For the last year we've been torturing- we mean, exploring the secrets of science using
your favorite, and our most expendable, writer in a quest to answer some of the most pressing
questions of our age.
Questions such as: what would happen if you didn't shower for a month?
What if you couldn't use your own bathroom for a week?
What is it like to be homeless for 72 hours?
Well, the entire time we've been listening to you, the fans, and now today we're presenting
a very special Challenge episode, as we've convinced your favorite guinea pig's girlfriend
to join in on the fun!
Stay tuned as we present our newest Challenge: chained to my boyfriend for 72 hours!
Day 1: Hello, I am “the girlfriend”.
For almost a year now I've been forced to stand by and often be the innocent bystander
in one silly, unhygienic, or outright dangerous challenge after another.
Then out of the blue, he tells me that The Infographics Show would like to know if I
would be interested in taking on a challenge myself.
Well, here I am, and if you told me a year ago I would be doing this I would've called
you an idiot- right after calling him an idiot first for doing this idiot job in the first
place.
I have had to sit by and watch him try to eat the world's hottest pepper, which was
really something considering his opinion of spicy is to add extra salt to a dish.
I painted his face up as he had to wear makeup for several days straight, and ok that one
was kind of funny.
But I also had to sit home alone scared out of my mind as he went homeless for three days
straight in downtown Los Angeles while he refused to use his cell phone to let me know
he was ok.
I told him a long time ago that he is an idiot with an idiot job, but you know what, I saw
that he genuinely kind of liked these challenges.
He's always liked to push himself, it is one of the things I love about him, and while
I often wish that he would take one of the many comfortable, easy writing jobs that have
come across his path, even when he's miserable because he can't use the bathroom at home
for a week straight, it kind of makes him happy to do these silly, idiotic things.
And when you really, genuinely love someone, their idiot things kind of become your idiot
things, and for better or worse I love my idiot more than anything in the world and
so, here I am.
I am always really supportive of his career, and I try my best to drag him- typically under
threats of violence- to networking events he hates so he can expand his horizons and
rub shoulders with influential people who can see how talented he is.
But while I love to watch some of the other videos he writes for The Infographics Show-
that's right, he does regular vids, try and guess which ones are his- because they're
typically funny and sarcastic, I never paid any attention to these Challenges he undertakes.
Probably because most of the time I'm the unwitting victim who has to spend her day
to day life with him doing something dumb like not telling a lie for a week and getting
into ideological debates with girl scouts over exploitation outside of grocery stores.
Yeah, thanks to that episode there are still people we can no longer socialize with and
stores I haven't visited in months.
But then he showed me that people were really getting into these episodes and the crazy
things he did and well, he got sent to Hawaii for a week all because you guys kept asking
for it.
Then not long after that the show asked me to get into it, and...
I guess I thought to myself that if I really love my boyfriend then I kind of owed him
this one, experiencing what it is like to be him.
So now I'm chained up to my idiot boyfriend for three days.
As I am writing this he is sitting next to me with the same big, stupid grin on his face
he always gets when he is about to do one of the more reckless and/or dumb challenges.
The premise is simple enough I guess.
We are handcuffed together at the wrist with a three-foot piece of chain, because trying
to do this with regular handcuffs would have been impossible.
The chain should make things a little easier I guess, and my real concern was private bathroom
time.
The chain is just long enough that he can sit outside the door with it closed, because
while we may have been living together for a long time there are some secrets best kept,
well, secret.
I'll follow his format and update at the end of each day, so I suppose that this is me
signing off until tonight.
End of Day 1: We have lived together for half a decade now, so we are well past the fairy
tale stage and have gotten into the nitty gritty of living with another person.
That means farts are a normal part of life for us, but I had no idea just how many farts
he has throughout the day!
I thought at best he had maybe four or five, two I'm around for and two or three more he
let off when I am not around.
I was very wrong.
I lost track at around ten, and can someone in the audience please explain to me why men
find every single fart as funny as the one before it?!
Ok, before he marinated me in a cloud of farts, we started out our day as usual.
Luckily my show is on hiatus for a week so I don't have to work, but I still have to
stay in shape so that means a six am run.
Most of the time he joins me anyways, even if half of my morning workout is physically
dragging him out of bed to do it, but now chained up to me he has no choice.
I know he hates running, but it is really good for him, and despite how big an idiot
he can be I want him to live as long as possible so I make him do it.
He is a lot slower than me though so trying to keep pace with the chain was very annoying
and difficult, let alone doing stretches or any sort of exercise after.
I felt really embarrassed in public attached to him with a chain even though there were
only a few people around this early in the morning, and I guess I sort of understand
a little bit of what he does and how difficult it can be.
We did not have much planned for today, and honestly I really felt embarrassed about the
chain so we did not do much today.
Mostly just hung around the house and watched terrible 80s and 90s movies together, anything
with Van Damne and Steven Seagal in it.
He always loved watching these movies and I have to admit, it really grew on me too
and now I'm a huge fan of anything super cheesy.
Honestly, I knew the first time we spent an entire day home alone doing nothing but watching
terrible movies together that he was it, the one, and I have been right ever since- for
any ladies watching at home, you know you found the one when you can spend all day doing
your version of nothing together and loving it.
Today was the first bathroom test though, and while he was totally fine with it- which
should surprise nobody- I was kind of really embarrassed even with him on the other side
of the mostly closed door.
He told me not to worry and so he put on ear buds and blasted some Spice Girls and started
singing it at the top of his lungs to convince me couldn't hear anything.
I told you he is an idiot... but I have to admit, it was really sweet in his own, dumb
way.
That is all for today, I will talk to you guys tomorrow!
End of Day 2:
We needed to go grocery shopping today, so staying inside was not an option.
