♪♪♪ >>> KEEP IT TOGETHER, ICHABOD
CRANE. NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF IN THESE
SPOOKY, SCARY WOODS. WHAT -- WHAT IS THAT?
IT WAS ONLY AN OWL. CALM YOUR NERVES, ICHABOD.
>> ICHABOD CRANE! >> WHO'S THERE?
SHOW YOURSELF! >> ICHABOD CRANE!
HOW DARE YOU TRESPASS IN THESE WOODS ON ALL HALLOWS EVE?
>> MY GOD, IT'S THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN.
THE ONE I'VE HEARD TELL OF IN GHASTLY STORIES.
>> THE VERY SAME. >> AND IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.
YOU'RE CURSED TO CARRY AROUND YOUR OWN SEVERED HEAD.
>> FOR ETERNITY. >> SO SINCE YOU'RE HOLDING A
DETACHED BUT ANIMATED HEAD -- DO YOU EVER USE IT, LIKE, TO -- YOU
KNOW -- [ LAUGHTER ]
>> TO WHAT? >> DO -- DO YOU USE IT LIKE, YOU
KNOW -- ON YOURSELF? >> WHAT?
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> OKAY, LOOK. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO IT TO
MYSELF -- [ LAUGHTER ]
WITH MY REGULAR ATTACHED HEAD. I TRIED YOGA AND STRETCHING.
I EVEN HAD THE TOWN DOCTOR REMOVE TWO OF MY RIBS.
>> OH, THAT'S DISGUSTING. >> OH, SAYS THE MAN HOLDING A
SEVERED HEAD. DON'T TELL ME IT NEVER CROSSED
YOUR MIND. LOOK HOW YOU'RE HOLDING THE
HEAD, THE MOUTH IS ALREADY LIKE RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> HONESTLY, I NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT IT. >> WELL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY
FIRST THOUGHT. RIGHT AFTER, OH GOD, THEY
CHOPPED OFF MY HEAD. I WOULD HAVE PIVOTED TO,
HUH, POSSIBLE SILVER LINING HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE THEY ALWAYS SAY, WHEN
LIFE HANDS YOU A SEVERED HEAD, YOU PUT THE MOUTH ON YOUR
DING -- >> ENOUGH!
YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO THINK SUCH FOUL THOUGHTS AFTER I
SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL! >> ICHABOD, I CAME AS SOON AS I
COULD. >> HOW BRAVE, YOU CAME TO RESCUE
ME, WILLIAM? >> NO, I WANTED TO ASK THE
HORSEMAN SOME QUESTIONS. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU EVER JUST ROLL IT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> EXCUSE ME?
>> THE HEAD. YOU EVER ROLL IT UNDER THE
STALLS IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM AND BE LIKE, MENTAL PICTURE!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I DON'T EVEN GO INDOORS. >> OKAY.
THEN YOU EVER USE THE HEAD TO -- YOU KNOW.
ON YOURSELF? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE ALREADY ASKED THAT. >> ASKED THAT, YEAH.
>> GREAT MINDS. >> YEAH.
FOLLOW-UP TO MY THING. DO YOU, LIKE MOST MEN IN OUR
ERA, HAVE FALSE, REMOVABLE TEETH?
BECAUSE THAT COULD BE REALLY GOOD IF YOU GOT --
>> I HAVE REAL TEETH. >> OH, BUMMER.
BUT COULD YOU -- COULD YOU TILT THE HEAD SO YOU COULD MAKE EYE
CONTACT, LIKE IF SOMEONE WANTED THAT, I MEAN?
>> NO! I MEAN -- YES.
BUT WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT THAT? >> PERSONAL CONNECTION?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> POWER, FOR ME.
>> HEY, WHEN YOU -- WHEN YOUR THROAT GOT CUT, DID IT HAPPEN TO
SEVER THE GAG REFLEX? >> OKAY, NOW I'M SENDING YOU
BOTH TO HELL. >> WHY SEND US TO HELL WHEN YOU
COULD SEND YOURSELF TO HEAVEN? >> ICHABOD, WILLIAM!
DID YOU ASK THE HORSEMAN ABOUT --
>> YES, YES, WE'RE WAY INTO IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THEN I HAVE A QUESTION THAT'S GOING TO SEEM WEIRD ON SEVERAL
LEVELS.
BUT IS THE HEAD DISHWASHER SAFE? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> I'M JUST CURIOUS ABOUT
CLEANUP. >> NO, NO, I GET THAT.
SO -- ALL RIGHT, IT'S AN OPEN NECK, RIGHT?
SO HE COULD PROBABLY JUST DRINK A GLASS OF WATER AFTER YOU DO
IT, YOU KNOW, AND IT ALL FALLS OUT.
>> YEAH, YOU COULD PROBABLY GO IN THROUGH THE NECK, TOO.
THAT'S A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE. >> ALL YOUR MINDS ARE FILTHY!
WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN? >> IT'S FULL OF PURITANS, THE
MOST SEXUALLY REPRESSED PEOPLE IN HISTORY.
>> SORRY I'M OBSESSED WITH SEX. MY WIFE, GOODY CHASTITY, ISN'T
EXACTLY FULFILLING MY NEEDS. >> ALL RIGHT, I'M THROUGH WITH
THIS CONVERSATION. ICHABOD CRANE!
YOU SHALL SUFFER MY WRATH! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO! >> GET IT!
>> HEY, ALL RIGHT! LET'S JUST SAY THINGS ARE COMING
TO -- A HEAD.
HAPPY ALL HALLOWS EVE FROM EVERYONE AT NBC.
MAINLY LORNE, WHO WROTE THIS SKETCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]