- What?
Who are you looking at?
- You don't kick the clown, little boy!
- [John] She takes me upstairs to her bedroom,
where we have relations.
- Whoop, whoop!
- I will come right into that camera.
(bouncy music)
- Hi, this is Nitisha.
- And I'm Billy, hey!
- Hey!
- I'm John.
- And I'm Alyssa, and today we're
playing a game of Never Have I Ever.
(excited voices overlap)
- Oh!
(laughs)
"Never have I ever got kicked out, removed from an event."
Ah.
- I have not.
- Not that I was performing at.
- Baby, I get invited back.
- I had a little boy, who was an extra
steal one of my props during an actual shoot.
And I went and got one of the crew members and
the little boy lied, and they believed him.
And they kicked me out and then
five minutes later came outside and apologized,
fired him because somebody thought,
"Maybe we should look at the tape, and see if the clown who
has been doing this for 45 years was
telling the truth or not."
(clown honk)
Screw you little boy.
(clown honk)
- Oh, somebody is like the origami king up in here.
- [Billy] Oh yes!
- "Never have I ever used a pickup line.
Tried to get a date in clown makeup."
- I have! Whoop, whoop!
- What?
- There was a portion of time, when I was on tour
and I was going around the country,
and I had like inappropriate apps on my phone,
which I'm not proud of.
But, I met somebody and we were at the show,
I still had my make up on and there was that moment,
where I was like,
"I have my clown make up on still."
- So, were you like,
"Hey, how about you help me take it off?"
- We kissed, we kissed.
- I was at a kid's party, and I kind of forgot
that I was like, a clown.
(laughs)
And, there was this guy at the party who was cute
and I was like flirting with him.
But then, I was like, "Is he a dad?"
Like he looked like...
I was like, "What am I doing, I can't, this is wrong.
He might have a wife." But, I gave him my Instagram.
So, and then he never followed me.
(laughs)
- "Never have I ever bombed at a children's party."
Who hasn't, am I right?
- I have.
(Both yell)
Longest 15 minutes of my life.
- Oh man, there's been more than one, let's be honest.
- The birthday boy came up to me and asked me
to make a balloon animal.
And I said, "You forgot to say the magic word."
And, he looked at me and said,
"My dad is paying you, do what I want."
And I then proceeded to do a magic show with my clown act
and did not get one single laugh.
Thank you, little spoiled Bel Air boy.
(clown honk)
You are now 20, and your parents paid
for you to go to college.
- Oh.
- To get you into college.
You heard me. You know who you are.
- Bel Air, get out.
- Don't look at me like that!
What? Who are you looking at?
(slams)
I will come right into that camera and I will-
(beep)
- "Never have I ever rode in a clown car."
- Yes, I have!
- I have.
- Circus boy!
- Yep, circus guy over here!
Eleven and a half people were inside my clown car.
- Is it like magic or are there little
compartments that magic it?
Or are you guys just like real close, and you cuddle?
- I'm not telling the secret!
- "Never have I ever faked a clown skill at a party."
- Oh, please.
- Yeah, I'm faking it now.
- I have not.
- I have not, that's why I don't lie because you're like,
"Hey girl, juggle." and I'd be like, "Pft, you juggle."
- They wanted like a really good balloon animal artist,
it was rough, and I mean the kids... like here's
the thing about it. The kids, everybody knew.
They could all tell, because they were asking
for really specific things, and I just kept
making a sword or a hat.
(laughs)
And you don't even-
- Or a dog.
- Or a dog, yeah. And they were like,
"Um, this is not-" Like the kids were
starting to get suspicious, you know.
And then... but I tried to make it like a part of who I am.
I was like, "Whoopsie, did I not make what you wanted?"
- Next question!
(balloon popping)
God, it gets me every time.
- "Never have I ever had to cut corners
on makeup because I was running late."
- Yes.
- Definitely have. Oh, it is never cute.
- That's every day of my life.
I'm always running late and I know it's bad.
And if my boss sometimes knew what I looked like,
she would probably fire me.
And now I'm revealing that on this.
(laughs)
- Fortunately, she doesn't know about the
internet and will never see it.
- That's right, yeah.
- Poor time management.
- Yep, just basically messing around or gabbing
the whole time when I'm supposed to be doing my makeup.
- Right?
- It happens, I am a social queen.
- I was hired as a balloon artist,
so I wasn't on camera, and then after we were done.
They came to me and said,
"We told you to bring your clown outfit, right?"
And I go, "Yeah."
They go, "Is there any chance you can be
a clown in 10 minutes?"
And here is how I did my make up.
Clown white, eye, eye.
Mouth. Red lipstick.
Cheek, cheek, I'm ready.
- "Never have I ever wore my costume when I wasn't working."
