I think we're through with the first step of forgiveness. So we can move on to the second,
which basically is implicit in the first because once we recall the projection and we say the
guilt is not in this person that I have been attacking and judging against but rather the
guilt is in me, I can now look at that guilt with the same dispassionate gaze that I use
when I looked at the guilt in another person. And I could understand that just as my attacking
you represented a decision, the guilt in my mind is also reflective of a decision, the
decision to listen to the ego instead of the Holy Spirit. In other words, just like my
anger at you was all made up, so the guilt in my mind, which is the source of my anger
at you, is also all made up. Now this second step can be very difficult. What happens in
this second step...he doesn't speak about it in terms of steps but he goes through what
the process is...that when you suddenly realize that the gun that is pointed at your head
is not being held by your brother but is being held by yourself, he says "this moment can
be terrible." I think that's a mild understatement and that's what, in a sense, impels us to
then say, you know, I'd rather just die; or, you know, life is really boring. This forgiveness
stuff really is not as much fun as all that specialness stuff that I indulged in all my
life, all of which are really defenses against looking at the second step. Remember that
this second step, which is acknowledging the guilt in ourselves, is the correction for the
ego's second step, which is saying that guilt is real. And it was that acknowledgement
that my guilt is real that literally, literally was the cause of the miscreation of the physical
universe. So you're really talking about a rather powerful thought, at least within the
dream, because I have sinned against God and behind that guilt, of course, is this thought
of this wrathful Presence of God Who will destroy me. It was that thought that impelled
me as part of the one Son, the one separated Son, to project that thought out and literally
make up a physical universe and sustain it. So my very existence as a self that I define
myself to be is contingent upon my never looking at that guilt. In a way one could say that
the thought that preceded the projection of the guilt that made up this world, the thought
that preceded it, was the ego saying to us don't ever look at this because if you look
at this guilt, you will be destroyed. That's what is in back of the statement that Jesus
makes in the section called "The Fear to Look Within." And he says "the ego counsels thus."
Do not look within because "if you do your eyes will light on sin, and God will strike
you blind," which is a euphemistic way of saying God will obliterate you.
That's what we hear. Do not look within at your guilt because if you do, your eyes will
light on it, on sin, "and God will strike you blind." So from that point on, we stop
seeing, and the ego made the body's eyes so that we wouldn't see. As the Course says,
eyes don't see, ears don't hear, they translate. They translate the wishes of the mind. So
my mind wants me to see a world outside, a world of separation outside. It especially
wants me to see a world of guilt outside so it makes up a world and makes up eyes to see
it, but there is nothing there. But since our eyes see it and our brain interprets it,
and we have all this agreement with other people that what we are seeing is correct,
then we're sure that it is correct. But all this was done so that we would not see. When
the Course talks about vision which is a major theme in the Course, the vision of Christ
or the perception of the Holy Spirit, or true vision or true perception, Jesus is talking
about not looking through the body's eyes but through the mind's eyes, which is a thought.
So this entire world arose as the consequence of the ego saying to us do not look within,
and our whole existence as this physical, psychological creature we call ourselves is
predicated upon our not looking within. That's why this course is so difficult. That's why
any true spirituality is so difficult and why it's so easy that a religion starts or
a spirituality starts, and it starts at a very high level because the founder or the
inspiration of the prophet is a very advanced person. And then just as quickly it turns
into ritual. Why? Because ritual you could see. But you don't see it with your mind's
eye, you see it with your body's eyes. When you look at the great mythologies of the world,
the hero has to go through a ring of fire or has to kill the dragon. All of these are
symbols of getting past the barriers the ego has put up that says don't go within, don't
find the treasure. Because the ego says if you find the treasure, it's not a treasure.
It will kill you. What the ego doesn't tell us, of course, is that it's the real treasure
because that's where the memory of God's Love is. But you have to go through what the ego
has told you is this whole slew of dragons, the circle of fire, all these tremendous tasks
that the hero has to perform. At times I think it's helpful if you are familiar with some
of the great mythologies of the world and the great stories because they reflect all
this. This is not an easy path. Now the Course would say it's not the only path, but it's
certainly a wonderful one and it's one of the very few that focuses on this aspect of
the journey. You don't need a Ph.D. in psychology to understand it, but you certainly need some
kind of understanding and appreciation of the process of coming to grips with your own
unconscious or your own psyche because that's where all the problems are. Not only is the
guilt unconscious, the Holy Spirit is unconscious because we are not aware of the mind. So this
second step is very difficult only because there is so much fear associated with it.
What makes us able to go through it, go through the "circle of fear," this terror, is understanding
that we've had enough experiences to know there is something else, really something
behind the guilt. You need to go very slowly and each step along the way, remember the
three steps I'm talking about is not the whole ladder, in a sense that those are the three
groups. There are all the little steps that constitute all of our experiences and our
lessons in our life. That these little steps have to be very "heavily reinforced" as one
passage in the Course says, so that I learn that I'm really better off listening to Jesus
rather than to my ego. I am really better off questioning my judgments instead of stubbornly
insisting, adamantly insisting that I'm right. And I have to have a whole series of experiences
behind me that will allow me to take this next step. Near the end of Chapter 18, Jesus
talks about how the Holy Spirit will lead us through the "circle of fear" and God is
on the other side, that you can't get from the darkness to the light without going through
the darkness, without going through this valley of desolation without looking at the belief
that tells us that we "are the home of evil, darkness and sin." And all that's necessary
for this to occur is that we have the "little willingness" to ask for help that we look
at the world differently and see the world then as the classroom or the out-picturing
of the inner world. And where the intellectual understanding of the Course's theory is so
important is I can understand the purpose. The text helps me understand why I do this,
otherwise it makes no sense. So I do it because that's what keeps the fear of God away which
keeps the ego's fear of my choosing God. I understand the purpose. I don't beat up on
myself anymore now when I don't do the workbook the way I think I should, or when I don't
forgive the way I think I should, because now I understand. I understand what resistance
is. I understand where it comes from. I understand the whole concept of purpose and I know that
there is a method in terms of all the insane things that I've done and still do. But if
I could look at that without judgment, I am doing exactly what the Course asks me to do.
The "little willingness" can be defined as my little willingness to look at my ego without
judgment. I don't defend it. I don't rationalize it. I don't spiritualize it. I don't deny
it. I look at it, but I look at it without judging myself. And if I can look at my ego
without judging it, I certainly will look at other people's egos without judging them,
and everybody around you will very glad and grateful. And they'll say, boy, what's happened
to you? And if you're wise, you will just smile sweetly. You will be like Cordelia.
You will love and be silent.