Earning respect takes time.
This is something that you build over years of being honest, having integrity, and showing your character
But that said, there's a couple things that you can do that really do create respect immediately.
And that's why in this video, I want to give you seven things that you can do today
to create respect right now.
Now, don't think of these as replacements for actually developing stalwart character.
But think of these as guidelines to help get you there.
The first one is defending your time
because when people don't respect your time enough to give you a heads-up
when they're going to be late beforehand and this is a first interaction
it means that they likely don't think very much of you
and it's not gonna go well regardless so just get out of there.
And this is very important in dating; defend your time —
don't always be available, don't sit around waiting for someone to call...
Now in friendships and work or any area where you have an ongoing relationship, of course
you'll be late, people will be late and sometimes they might forget to text; it happens.
But if it becomes a habitual thing, the right thing to do — even if it's someone that
maybe, as a position, a little bit higher than you — is to firmly but kindly say,
"Hey, listen. I noticed that you oftentimes are running late and I totally get that life comes up.
But if it happens in the future, please let me know a little bit in advance so that we can postpone
or that we can cancel and that way I don't wind up sitting here wasting my time."
And when you do that, you're firmly saying to this person, "Look, I value my time.
I want you to as well," and that creates respect.
The second thing that we're talking about has to do with time as well, though seconds
instead of minutes in this case, and it's when you give a presentation —
when you're at work, you walk up, you're on a stage, whatever it is
and this is something that I wish I knew the first time I did this —
you get up there and you pause. You survey the audience.
Take a deep breath and then you begin.
Now, this is something that when you're jittery — and I certainly felt this so this is my big regret —
that you just want to get going and just get into that speech that you have to give.
But when you stand up there and you make people operate just for a few seconds
on your time while they pay rapt attention waiting for you to say something,
it creates an air of anticipation and it makes them respect the fact that you
are commanding the room.
So the third thing — also able to be used in presentations in group, interactions, or anything — is going to be
gesticulating away from your body and taking up space.
If you're on stage, that means you can walk back and forth.
You don't have to paste the whole time but you walk to one end, you stay there
for a little bit, you communicate and you walk to another you do the same thing.
When you're in interaction, allow your gesticulations to open up.
There is a way to exist that basically says with your body language that,
"I'm not sure I have the right to be here. And I want to be as small as I can
so that you don't notice me and that I'm not invading on your precious space."
This isn't even anybody's space right here.
There's another way to exist that says, "I have a right to be seen.
I have a right to be heard. When I'm on this stage, I command it."
You don't need to invade other people's space but take up the space around you;
that is an instantaneous way to create this feeling of I-should-be-listening-to-this-person.
So the fourth thing is going to be finishing your sentences strongly.
Now, one way to mess this up is while you're speaking to someone to feel like,
"Oh, shoot. I don't think what I'm saying is really good so I'm just gonna let it trail and do nothing."
Don't do that.
The other way that is much more common is in a group interaction.
And in a group interaction, understandably, people are really excited.
They start interjecting, interrupting, cracking jokes, and that's totally cool.
But the wrong thing to do there is, when you are interrupted, to stop speaking immediately to just let that person run over you.
And you can see it in the video, we demonstrate this, that it's a difference between
Jaden Smith and Will Smith when they're both in the same interview, actually; it's really interesting to watch.
And what happens is that when other guests interrupt Jaden, he just immediately shuts off.
But when the same thing happens to Will, he allows it to happen and he allows the
conversation to evolve spontaneously but first, he finishes the sentence that he is saying.
And this is so important because with almost all things, respect... what is going on
is that he is signalling, "I value what I have to say and so should you
so I'm gonna get to the end of my sentence before you jump in and cut me off.
It's totally cool that you're doing that but I'm going to finish what I have to say."
And it's a subtle thing but it creates this air of, "Maybe I really should listen to what this person has to say,"
whereas allowing them to just interrupt you signals, "You know what? They don't even care what they think why should I?"
So the next thing is to be number five and this is displaying social courage —
basically doing something that other people want to do but are afraid to do.
And this is how our business got started; this is what we talk about in a lot of our videos
but concretely, it's what really made us break through after two years of kind of
trying to figure this business thing out — what happened is Ben and I were living
with a couple friends and we were kind of invited to this mastermind event.
It's "kind of' because we we weren't invited to the mastermind event.
[Sad music playing]
One of our roommates was invited to this business mastermind
and Ben was able to tag along; I didn't even go and in fact, Ben had to
pay his way whereas all of the other attendees were just invited to share their knowledge.
And the reason is that we didn't have a lot of knowledge — our business was fresh and we didn't know a ton.
So Ben went there, by far the smallest business amongst this group of people
that were internet entrepreneurs, and they were friendly and kind but
they weren't really interested in Ben and I wouldn't say that they respected him;
he was allowed to kind of sit in on conversations and listen
but nobody was going straight to him saying, "Hey, man. What do you think about this?"
