is making himself,
using the pearls he’s been gathering from the oysters in the sea. Okay . . .
There’s also a Jimmy Olsen room, featuring a lifelike mannequin of Jimmy,
and a sports car just like the one Jimmy wants, which Superman is making himself, by hand,
one piece at a time, like in that Johnny Cash song I forget the title of.
And of course, there’s a Batman room, as well, with, yes,
a full-size lifelike mannequin of Batman, standing alongside Superman’s gift for Batman:
a bank of crime-solving computers which Superman calls the “robot detective.”
There’s also a Clark Kent room, complete with a mannequin of Clark Kent, which Superman explains
by saying — or thinking, rather — that if there was ever an earthquake that exposed
his Fortress to outsiders, they might think it was suspicious that Superman had creepy serial killer
rooms devoted to all of his friends except Clark Kent, who everybody knows is Superman’s very dear
and personal friend, and that suspicion might lead them to guess Superman’s secret identity!
I mean, seems like if they thought to take
the glasses off of that Clark Kent mannequin, that might do it, too,
but hey — who am I to question the Man of Tomorrow when it comes to risk assessment?
I haven’t even told you the creepiest part. Those gifts that Superman is making for his friends?
Lois’s necklace, Jimmy’s car, Batman’s crime computer — they’re only to be given out if
Superman dies. He spends what seems like a lot of time hand-crafting personalized gifts
for his best friends, which he does not intend to give them during his lifetime.
I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s weird.
Plus, wouldn’t it be awkward if one of those friends ever happened to be in the Fortress?
It could happen — Jimmy Olsen is Superman’s pal, after all — it’s not out of the question that he
might someday wind up at the Fortress for one reason or another. And he’s like, “Oh, hey,
Jimmy Olsen Room! Wonder what’s in here! Oh, wow, a wax replica of me! Moving past that — the sports
car I’ve always wanted! Thanks, Superman!” And Superman’s like, “Ah-ah-ahhh! Not until I’m dead!”
So, Superman finishes up at the Fortress. The next day, he receives an urgent call
from a famous scientist. Superman flies to the scientist’s lab, and the scientist says,
“Hey, I’ve invented a new metal that I think is so strong even you can’t break it. Here,
take some with you to an isolated area, assuming you know of such a place,
and see if you can break it!” Superman’s like, “Sweet! Back to the Fortress!”
He responded to an urgent call from a famous scientist!
And when he got there, the scientist was like, “Here, see if you can break this!”
And Superman’s totally cool with it! Imagine if you called 911 and the operator was like
“What’s the emergency?” and you were like, “Can someone come over and look at this weird bug I
found? Because I think it’s a beetle, but it doesn’t look like a beetle . . .” And the 911
operator is like, “That sounds amazing, we’ll send someone right over, thanks for calling!”
By the way, Earth must be having a really swell couple of days, huh?
No earthquakes, no fires, no bridges collapsing. No bank robberies, no hostage situations, no
supervillains making the White House disappear with the President inside and demanding a ransom
of ten million dollars to return it, only it turns out the supervillain actually shrank
the White House and has been hiding it in the gift shop at the White House Visitor’s Center
where it’s sat on a shelf indistinguishable from miniature models of the White House — I just made
that up! Do you see how much fun it would have been to write comics during this era? Do you see?
Anyway, Superman gets to the Fortress and finds
a most unwelcome surprise: an intruder has carved an ominous message into the
wall just inside the door: “Prepare for the greatest puzzle of your career, Superman!
I can enter and leave at will! Who am I? How can I do it? I dare you to find out!”
Superman’s stumped for the moment. No one but him could possibly have lifted that big-ass key.
And the Fortress is located behind a wall of solid rock fifty feet thick! Superman takes
an inventory of the various insane trophies he keeps in the Fortress, wondering if any of them
could be responsible. Was it some interplanetary evil released from this bubbling cauldron of
exotic crystals he’s keeping for some reason? Is one of the animals in his alien zoo screwing
with him? Maybe he should euthanize them all just to be safe! Could it have something to do
with this machine Lex Luthor built to summon beings from another dimension?
Superman has a good think about it, but eventually he’s like, “Well, I have no idea.
I guess I’ll just test that unbreakable metal that scientist guy gave me. What else am I gonna do?”
It turns out the unbreakable metal is very breakable — Superman punches a hole straight
through it and into the wall behind it. He makes an entry in his diary — which is
huge and made of metal and in which Superman writes by scratching the words
with his super-fingernails — and melts the lock on the front door as he leaves,
sealing the Fortress so that no one — theoretically — should ever be able to get in.
The next day, Superman puts out a fire — well, there goes the no hitter, folks! There was a fire.
Sorry, everybody, I jinxed it by talking about it — that’s on me. Then, he returns to the Fortress,
crashing through the rock wall to discover that, somehow, impossibly, his mysterious intruder has
gotten in again! They finished a painting Superman had started! And they left a message in invisible
ink on a piece of lead Superman was experimenting with — and here’s the kicker: Superman had written
about doing this experiment in his diary the day before. But his diary is written in Kryptonian!
How could the mysterious intruder have understood that language?!
Also, during this sequence we see that Superman has built
a big gold robot to be, as the caption puts it,
“a playmate for himself,” because Silver Age Superman is not only super weird — he’s super sad.
That night, Superman has a nightmare about the villain exposing his secret identity.
