Is Deserving Entitlment or Self Worth?
I thought it only fitting that today we would talk about deserving.
The biggest roadblock to you getting whatever it is that you want,
is the idea that you don't deserve it.
In fact, the idea that:
"I don't deserve something",
is a collective human disorder.
Believing that you do not deserve what you want,
regardless of what that is,
is self hate.
This pattern begins in childhood,
like most patterns do.
When we as children don't get what it is that we want,
we have one conclusion to come to:
"We didn't get it because we must not deserve it."
A baby doesn't come into this world
thinking that it doesn't deserve what it wants.
A baby, isn't born thinking:
I don't deserve my diaper to be changed,
I don't deserve to be nursed to sleep at night,
I don't deserve to be cuddled.
A baby comes in with the understanding that it deserves those things,
the same way that no adult would look at a baby and say:
"This baby doesn't deserve these things."
It's just a given.
A baby deserves love and deserves to be taken care of.
Now parents in this society
are not particularly good at culturing
Self-worth
and culturing independence in their children early on.
Instead of building a child's self-concept,
with things like,
culturing independence,
they tend to play into a child's dependence.
And then in a certain point,
draw an arbitrary line in the sand,
at which point
the needs and wants of the child which they're raising
becomes more of a burden, I guess you could say.
The parent feels as if
they're put upon by having to provide everything for this child.
And then it turns into
kind of a:
"Well, you don't deserve
everything you want and everything you get."
So children tend to be very very confused,
because they end up in the situation where,
to begin with all of their needs are provided for,
no questions asked, and then suddenly,
when they want something or when they need something,
the parents are drawing a line and saying:
"No, you don't deserve that thing."
Parents have a very hard time distinguishing
between deserving and entitlement.
They have the tendency to give the children the impression
that children do not deserve
what the parents used to provide for them so freely.
And the child comes to this only logical conclusion
that can be drawn, which is:
"I must have done something wrong to deserve this."
Or even worse:
"Something must be wrong with me."
Earlier in one of these episodes of ASK TEAL,
I have described to you that children are led to believe
that to be loved, they must be good.
What this means to a child,
when they are not feeling love from an adult
and when they're not getting what they want from an adult,
is that they must be bad.
And we make a special point in society,
of letting children know that children that are bad,
do not deserve good things.
This is a form of punishment which I like to call: "withholding".
We are socialized into the belief
that the only people who believe that they deserve things,
are entitled, and therefore bad people.
When we form the belief that to be loved we must be good,
and that only bad people think they deserve things,
we decide that it is important that no matter what we do,
we don't let ourselves think that we deserve things.
We think that surely if we operate
from the belief that we don't deserve things,
it will make us more lovable.
We mistake this choice for humility.
And we begin to punish ourselves,
like we've been taught, that good people do.
We punish ourselves with this form of abuse called:
Withholding.
I would like to distinguish for you,
the difference between deserving and entitlement.
This is going to help you,
when it comes to feeling as if you deserve what it is that you want.
Deserving is the deep internal knowing,
that one is worthy of what one wants and needs.
Therefore the belief that you do not deserve something,
is an issue of not feeling worthy.
In other words, it's a self worth issue.
The person who believes they deserve something, has self-worth.
Conversely a person who believes that they do not deserve something,
does not have self-worth.
Entitlement is the belief that one has the right to claim
what one deserves, from others.
Entitlement is not a belief which has anything to do with true deserving.
A person who feels as if they deserve something,
also has the self-worth,
to trust that they can get whatever they want
without having to take it from anyone or anything.
A person who feels entitled, has a deep insecurity
about their own ability to get whatever they want,
and this leads them to cover over their insecurity
with both pride and the arrogant thought
that they deserve to have it provided for them by others.
Entitlement is a form of vertical thinking.
Deserving is a form of horizontal thinking.
Entitlement is a form of deep deep suffering,
and deserving is a form of self love.
The mind likes to keep
all kinds of beliefs,
which when we really look at them, seem absolutely ridiculous.
So you can understand what I mean with regards to deserving
and these beliefs which seem ridiculous,
I want you to go on a guided visualization with me right now.
I want you to close your eyes and I want you to envision
a safe space in your own mind.
This place could be real or imagined.
it can be whatever you want it to be,
as long as it feels perfectly perfectly safe to you.
And somewhere in this safe space in your own mind,
I want you to picture yourself as a child.
Let your subconscious come up with this image of yourself as a child,
however it wants to.
Some of you might be very very young,
others of you might be teenagers...
Whatever age it is,
just let it come up,
and then look at yourself.
Watch yourself for a while,
and try to see what kind of impressions you get
from watching yourself as a child.
Is this child happy?
Are they sad?
Does the child feel like they are loved?
What is the child doing?
And then I want you to ask yourself a question.
A series of questions, really:
I want you to ask yourself,
whether or not that child you're looking at, deserves happiness.
I want you to think about whether or not,
that child deserves to be loved.
Does that child deserve to be unhappy?
Does the child deserve to be deprived?
Does that child deserve to be alone and unloved?
What you will find is you can never look
at your childhood self and say
that it deserves to be unhappy and unloved.
You can only ever look at your childhood self
and understand that this child, just like every other child,
deserves to be happy and to be loved.
They deserve to get what they want.
I want you to stay with this visualization for a bit longer.
What I want you to do now is:
Scan back over your life,
from the point where this child is,
that age and the age which you are now in your life.
