Hey guys,
I though I'll give you another
of my 50 1st dates project
summaries on one of the
real fake dates I went on
back many, many years ago.
I was offering fellows
real fake dates
in exchange for me
being able to get information.
And they would get honest feedback,
which how often do you really get honest feedback?
Not very often reason that you don't
is often because one,
women they don't want to hurt your feelings.
And two, sometimes men don't react very well
to you know critical feedback.
So, it's sometimes just easier to say
all right and you know I just
wasn’t there or wasn’t feeling it
and you know what, guys do this too.
So, let's not blame anybody,
everybody is doing the best they can
from where they're at.
Anyways, so when I
did this first 50 1st dates project
I didn’t manage to get through 50 dates.
But I did manage to get through enough dates
to find some patterns in the
things that men were doing
in their first dates that were really good
and maybe some other things that
could use a bit of a trick.
So, here's the feedback
from these gentlemen
who very graciously
participated in my study.
So, this date number two
let's see here.
My 40's,
kids, two kids, twin and teenage.
Work, executive management.
So, the first thing I noticed about,
about this fella
is that, and we're going to call him
Slouchy Stargazer,
there's a reason for that.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you in a minute.
But Slouchy Stargazer
and what I liked about him right away was that
he respected I really don't like texting,
instant messaging,
any kind of digital
form of communication
for me personally,
I don't like.
Now, that's not normal,
most women really, really
want to hear from you a lot.
So again, don't judge
or base what you're going to learn here today
off of what my preference is.
Okay, moving on anyways,
I did tell him up front
that I didn't like texting
and I preferred to meet in person.
And so he was
definitely respectful of that
and I noted that
which can be translated into,
he heard me, he respected my needs.
And they were obviously not in conflict
with his own needs.
Now, if you have a different...
Here is a side note, if you have a different value system
or different need system
for how much communication
you like to have
well, then you're going to need
to know that up front like,
and find that out.
So, if someone like me says
I really don't like texting
and you really do
well, then you know, there might need to be some compromise
or maybe you're just not a right match
and that's okay.
Like, the sooner you know the things that are
not compatible
the sooner you can move on to someone
who is compatible.
We went for dessert
and it was on a Saturday
at 3 p.m,
which is really great.
Because it
was a time when the restaurant wasn't busy.
So, we could hear each other very easily
and not be distracted.
So, that's a good thing to note.
He was on time
in fact, he was a little bit early.
So, that was good, that was respectful.
You don't have to be super early, but be on time.
I do not agree with
some of the coaches who say
arrive late to make her wait.
I just think that's disrespectful
and you wouldn't want to be treated that way either.
And he did sit with his back to the room.
So, I mentioned in my other video
on my first, first 50 1st dates,
that the guy had sat with his back
to the venue,
which is good in a way
because that gives me the view.
So, giving her the view
but also protecting yourself
from tasty distractions
like really hot waitresses or what have you.
Or if there's you know,
TV monitors or things like that.
But at the same time,
it's sometimes you actually want to
sit between her and potential dangers.
So, as a man,
you're probably going to feel vulnerable
having your back to whatever potential dangers
behind there or not knowing what might be coming.
Now, you're not consciously thinking of this,
but it is in your subconscious.
So, it's just something to be aware of
it's ideal if you can be in a situation where
you can actually protect her from danger,
but also not be distracted by distractions,
which you can't
because I think he felt like
this was more of a business transaction
because he knew what I did for a living.
Now, if you are a hugger,
even in today's day and age with what's happening,
you can ask her, you know,
normally I'm a hugger,
but you know, if you don't feel comfortable with that,
then we can hug later, or whatever.
Or you can not shake hands,
you know, like no touching if
you don't feel like she's going to be safe.
So, just ask like, it is a great time
in dating history
because you really have to ask
permission to have physical contact
and actually even be in someone's bubble.
Everybody's going to have
different ideas about what
makes them feel safe.
Some people are
completely not worried
about what's happening at all.
And other people are super paranoid
or they have
vulnerable family members
or close loved ones
or work that they have to be
very cautious of.
So, you just need to gauge where you're at
and where they're at.
And hopefully,
you are in alignment on that.
Not just now
like, not just at the beginning of the day,
but it's a good time to
test to see if your value systems
are in alignment with what you believe about,
you know, even what's happening in the world right now
and your choices.
Oh, yeah, so this was when I was buying my condor.
So, I said,
I put my phone on the table
and I said that I was sorry
that I was waiting up for
a call back from my banker
because I was
waiting to get approved for
a mortgage I think.
Anyways, so normally,
I would say always put your phone away,
don't just put it away,
but turn it off.
Like turn it off
unless you have an urgent
message you're waiting for.
