♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
LIKE A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE, I'VE SPENT MUCH OF THE LAST YEAR
DOING MY JOB OVER ZOOM.
AND JUST LIKE YOU, THAT MEANS SCHEDULING WORK MEETINGS WITH
PEOPLE LIKE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND MEGAN THE STALLION.
BUT HERE'S THE THING: WHEN I INTERVIEW THESE EXCITING
CELEBRITIES OVER ZOOM, THERE'S A LOT OF TECHNICAL STUFF YOU HAVE
TO ACCOUNT FOR.
FOR INSTANCE, AFTER EVERY INTERVIEW, WE HAVE TO SLATE,
MEANING SAY OUR NAMES, COUNT TO THREE, AND THEN CLAP, IN ORDER
TO MAKE SURE THE ZOOM AUDIO SYNCS UP WITH THE VIDEO.
OBVIOUSLY, WE NEVER INTENDED THOSE SLATES TO AIR, BUT IT
TURNS OUT WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAY, RIGHT NOW.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: GORGE, BEFORE I LET YOU GO, WE HAVE TO DO A
SPECIAL SLATE.
STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
AND IF YOU WOULD DO THAT WITH YOUR OWN NAME, NOT MINE.
>> BRAD PITT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JANELLE MONAE, ONE, TWO, THROUGH.
>> BOB DeNIRO, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> BILLIE EILISH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TIFFANY HADDISH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ANDY SANDBERG ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ZAHN DAYA, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> CATE BLANCHETT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
THREE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO PUT THAT INTO A MONTAGE.
WE HAVE TO DO A SLATE.
YOU PROBABLY HAVE TO DO THE SAME THING.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS: STEPHEN
COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
NOW, YOU DO THAT BUT WITH YOUR NAME.
>> THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY WOULD HAVE
DONE STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> Stephen: EVERYBODY DOES.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT ONE -- >> Stephen: WITH YOUR OWN NAME
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO, THREE, BRYAN CRANSTON.
>> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY STEPHEN COLBERT.
MEGAN THE STALLION, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> DREW BARRYMORE, ONE, TWO THREE.
>> SALAMEH HAYEK, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: GOT IT WRONG.
BUT CHARMING NONETHELESS.
( WHISTLING ) >> JON BON JOVI, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> DOLLY PARTON, ONE, TWO, THREE?
IS THAT WHAT I'M DOING?
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT, ALL DONE.
>> BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MARIAH CAREY, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY, ONE, TWO, THREE
( WHISTLING ) >> KAMALA HARRIS, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> JOE BIDEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: PERFECT, YOU'RE A NATURAL KID
( LAUGHS ) >> JAKE GYLLENHAAL, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
>> STEVE?
>> Stephen: NO ONE CALLS YOU STEVE!
>> MERYL STREEP, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: THESE ZOOM DAYS BEING WHAT THEY ARE WE HAVE TO
MAKE SURE WE'RE TECHNICALLY BUTTONED DOWN.
LIKE DUCT TAPE AND CHICKEN WIRE MY BROTHER, ED, MY OLDER BROTHER
ED CALLS ME STEVE.
TOM BROKAW OCCASIONALLY CALLS ME STEVE, AND TOM HANKS CALLS ME
STEVE.
>> I MEAN-- >> HEY, STEVE, HOW ARE YOU.
TOM HANK, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JAKE TAPPER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TANDY NEWTON, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> YES!
YAY!
MWAH!
( WHISTLING ) >> KATE WINSLET, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
GOD I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO BURST INTO SONG NOW.
>> Stephen: SO WE HAVE TO SLATE DO YOU.
>> SARAH PAULSON, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> RICKY GERVAIS, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> CONE AN O'BRIEN, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> MINDY KALING, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> TREVOR NOAH, ONE, TWO, THREE ( WHISTLING )
>> ANDY COHEN, ONE, TWO, THREE!
>> ANDERSON COOPER-- I DON'T KNOW, DID I DO THAT RIGHT?
>> SEE, I'M CLAPPING.
>> Stephen: PERFECT!
PERFECT!
>> CHANCE THE RAPPER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> ALLISON JANNEY.
>> AARON SORKIN,.
>> MARTIN SCHIFF.
>> CHRISTIAN BAILS.
>> RYAN REYNOLDS, THREE, TWO, ONE.
WE DO IT EVERY DAY GLI MIGHT POP A BALLOON.
>> CHER, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> QUEEN LATIFAH, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> JULIE ANDREWS, ONE, TWO, THREE
( WHISTLING ) >> STEPHEN COLBERT, ONE, TWO,
THREE.
JON STEWART, ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THAT'S IT.
NOW, LET ME SEE TRACY.
>> SAY HELLO.
AND THE BOYS ARE HERE, TOO.
HELLO.
HI, EVIE.
LOOK HOW EVIE IS NOW-- EVIE IS THE PRODUCTION ASSISTANT.
SHE HAS TO DO ALL-- SHE'S, LIKE, PRODUCING THE SHOW DOWN THERE.
>> Stephen: YOU SLATED, DIDN'T YOU, JON?
THERE, DO IT AGAIN.
THIS IS UNSUSTAINABLE IS HOW I WOULD DESCRIBE THIS.
>> Stephen: THANKS TO GEORGE CLOONEY, JOHN OLIVER, AND
EVERYONE IN BETWEEN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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