- I have!
- I have too!
- It's fun!
- You have to pay to me put this outfit on and this make up.
- Who doesn't like a little attention?
- But the sad thing is, walking around LA
looking like this, I'll be honest...
not a lot of heads turning.
Like that's the sad thing.
People are just like,
"Yeah, it's another Tuesday for Alyssa like this."
- I love eating cotton candy and popcorn, and
just sometimes I gotta make sure the costume still fits.
There's gotta be a line.
- "Help I'm a prisoner in a Chinese cookie-" no.
- "Never have I ever dropped something while juggling."
That's why I don't juggle.
- Same here.
- Yep.
- I have never been good at playing any sports,
can't catch a ball to save my life.
- It's too athletic.
- The only thing I can catch is a cold.
- Right.
- I'm juggling scarves on a TV show, and I drop
one scarf while I am juggling and doing tricks.
One scarf.
And the camera man, who doesn't speak English great says,
"He is dropping his rags."
Rags? Silk, gorgeous, expensive, rags?
Thank you mister Swedish man who ruined my day.
- I love how all of yours end with a,
"Thank you, thank you little boy."
Wow, this is dark.
"Never have I ever scared a kid on purpose."
I don't... like don't think I have.
- They deserve it.
- I have.
- Yes! You don't kick the clown, little boy.
You don't kick the clown.
- It was my nieces and nephews, I thought that
I would be very funny by being a little bit scary.
Typically, I try to be the opposite of
scary and be very approachable.
But, my nieces and nephews they deserved it.
- Does anyone remember the story of the little boy
who stole the clown's prop?
When I was later walking to the bathroom and
saw the boy crying, I may have looked at him and done this.
(intense thunder)
And I may have made him cry just a little bit more.
(clown honk)
Sorry, bad boy.
- I'm scared.
"Never have I ever been inappropriate in my clown makeup."
I have!
- Again, who hasn't? Right?
- Okay, I imagine you want a story, right?
- I like white wine.
- And I like balloon pumps.
(record screech)
- Quick show of hands, who went viral
for having sex with Julia Louis-Dreyfus worldwide?
Only me? What did you say? I don't have proof? Really?
Because, here I am being picked up at a clown disco by
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
She takes me upstairs to her bedroom,
where we have relations.
This would be the picture you see if you google
Julia Louis-Dreyfus clown sex. That's me.
And what do I do as any gentleman clown?
I leave her.
And on the last page of the magazine, we have a baby.
Now I know what you're saying, what happened afterwards?
Well, I'll tell you.
Two months later, completely by coincidence, my nephew
was playing basketball with Julia Louis-Dreyfus's son.
She introduces me to her husband, and I said to him,
"I hope you can forgive me, but I have been undressed
as a clown, making love to your wife.
And I've been photographed."
And he said, "who hasn't?"
- I have not. I have not.
- She couldn't have been lovelier.
"Never have I ever hung out in sewers? Just making sure."
If only I was a ninja-turtle, right?
- I have!
- What?
- I blame Stephen King for that question.
- I mean not as a clown, but as a kid.
It was like fun and super cool to go down into the sewers,
and like look for ninja-turtles and stuff.
So, I hung out in sewers.
Should be a little more specific with your questions.
- Michelangelo is my favorite.
- Alright, I bet this one starts with, "Never have I ever."
Oh my goodness! I'm right!
"Never have I ever been judged for being a clown."
- Mhm.
- Oh, do not get me started.
- Don't get me started.
- Try dating. And having to tell people
what you do for a living, and then get back to me, okay.
- Yeah, get back to us.
- Because, what I do in that situation
is I become a clown ghosted.
- That's right.
(Both Mhm)
- Everybody watching this video right now.
- Right.
You're judging, I know it.
- And the word clown, I feel like we need
to reclaim the word clown.
I feel like people think it's spooky, scary, which
it is in popular culture, but it's also this.
It's also lovable and joyful and good.
- Yeah. It is. Like I don't know how to explain it,
but it is just like... I think people are kind of
condescending to me a lot of the times
when I am in this look.
And at party's too, when like the adult's
who are also at the party.
They are like, "Oh you're a clown, huh? Okay." Like,
"It's nice to make a little balloon animal."
You know? This is... this a beautiful job
that is helping children smile and
it's making the world a better place.
- Oh my gosh, was that fun or what?
- That was! Did I have fun? I did.
- I also had a lot of fun, and I gotta say
these questions were kind of easy.
I thought you'd be pulling out the big guns and wanting
to know what color underwear I have on.
- And that's what we learned today on
"Have I" or "Have I Not?"
Played on buzzfeed.com
- Signing off!
- Ciao!
- Thanks so much!
- Bye.
- Buh bye.
(Joyous Music)