ladies did you know that after your appearance you are judged immediately by the way that you
speak people will assume all kinds of things about you from your social class
to your educational background or how well-mannered or even ill-managed you are
when you speak ladies i don't want you to make the mistake of looking and dressing well
but speaking in a crass manner on your journey to becoming an elegant woman it's imperative that you
refine the way that you speak so you portray an image of respectability and class ladies i want
you to watch this video to the very end because everything that i will be saying is so invaluable
and i want you to really get the most out of your level up journey it's not all about looks it's
not all about fashion there are certain things in your vocabulary in the way that you speak that you
probably need to improve so therefore please watch this till the end ladies welcome back to another
video for those of you who don't know my name is vivian i am the founder of woman of elegance which
is a platform where i teach women globally how to become the best versions of themselves today
i will be going through with you 14 crucial points that you must take on board if you want to refine
the way that you speak and mistakes that you must avoid that could ultimately cost you the image
that you've worked so hard to attain so without further ado let's get straight into the video
number one don't use fillers well um if you really like want to you know create a very like
very image you know a really good basically a good image ladies how bad did that sound
that sounded awful using these words such as ah um like what you're really doing is buying time
and you're not really structured in your approach within your conversation and this is something
that you need to avoid when you use these kind of fillers you run the risk of boring your listener
and this is not something that you want to do because people will just forget about you and
they just would not really want to speak to you start to train yourself to stop using these words
instead take a brief pause to gather your train of thoughts and then continue speaking you don't
have to speak so far speaking so fast doesn't particularly mean that you're eloquent when you
take your time to speak this will help to improve your train of thought and your words will come out
a lot more fluently number two speak in a measured tone speaking in a measured tone is really a skill
that takes time to master this involves not speaking too loudly or too softly or even in
a monotone way for example when you're on the bus or in some other public space and people
are inadvertently listening to your conversation you want to ensure that you're speaking in a very
lower tone just to stop people eavesdropping in your conversation because it's not very nice when
people are listening to everything that you're saying also vary the pace and your tone to create
meaning to what you're saying also varying the way that you speak in terms of pace will give emphasis
to what you're saying and keep listeners engaged and this is what you want essentially these are
skills that are very important in many social settings for example networking events or job
interviews so please take the time to really try and master this kind of skill number three don't
raise your voice ladies if you raise your voice if you shout then you will no longer have the word
elegant attached to it's as simple as that speaking too loudly is crass it's tacky it's not
ladylike at all so please avoid this so ladies you might reason to yourself well i'm with my friends
and when we're having a fantastic time we laugh loudly we joke we do silly things which is
understandable but ladies you cannot easily switch on off depending on the kind of social setting
that you're in you could easily slip up so it's important to train yourself well now so
you can adapt the best behaviors within every single social setting that you find yourself in
remember the saying old habits die hard this is absolutely true raising your voice really gives
listeners the impression that you're not very well trained you don't have good manners and you're
not classy and ladies this is not the impression that i want you to leave in your listeners mouth
at all you never want to give people that kind of impression number four don't speak too much
sometimes ladies it really baffles me when i see women talk and dominate a conversation literally
without even giving any thought to the listeners facial expression sometimes the listener could
look so bored or so aggravated and annoyed yet the speaker just keeps going on and on
please don't be that type of woman if you continue to speak even after your listener
is clearly disengaged in the conversation and starts doing things like even rolling their
eyes then there's something seriously wrong in these kind of situations discernment is very very
important good communication is about being able to discern when you're speaking too much look at
your listeners reaction and don't just continue to rant on for minutes on end if you do people will
stop communicating with you people will start avoiding you in addition to this speaking less
really adds to your mystique it keeps people intrigued by you and keeps people wanting more
be that kind of lady that's full of intrigue and mystery number five maintain eye contact but don't
stare bizarrely visual cues really communicate a lot so even when your mouth stops moving the
way you behave the way you look at the person in front of you communicates a lot when you maintain
natural eye contact this really puts the person that you're speaking to at ease and this signals
to other people around you that you are very much focused on the person in front of you it also
shows them that you're paying attention to them which is very important once you do this it tells
other people around you that you are engrossed in conversation and that way they are very unlikely
to interrupt you on the other hand ladies it's very bad manners to stare obsessively at the
person so momentarily break eye contact with the person without looking bored or without looking
down because that looks as if you're uninterested a technique that i use in order to break up eye
contact in a very natural way is to perhaps turn around to gently clear my throat because you don't
want to do that in front of the person that's bad manners or even when i'm laughing laugh away
that's a very good way of breaking the monotony of eye contact because you just don't want to be seen
to be staring that can really put your listener off ladies i have something very special for you i
have created the woman of elegance handbook ladies this handbook has more than 40 valuable points
that will aid you in a range of social settings it covers conversation etiquette dining etiquette
and basic or general etiquette ladies this is absolutely free to download go onto my website
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the points are all there simple to read simple to understand so download your free copy now
number six don't interrupt interrupting a conversation is absolutely bad manners and
if this is something that you're accustomed to please work hard to dispel this when you interrupt
it really conveys to the person that you don't really care about what he or she is saying if
you're really striving to become a better speaker then this is the first thing that i want you to
adapt let the person finish speaking before you interject ladies it will leave such a lasting
impression on the person you would be surprised there is nothing worse than being that woman who
is known for interrupting you'll find that you will be avoided and this is something
