It's normal for teenagers who are hurt
to reach out and hurt other people
and combine that with social media, and it's just, you know, the perfect storm.
I have three kids.
Molly is 18, and she started experiencing
some form of subtle cyberbullying
during her senior year of high school.
It really was kind of the culmination
of the ending of her first teenage relationship.
Molly's ex-boyfriend's group of friends targeted her
after their breakup, text messages, DMs,
and live interactions where people were telling her they didn't like her.
She wasn't good enough.
"We don't want to be near you."
She started getting Snapchats of boys sending the middle finger.
She had posted a beautiful reel
that she made of her recovery from an ACL tear
when she didn't walk for two months.
And someone made a very rude comment within 30 seconds.
"Why don't you just get up and walk?
It's not that hard."
A couple weeks after her graduation, I had compiled a reel to post on Instagram
of Molly from kindergarten through her senior year.
And I will always ask my kids before I post, "Is it okay if I post this?"
And she said, "I just hope they don't see it, Mom."
And by they, she meant the kids who had been horrible to her all year long.
And in that moment, I definitely cried.
I did not post the video.
And that was when I realized she's scared.
She's worried.
And for the first time in her life, she cares what people think.
And then my next thought was probably guilt and what should I have done,
what could I have done.
I wonder if I should have let a school official,
a coach or another parent know.
I think it was a challenge to recognize the impact this was having on Molly
because I had kind of preconceived notions about
how a child would alert you to their struggles.
Molly reacted in the textbook perfect way.
She did everything you would want a team to do.
She talked about it with me.
She approached the kids who were doing this to her,
she blocked people, she put her phone away for hours at a time.
I was not intensely worried about this because she looked fine.
She was smiling.
She was going to school.
She looked together and happy.
I started to realize that that she shows her sadness in a different way.
I was definitely naive and ignorant when it came to cyberbullying.
I would hope that other parents can look at this experience and realize that
cyberbullying comes in all shapes and sizes and forms, and it can be small and subtle.
Teens can't escape cyberbullying because they are constantly on their phones,
and even if they don't want to be, the world is such that they need to be.
I mean, schools are asking kids to go on their phones
and their computers at night to access homework
and they're constantly attached.
And if they're not, there's this sense of being left out or missing out.
Molly's mental health is great.
I think she's in a great place emotionally.
And she's back to being that girl who doesn't care what people think.
The beauty is that we've talked about it so much,
there's healing in that.
I don't think that it's only terrible, awful, evil children who do this.
I think it's kids in a world where it's too easy.
And I think that awareness is step one.
Awareness that it's happening is an important step for all parents.