That all changed in the evening and what happened was they went out to a bar and at
the bar, Ben did what we have been doing; he did the Charisma on Command thing —
he turned it on, he made friends with guys, he walked up to the most attractive
group of women, made friends with them, brought them over to the other guys,
introduced people and immediately — not just that night but the next day —
every guy in that event was so much more interested in Ben.
They started helping him directly with his business rather than him just having to listen
in on conversations and one of the big breakthroughs for us is one of the guys there
offered business coaching in exchange for been doing charisma coaching with him.
And that's what put us on the map; we learned a ton from him.
We started our course, Charisma University, which is the engine of our business today.
If you're interested in that, it is our online course, I'm gonna put a link in the description
where you can check out one of the videos that makes that course up
on the 4 emotions that create an amazing first impression anytime and anywhere
whether you're in the bar or the networking event or wherever you're at
so if that interests you, go ahead click the link below; you can check out that video
and see if the course is something that you might be interested in.
But moving along now, let's go to number six and number six is
sharing your values.
Now this is something that I really got a visceral realization.
This flips disrespect into respect
And I realized it because when I quit my job and when I stopped drinking,
I got a lot of criticism.
People thought that I was crazy or that I was lazy for leaving my job
and they thought that I was a buzzkill when I stopped drinking.
This went on for a little while and I just kind of dealt with it
and one day, I stumbled upon sort of explaining myself when people would bring stuff up.
So they say, "Oh, you're quitting your job. I'm sorry to hear that."
And I said, "You know? I'm actually kind of excited; in fact, I'm very excited because
I realized that I was going to spend probably the next 60 years of my life
doing work that paid well but I wasn't that passionate about. And I figured,
while I'm young, I might as well take a swing at the dream and try to do something
that I really, really care about so that's what I'm doing and I'm figuring it out."
And people go, "Oh, wow. That's awesome."
Or when it came to drinking, I'd say, "No thanks, I don't want to drink."
"Oh come on, it's my birthday, man. You have to," and I go, "No, thank you."
Really, what happened for me is that I realized I'd come to bar like this
or a party like this and I want to be fun and social but the first thing I would do
is go to the bar and drink and I realized that I was using alcohol
as a social crutch — to be more fun, more outgoing, and more confident.
So rather than drink and do that, I wanted to learn how to do it myself and that's why I really don't drink anymore.
And I swear, the words that people used after that would be, "Wow, man. I really respect that. That's awesome."
And not only would they not pester me to drink anymore, I felt like and I saw
that they genuinely respected that decision more.
So if you're not sharing your values especially in the areas where you are doing something different,
you're leaving a really golden opportunity to shine and to garner respect on the table.
share your values; talk about why you do the things you do.
Again, this is something that we discuss inside of Charisma University —
how to work this into conversation but it's a hugely, hugely helpful thing
for starting to get more respect in the moment.
Now, the 7th and the last thing is probably the most counterintuitive
and that is calling people out on their bad behavior.
And I learned this, I remember very vividly, in 12th grade.
And what had happened in 12th grade was there was a girl who was queen bee
and she was very pretty; she was socially of higher status than most people,
and in class that I wasn't in — I just remember the story — she started being rude to another girl.
And because of her status, even the teacher didn't really interrupt.
Everyone kind of got out of her way and the class fell silent
while she was just mean to this one girl.
And out of the silence, my buddy said, "Wait, you can't say that to her.
That's rude and she's my friend. Stop." And that was it.
He really didn't have a good argument and he didn't say much more than that
but now everyone was stunned; not just this side of the class but also this queen bee girl.
And I remember he walked around the rest of the day feeling really nervous,
"Oh my god, what's gonna happen?" but we later learned
is that from that moment on, she had a huge crush on him.
And it wasn't because she liked it in the moment; she was fuming in the moment.
But when he said that and he held her to a higher standard of stop-behaving-like-that-you-can't-treat-people-like-that,
he won her respect.
And that's the difference is sometimes what wins respect isn't always what people like in the moment
and that's why it can be hard but calling them out on genuinely bad behavior
and holding them to a higher standard, those are the moments when they go,
"You know what? This is someone who values me for my character
and therefore, I want to show them the quality of my character
and not just right off of my looks or my status or my wealth."
And that's why it's such a powerful mindset; call people out on their bad behavior.
So that is it for this video those are seven things that you can do
to generate respect immediately — not a substitute for character in the long run
but hopefully, a way to help you make smaller strides towards doing that —
being more honest and integrate this in your day-to-day life.
If you like this video, make sure to subscribe to the channel.
If you want that video that I mentioned, go ahead and click the link in the description,
drop your email and you'll see that preview of first impressions from Charisma University.
I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.