TODD KAREHANA: I grew up in Kawerau,
so it's a small sawmill town in the Bay of Plenty,
which is near Rotorua.
I think there's only like 8000 people there, or maybe a bit less.
Home life, and family, were just like, the best upbringing ever.
I have nine other brothers and sisters.
So I'm one of eight and then I have little brother and sister.
So that makes 10 of us altogether.
I had quite long hair throughout my kindergarten days,
and then also through primary school, I had like a long Cleopatra-style hairdo
with like a fringe and everything.
I'm pretty sure I got a haircut around eight.
And children still kept asking me if I was a boy or a girl.
I think it got to... like towards the end of primary that I started to
wonder why they kept asking me.
Like, I looked like a boy, well, to me I did.
So then I just used to do things, like, to try to look more masculine.
So then I thought, okay, if I don't have these long eyelashes
maybe then I'll look more like a boy.
So then I pulled out my eyelashes, before I'd go to school sometimes.
And then I used to think, "Well, boys always get scars,"
or like, they always look roughed-up.
So then I got those serrated knives and I just used to scratch my face up a little bit
so that it looked a little bit more rough.
I don't think people noticed at all, cause they're such minute things,
but to me, I thought I was making a difference.
Entering into college, I remember lots of the girls thought I was really,
like, cute and stuff, and I ended up dating...
well, I thought she was the prettiest girl from the other school.
And I think all the other boys thought she was, too.
But then the guys would still call me a faggot.
And I think I got to about fifth form,
and then the bullying, I don't know, just got to me so much
that I thought, okay, maybe I can change something else,
so that they'll stop bullying me.
So I was like, okay, what if I'm bigger and tougher and stronger than them?
Then they'll leave me alone.
So at that time, I was about 55 kgs.
So I started eating like three times as much as I'd used to.
I'd force myself to eat six Weetbix with butter and sugar and everything,
every morning and after school and stuff.
And I think in the span of like six months, or even less than six months
I got all the way up to 110 kgs.
Which was like double my body weight.
My whole demeanour and attitude changed.
Like, whenever girls would talk to me I'd grunt, and I'd be like, "Fuck off!"
In like, a manly voice
INTERVIEWER: The teasing that you wanted to stop, did it actually... Did that work?
TODD KAREHANA: It didn't stop, because not only was I big and fat now,
but I was still, like, that same "faggot" that they'd known from before.
I don't know, I had lots of good friendships with girls, but
when I turned into this big "fat faggot" I just lost all... most of my friendships.
INTERVIEWER: What would have been the lowest point for you?
TODD KAREHANA: Probably having no friends.
Even though after all that trying, I was trying to get friends.
After two years of living in Australia,
I moved back to New Zealand, because I wanted to start studying.
I went to the gay nightclub, one night.
I went with a friend, and then I saw Rex in the crowd.
And he kept looking at me.
INTERVIEWER: Did your family meet Rex while you were going out?
TODD KAREHANA: Um, yep. We lived with my sister for a bit,
Christmases he'd spend with my family and I'd spend it with his family.
He'd always be coming to Mum's house and staying with me.
He was exactly what a normal couple would be, like, in a family.
He's my flatmate now, but we were together for two and a half years
and it ended in January this year.
INTERVIEWER: Are you pleased that you're still friends?
TODD KAREHANA: I am.
Cause he was such a big part of my life.
And everyone I talk to, they're kind of applaud us
because they wish that they could have a good friendship with some of their exes.
I don't know where it came from, but I always thought of Māori as
being like, bums that beat their children.
I wasn't ashamed of being Māori myself,
but I had all these pre-conceived ideas of what Māori were like.
Which is so wrong, now that I think back.
But like now, I joined the Māori Association at uni
and I'm getting a whole new pride.
I'm gay, and I'm Māori. And you can have it all together at once.