I suggested we just order food in, but he told me that the spirit of the challenge was
to let people see what it would be like to live a normal life, and not going to the grocery
store would be cheating.
Do you people see what I mean yet about him?
He takes on these dumb challenges with so much conviction.
We got a lot of looks at the grocery store, and yeah, it was definitely embarrassing.
I wish the weather was cold, because then we could have worn long jackets and hidden
most of the chain.
It is currently in the high nineties here in Los Angeles though so no such luck.
Other than the looks and stares, for one second my often absent-minded boyfriend completely
forgot we were chained together and realized he was missing his favorite cereal, so he
took off into another aisle.
Luckily I was hanging on to the loaded shopping cart, but that means that he got jerked backwards
and almost busted his head on the floor.
If people were staring before, now they were outright gawking, and I am about ready to
add this store to the growing list of places I can no longer shop.
When we got to the checkout counter my worst fear came true though, one of our mutual acquaintances
was there along with his girlfriend.
Immediately they asked about the chain, and the last thing I wanted to do was tell them
that I was part of some internet challenge.
Then suddenly though my boyfriend pipes up and starts making up a nonsense story about
this being part of some trendy new relationship aid.
Honestly, I have always admired his creativity and I know he is really talented, but he wove
an incredible masterful tale of BS that those two swallowed hook, line and sinker.
I know he very openly hates the hipster, art-snobby culture of Los Angeles- his words, not mine-
and he would never be caught dead in one of the millions of trendy coffee houses in this
city, but he is a master at pulling these people's strings.
He had them completely buying a story about this chained together thing being some new
form of relationship enhancing exercise, and I have to admit it was the perfect sell for
the more hipsterish, new-agey population of LA.
At the end of the conversation he had convinced them to buy their own chain and try it out
for themselves, so if being chained together suddenly becomes a national relationship therapy
tool, you know where it started.
Even the cashier and the other people in line were buying it, and I know he did all that
because even though I am adjusting, it is still kind of embarrassing for me to be doing
this in public.
Some girls get a knight in shining armor, I get a master BS artist convincing people
to chain themselves together so I don't feel silly in public.
I have to admit, I prefer the latter.
Back at home we had more bathroom issues, which meant he stood in the hallway, this
time singing Backstreet Boys songs while I did my business privately.
He forgot we were chained together- again- in the kitchen though when he got excited
and remembered he had bought his favorite cereal and wanted to fix himself a bowl.
I am starting to see a pattern here, and somebody should test Smacks to see if they include
cocaine in the ingredients.
End of Day 3:
Today was the final day of this experiment, and I am actually a little conflicted about
it ending.
I am really happy to no longer be chained together, but even though it was really, extremely,
incredibly inconvenient and sometimes outright uncomfortable, it was also a little bit sweet
being forced to be so close to him this whole time.
We woke up feeling pretty awful, yes we left the chain on even at night and that means
every time one of us tossed and turned the other got jerked around.
He has issues from when he was injured in the service though so I know he really tried
to be as still as possible, but after two nights like this I knew he was really sore
and messed up.
I suggested we get massages, and I kind of surprised myself- I think after yesterday's
grocery store incident I am not as embarrassed about being in public like this anymore.
I thought the massage parlor would think we were complete freaks and kick us out, but
we went to a vietnamese place and turns out they really did not care at all.
After the massage he reminded me that today was date night, but he offered for us to stay
in if I wanted to.
I reminded him that the rules of the challenge were that we had to still live out or normal
lives to get the full experience, and I can tell it really made him kind of happy that
I was getting into it as well.
We went out to a restaurant and even though the place was crowded, you know I kind of
really started not caring anymore.
In fact, it was kind of fun to be doing this together, even if we were getting all sorts
of stares and had to sit on same side of the table.
We went to the movie theater after and everything was great- until I suddenly told him that
I had to pee really, really bad right before the movie started.
His eyes went wide with horror and I saw him slowly mouth out the word “no!”, and I
really hate that I was a total girl about it, but yes, I really had to pee really bad.
Impossible to hold in.
We went to the bathroom hoping that because the movie was about to start it would be relatively
empty, but it just so happens that another movie had just let out and this happens to
be one of the biggest theaters in the city, so there were people going in and out constantly.
I had hoped we could sneak in real quick and shove him into a stall with me, but there
was no way that was happening.
I told him that we could just hurry home and I would just hold it.
Then he did something I can only describe as typical him.
He said, “NO, you've been wanting to watch this movie so you're going to see it!”,
then he took his shirt off, tied it around his head so it blocked his eyes, and dragged
me into the women's bathroom.
Then he stood there at the entrance and loudly said, “Ladies I am so sorry but I am handcuffed
to my girlfriend and we don't have the key and she really has to pee, I promise you I
can't see anything.”
The entire bathroom went dead silent, then several girls started to laugh, some even
applauded.
Then... well...
I did my business with him shoved up against the door to a dirty stall as he loudly hummed
a Spice Girls tune to himself.
My boyfriend is an idiot, but sharing this experience with him has made me realize how
much I love him for it.
Like I said in yesterday's entry, some people get a knight in shining armor, but I got a
guy that convinces people to handcuff themselves together so I'm not embarrassed in public,
and who marches into a women's bathroom with his shirt tied around his head as a blindfold
so that I can pee and enjoy a movie.
All things considered, I will gladly put up with more of these ridiculous challenges and
choose my idiot over any knight in shining armor.
Just do not expect me to do many more of these challenges.
I think one weekend chained together was enough for me.
Got any ideas for challenges?
Especially ones that don’t involve me?
Let us know in the comments or email us!
And as always if you enjoyed this video check out one of the other crazy challenges and
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