And if you do,
then definitely
let your date know that
that's why you're going to be
checking your phone.
Women I think are far
worse at this.
Like, they check their phone far too frequently.
It's really rude ladies, if you're watching this
put your phone away,
you can be without your phone for
an hour or two.
Unless there's something urgent
that you need to be
you know, cognizant of.
Cognizant?
Aware of, ready for
unless you need your on
for an emergency.
Emergencies only though,
we shared stories and a cheese
no cheesy stories.
Ahh, okay, this is why he's Slouchy Stargazer.
So, he did
gaze off heavenward quite a bit.
So, he had a difficult time
making and holding eye contact.
Now, some of us
I'm like this,
tend to
when I'm telling a story or recalling something,
my eyeballs are all over the place.
And then when I'm listening,
I'm trying to actually,
you know, look at the person
and make eye contact
and he seemed to be the same way.
So, if you tend to be that way
you might want to try to reel it in a bit
so that you are actually
looking at the person
more so
because the more eye contact you have
the more engaged you're,
but you don't want to be staring them down
because then that feels a little
intimidating and intrusive.
So, the rule of thumb is always 80/20
so you want to be
making eye contact about 80% of the time
and then glancing about
or you know, looking into your memory banks
for about 20% of the time.
And then the slouchy part well, yes, he was slouching.
So, slouching is not a good thing because
it comes across as being either depressed,
or spending too much time on the computer
or lazy or uninterested.
So, there's a whole bunch of
assumptions that people
make about body language.
So, just make sure that you're sitting up straight.
And that shows confidence
that shows that you know,
good posture shows health,
shows interest,
and sets him with eye contact,
eye contact shows interest.
So, just kind of keep that in mind.
He asked me how I became a dating coach.
I explained that.
He talked about his divorce a little bit.
Oh, okay, here's what...
Or his upcoming divorce.
So, I found out that
he was actually only a few months out of marriage,
and "not quite divorced"
and in fact, later discovered that
he wasn't even legally separated at that time.
So, that's one of the things you're going to find on dating sites,
that people men and women
both go on there,
when they're newly single
and probably shouldn't be on there yet.
But they're wanting to see what's
available in the marketplace.
And sometimes,
you know they are ready
and they will find the right person
and they live happily ever after.
But a lot of times, when you're fresh out of a relationship,
whether it's the man or the woman,
there's going to be a lot of healing that needs to happen.
And the rebound person
is often not
the final selection,
and there's a good chance.
Again, we're going to go with the 80/20 rule,
there's like 80% chance
is not going to work out because
they're just not ready
where they want to be,
I call them fresh meat.
We both laughed and then later he actually
he texted me and he said,
he asked for feedback on how
he did on attractiveness,
first impression, and personality.
And I sent him a full report on that
written in everything,
all professional.
Takeaways,
don't be afraid to ask for her preference
with regard to communication.
Respecting a woman's communication needs
means knowing what they are.
Also, respect your own communication needs.
So, don't just give her what she wants
and at the sacrifice of yourself.
If that's not
going to be something that's okay with you,
then you actually do need to speak up and say
well, actually I do prefer
to get to know you a little bit more
by text before we meet or
you know, have a phone call or FaceTime or whatever.
And you know, if she's just not amenable to that
or you know, compromising at all.
Well, that says something about her.
and it ain't good for you.
Two, know that dating sites
are the first place single people
who are back in the market go
to get back into dating.
So, understanding this
means asking the right questions before you meet
unless you're up for fresh meat.
Three, be honest about your relationship status
is not necessarily going to be a turnoff for everyone,
there might be somebody else out there
who's fresh out of a relationship
and knows where they're at
and wouldn't mind being with someone else
fresh out of a relationship
because you understand where they're at.
Never try to deceive
for sure never try to deceive.
Four, forge your own path
without over sharing.
Ahh, yes.
Yeah, okay so especially when you've just
been through a breakup and now you're dating somebody new
or you're potentially going to date someone new
do not over share
on your past relationship
because that just says you're not over it yet
and you're not emotionally available.
And always offer to
walk or drive your date home,
even though, most of the time right now
she doesn't know you at all,
she is going to say no
because women safety
And if you want
to have the best chance
of dating or online dating
because I met this guys all online,
then you definitely want to check out
my double your online dating program.
It's only 10 dollars for a limited time,
I might change my mind on that.
And it also gives you
first date ideas.
It gives you communication ideas,
second date ideas,
and there's a couple other bonuses in there
that are worth the money,
never mind the actual program.
So, and actually...
No that's it, yeah, check out that program.
You'll like it, you'll like it.
It's worth it
even if you don't want to do online dating,
there's good ideas in there that are worth it.