i don't want for you there's a quote by ernest hemingway that states when people are talking
listen completely most people never listen and that is very very true in our society
most people don't listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply
we don't want to be that kind of person be a listener of consideration and honesty
if the person that you're conversing with is ranting on excessively don't show the person
that you're bored or you're fed up with what they're saying if you absolutely have to leave
then jump in when there's a slight break in the conversation you can say something like john it
was an absolute pleasure speaking to you we must find some time again to continue this conversation
then you signal a gesture to leave never look irritated or annoyed number seven
avoid excessive use of hand gestures okay don't do this this is too much a little bit is okay but
when it becomes excessive it becomes intimidating it's much more polite to be minimalistic with your
hand gestures think less sell a lot of fruits at the marketplace and more auction perhaps if you
know what i mean ladies a good technique for this is to keep your hands to your sides or keep them
cupped together if you naturally gesticulate with your hands then perhaps maybe hold a handkerchief
or hold your handbag towards you this will make you more aware of your hand movements and you'll
be less inclined to use your hands if this is something that you tend to do excessively number
eight avoid the use of slang so ladies on your journey to becoming elegant you need to strive
to be sophisticated refining and polishing our expression really means detaching ourselves from
anything that is crass challenge yourself to sit a cut above the rest and avoid using slang words
slang words are not classy the use of slang words is not something that you do for example in front
of the queen or other members of the royal family or even at a job interview why would you do it in
other situations then the way in which to do this is to start placing yourselves in sophisticated
social settings because you will find that they do not use slang terms or if they do it's very
very minimal and then you will start to adapt the same kind of way of speaking number nine
never use profanities so ladies without filtering anything swearing brings things to the gutter
swearing is really the use of language which is used to shock which is used to offend people and
it gives people the impression that not all is well with you elegant and really decent women
do not swear so it's imperative that you eliminate this from your vocabulary immediately
not just swearing though ladies hand gestures kissing or hitting your teeth which is considered
vulgar in many cultures so this is something that you should also strive to eliminate too
if there is one thing on this list that i really want you to change it is this stop swearing it
does absolutely nothing good for your image i want you to be poised vehicles of refinement
so please cut out the profanities today number 10 don't be monotone so ladies what does this mean
well as touched upon earlier in this video it really means speaking with little or no expression
in your voice monotone signals boredom and really a disinterest in what even yourself is speaking
about and of course being bored of your partner and this is something that you should really avoid
so please avoid being monotone number eleven don't be stiff smile and be expressive here at woman of
elegance i really strive to empower women to be the best versions of themselves not be a version
of somebody else i want you to create a very demure and ladylike appearance but not so much
dams or in distress when you're speaking i want you to be firm and assertive when you speak
i don't want you to be flirtatious or excessively inviting when you speak that is not what i'm
trying to convey to you but when you have a natural rhythm in your poise and your speech
this does a lot of good don't be too over the top in showing your listener that you're present
but it's important to strike the balance with being engaged look at your general body language
where are your hands how are you standing how are you sitting what is your neck like what is
your general posture like what is your eye contact like pay attention to all these what is your face
communicating when your mouth is closed do you look bored and stiff or are you engaged in what
the person is saying one thing i love about face to face conversation is that it allows for more
expression than a text or email so ladies if you can engage yourself in more face-to-face
conversation because this is the best way to practice so to those of you who are introverted
you probably would need to start practicing this kind of skill in the mirror start by using your
eye contact in a measured way as we discussed earlier nodding gently and smiling to show how
engaged you are with your speaker number 12 show your listener that you are actively listening
and not passively doing so showing that you're actively listening involves more than not speaking
when the other person is speaking engagement and expression are important and generally
good etiquette is about showing how involved you are when the other person is speaking
give signals and cues to demonstrate how actively you're listening number 13 widen your vocabulary
ladies i want you to stop using basic words that you're accustomed to using i want you to
start using better and more poetic words in your sentences there are a few ways in which you can do
this you can read more you can widen your social circles and vary the things that you listen to and
watch on tv instead of watching reality tv all day you can perhaps start watching documentaries that
way you'll pick up on certain words that have been used and if you don't know what they mean
you can easily look them up elegant women are poetic and they leave lasting impressions
good impressions i'm not saying that we all have to speak the way charles dickens writes but a
little more expression in your vocabulary a little more varied vocabulary will put you at a cut above
the rest this will really elevate your speech and will impress people using a broadened vocabulary
involves using different more expressive more meaningful words when you do this your listener
would be very intrigued by the things that you're saying number 14 don't cackle with laughter
no dear no there's no need for that ladies please note this is not a personality assault if this is
your expressive way of laughing if you laugh like this if this is your personality but there is
excess and i want you to avoid excess it doesn't mean the louder you laugh the more funny you think
that the speaker is this is not necessarily the case you can chuckle elegantly and the speaker
will think that you think that they are funny you don't have to cackle so loudly with laughter
this is just a reminder not to spoil your ladylike mystique and elegance by cackling and shrilling
with laughter because this will detract from the image that you're trying to portray and it's just
not very classy in any case practice softening your laughter into a more refined chuckle this
is less brush and it's a lot more feminine when you laugh in a very measured and softer way
ladies i hope you've enjoyed this video i hope that you're going to take these points on board
please remember that the way we speak is so important possibly more important than our
appearance we never want to give the impression to our listeners that we are not classy and that we
are ill-mannered remember it takes a lifetime to build a very strong and good reputation
and just a few minutes to tear it all down ladies thank you very much for watching