Then, the next day, he almost tips over a ship he’s rescuing because he’s so distracted
by the intruder. When he returns to the Fortress, he finds that someone has hung
a sign on the Clark Kent mannequin announcing that Clark is Superman’s secret identity,
and threatening Superman that tonight is his final chance to stop the intruder!
Superman’s like, “Who could it be?!” Then, he walks through the Batman room,
sees a puddle of melted wax right in front of the Batman mannequin, and thinks,
“Oh, okay,” and walks out. Then, we cut to Batman lurking in the shadows all smug like,
“Ha ha, Superman hasn’t figured out that it was me all along!” But then, there’s an earthquake,
and Superman and Batman are trapped in by a pile of rubble, and Superman can’t
help because a piece of kryptonite he’d been experimenting with has fallen in with them!
Batman rushes out, revealing himself as the intruder, saying, “Okay, let me get rid of this
kryptonite, and then I’ll explain the whole thing! The short version is: I was pranking you, dude!”
But, Batman can’t get rid of the kryptonite because they’re sealed in the room with it. So,
Superman says, “Look, you might as well tell me why you did all this,
since we’re trapped here and we’re both gonna die anyway.”
So, Batman explains: he got into the Fortress by cutting a hole in the end of the giant key with
an acetylene torch and hiding inside it until Superman arrived. Once inside, Batman concealed
himself behind the giant lead penny that Superman kept as a souvenir from that time they worked
together against the Joker on the Bad Penny case. He also made sure Superman would return to the
Fortress the next day by giving the professor that supposedly unbreakable metal for Superman to test.
After a couple of days of emotionally brutalizing mind games, Batman got impatient
and decided that tonight would be the night to announce himself as the mystery intruder,
so he melted down the Batman mannequin and took its place, planning to leap down from
the pedestal for a dramatic reveal if Superman didn’t figure it out first.
But of course, Superman figured it out as soon as he saw the puddle of blue and gray melted wax
right in front of where the wax dummy of Batman was supposed to be — I mean,
it doesn’t exactly take X-ray eyes and a super brain to figure that one out, Batman,
you kinda gave it away — it’s almost as if you wanted to lose.
Why did Batman do all of this in the first place? That’s an excellent question.
And Batman has an excellent answer: it’s the anniversary of Superman’s
spaceship landing on Earth from Krypton, and Batman wanted to get him a present,
but he couldn’t think of anything! He even looked at all the stores!
So. Let’s think about this. It’s the anniversary of Superman coming to Earth — his Earthday,
if you will. Batman wants to get Superman something nice, but, ooooh, what a conundrum!
I checked all the stores and I couldn’t find anything! But, then I got an idea:
I’ll give Superman a puzzle — one that even he will have trouble solving!
But what kind of puzzle could I give that would challenge Superman . . . ?
Oh, hi, Batman. Say, have you seen my copy of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes lying around?
I finished all my school work, and there don’t seem to be any crimes or
natural disasters for us to worry about right now, so I was going to re-read one
of my favorite locked-room mysteries: “The Adventure of the Speckled Band”!
What the hell is that?
Oh, it’s the story of this young woman who suspects that her step-father killed
her sister two years ago, and now she’s afraid he’s going to kill her, so she hires Holmes and—
No, shut up. I mean, what’s a locked-room mystery?
It’s a mystery story where the crime being investigated is seemingly impossible.
Like, for example, a crime that was committed
inside of a room that there was apparently no way in or out of.
That’s it! I’ll sneak into Superman’s impenetrable Fortress of Solitude and
vandalize it with taunting messages, daring him to figure out who I am and how I got in!
What? Why? Why would you do that?
Because it’s the anniversary of his coming to Earth!
. . .
And he likes puzzles! I suppose you’ve thought of a better gift?
I mean, I just got him a card and a gift certificate to Friendly’s,
which I know he likes because this one time I asked him what his favorite chain restaurant
based in the northeast United States was and he said, “Well, I like Friendly’s,” and—
Bah! Any close friend who knows and cares about him could get him that!
This will be a gift he’ll never forget!
Okay, but a gift is supposed to be more about
the person receiving it than the person who’s giving it.
. . . Where’s my acetylene torch?
Anyway, it turns out everything is okay, because after Superman saw the melted puddle of wax
and figured out it was Batman who was behind everything, he decided to play a prank on Batman
in return, so he grabbed some fake kryptonite and caused a mini-earthquake to trap he and Batman in
this room. Once everything has been revealed, Supes uses his super strength to free them from
the cave-in, puts his arm around Batman and says, “Thanks for giving me the wonderful gift of making
me think a stranger had violated my most sacred, private space and was trying to destroy me. It was
a few days of psychological torture that seriously disturbed me and would probably leave lasting
scars on someone with a healthy psyche, which fortunately is not me — you’re the best, pal!”
And Batman’s like, “You’re welcome, Superman! And thank you for triggering that cave-in and
making me think we were both going to die! We truly are the World’s Finest Heroes! Now,
let’s go to the Batcave, because I’ve baked you a giant cake!”
Wait, you baked me a giant cake, and you still did the whole “breaking into the Fortress” thing?
Yeah. Why?
Is it red velvet?
Of course it’s red velvet. I know that’s your favorite!
You could have just given me the cake, dude!
But I wanted to give you something more memorable!
I almost put down my entire zoo, man!