I want you to scan back over this time period,
and I want you to try to find
the point at which that child died,
and the "adult you" took over.
I want you to try to find the point at which you no longer deserved,
like that child deserved.
Is there a point when that child died and suddenly, an adult took its place?
The answer to that question is always: No.
Now, I want you to go up to that child and I want you to introduce yourself.
I want you to explain to that child
that it doesn't have to be strong anymore.
That it can play and it can enjoy itself,
and it can have anything that it wants.
Because you are the adult now,
and you're ready to give it whatever it is that that child needs.
I want you to tell this childhood you,
that they deserve to be loved and deserve to be happy
and that they deserve to have anything they need and want.
Tell them that you love them so much.
Tell them what you love about them.
And then I want you to imagine giving this child a big hug.
Just hold your child for a while.
If your child begins to cry when you do this,
just let them cry.
Comfort them the way that you have always wanted to be comforted.
Stay with this visualization as long as you want to.
You can ask your childhood self
what he or she wants more than anything in the world right now.
Let them tell you the answer and then visualize giving it to them.
Imagine watching them enjoy
whatever it is that they have asked for.
Feel that feeling of relief.
When you and your childhood self are ready,
you can tell this child that you'll be there to comfort them
and talk to them whenever they want.
Imagine that this child has a warm bed,
and its favorite food to eat, and a companion to play with
in this safe space inside your mind.
Show the child where they are,
and tell them that you are going to do adult things for a little while.
When you feel as if your child is ready
for you to be able to leave,
hug them,
and then tell them that you love them and always have and always will.
Imagine tucking them into bed,
watching them eat something they love to eat
or running off to play with their friend.
And then slowly, I want you to direct your attention back into the room.
Wiggle your toes and fingers,
take a couple deep breaths
and then open your eyes.
What this should have taught you,
is that it's very very easy to look at a child
and understand that they deserve
whatever it is that they came here to this planet to get.
They deserve happiness and they deserve love.
The other thing this visualization should have taught you,
is that it's very easy to look at yourself,
and understand that you came into this world deserving happiness,
deserving love and deserving to realize
whatever it is you came here for.
But what's more important than that is,
that you realize that there is absolutely no point in time
in which this deserving which you came in with, disappeared.
You could not have done anything in your life
to ever justify not deserving.
This is an arbitrary line in the sand
wich you have drawn in your own life.
(The point at which you deserved,
and now when you don't deserve).
Your childhood self did not go anywhere.
In fact, every single time when you tell yourself:
"I don't deserve that",
when you think thoughts that are in line with: "I don't deserve that",
when you take actions that are in line with: "I don't deserve that",
it's the same as looking at the small child,
which still is within you, and saying:
"You don't deserve it."
That's why it hurts so bad.
The moral of this visualization is:
There was never, is not and will never be
a time when you deserve anything less
then your childhood self deserves.
You deserve the same amount of happiness,
an infinite amount of happiness.
You deserve the same amount of love,
an infinite amount of love.
You deserve all good,
as much as that child self deserves all good.
This universe we live in does not operate
in terms of deserving or not deserving.
The reasons that we don't get what it is that we want,
has nothing to do with the fact that we don't deserve it.
It has to do with the fact that we're not a vibrational match to it.
And what's dictating your vibrations are your thoughts.
So the moral of this story is:
The reason you're not getting things that you want in your life,
is because deep down you don't believe that you deserve them.
This universe will never look at you with the eyes of doubt.
It will never look at you with the eyes of judgment.
This universe understands that you can have whatever it is,
because you are a creator,
the minute you turn your attention to it,
instead of point your attention towards the lack of it.
For the universe to look at you in any other way,
would be to miss the truth of your own significance.
And like I've said before,
the universe will not join you in your aspect of disconnection.
It's not going to join you in a thought of: "I can't".
It's not going to join you in a thought of: "I don't deserve".
You will find out
that the chips are overwhelmingly stacked in your favor,
the minute you begin to accept
that you deserve to be the recipient
of whatever it is that you're asking for.
You will discover that the universe does not withhold anything from you.
You will discover that the universe
does not operate out of judgment about whether you deserve something,
or don't deserve something that you're asking for.
You'll discover these truths, the minute you change your thoughts.
Because you will be blown away,
at how fast this universe
knocks itself out,
to provide for you
the reflection of those new thoughts,
if you're focused on what it is that you want,
with an aspect of I deserve this thing that I want,
because I know I am worthy of it.
This universe will literally knock itself out,
to deliver you the manifestations of those thoughts.
Your deserving
was not,
it never was in question.
It is an absolute given of your existence.
There never was,
is never,
and will never be a time
that you did not deserve love.
There was never, is never
and will never be a time, that you do not deserve
whatever it is that you are wanting,
the second that you want it.
The reason we do not get things in our life,
has absolutely nothing to do
with whether we deserve it or not.
It has to do with whether we are a vibrational match
to what we are asking for.
In other words,
it has to do with whether we think
that we deserve what it is we're asking for or not.
And this is an absolute.
You deserve it.
You don't need to do anything to deserve it.
You don't need to change yourself in any way to deserve it.
It doesn't mean that if you've made a mistake in the past,
you don't deserve it.
That is a human concept.
The human concept of needing to do something, to deserve something.
The human concept that it can even be possible,
that you don't deserve something,
does not mirror
the way the universe sees this life.
You deserve it.
Whatever it is you're asking for.
Join me next week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com