Footballers create covid vaccines, starring...
- The Frontmen - Season 2!
Frontmen, you have 48 hours to create and test a COVID vaccine on a footballer of your choice.
The vaccine with the highest success rate wins!
Game on!
MOHAMED SALAH
- Mohamed, aka the Egyptian Messi... - aka utter bollocks
Who did you test on?
- Sergio Ramos... - Jesus Christ! Get over it Mohamed…
- Get over what? - The 2018 Champions League Final.
This has absolutely NOTHING to do with that cheating hobo making me disabled...
in the 2018 Champions League Final and crushing my childhood dreams!
So Mo, has your vaccine cured Sergio’s COVID?
I have no idea. Unfortunately he suffered an adverse reaction to one of my ingredients and is now on life support.
- Holy sh*t. - To be fair, using rat poison wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.
- I command you to let him go! - Fine.
I meant let him out of the bed, not turn off his life support!
- Oh...oops - CUT!
- Mo Salah Success Rate, 0% - Mo Salah Mortality Rate, 100%
- HAROLD KANE - MBE
Harold, how did your trials go?
I’m afraid my test subject has had a severe reaction to my vaccine.
- Jesus Christiano! - What have you done?!
- I guess he won’t be Turbo Timo anymore. - I was kidnapped!
- He looks more like turtle Timo now! - Call the police!
Oh it’s such a shame, now he won’t be able to play against Spurs at the weekend...
- It worked perfectly boss! - Harry, do you have any vaccine left?
- Yes, why? - Yes?
Pamela, can you tell Dele I need to see him in my office, immediately please?
Maybe it will motivate Dele Alli to start putting some more effort in in training.
- Harry Kane Success Rate, 0% - Harold Kane mortality rate, 0%
JAMIE VARDY
Jamie, how did your COVID trials go?
I didn’t do any. Bollocks to this pandemic! I had a 48 hour party instead!
Jamie vardy’s having a party!
- That was totally irresponsible! - Has anyone’s vaccine actually worked?
- So far, no - Oh, that’s a shame. Turns out I’ve caught COVID-19.
- WHAT?! - Apparently I’m a super-spreader.
CUT!
- Jamie Vardy Success Rate, N/A% - Jamie Vardy infection rate, 100%
Stupid is a stupid dose...
NEYMAR JUNIOR
Next, it’s my good friend, Neymar Junior.
Neymar, who has clearly forgotten he was fired from the Frontmen last week, who did you experiment on?
- VAR! My BFF, Kylian Mbappe… - BFF?!
- Wow, testing it on your team’s best player was risky - The vaccine was 100% effective!
- Great. - And I also inadvertently created a truth serum, watch…
- Kylian, who is your all-time BFF? - You, Neymar.
- Aw, the feeling’s mutual Kylian. See? - Of course he’s going to say it’s you!
- Who’s better, me or Messi? - You, Cristiano.
- Well it must be a truth serum! - You’re my idol.
- Oh thanks. - I want to be you
- Naturally. - I want to be inside you.
- What the… - Okay, Kylian, that’s enough...
- Just for one night… - Kylian!
- This is getting weird now - One beautiful night of unparalleled passion and desire…
- Kylian stop! - What?
This is turning into homosexual fan porn, that’s what!
I meant I want to be inside you like Freaky Friday inside you.
- Oh… - And play just one match as you.
- Oh!!! - Thank goodness for that.
- To feel the unbridled strength of the GOAT. - Yes, Kylian. Unbridled.
- Then after the game I could stand in front of the mirror. - I usually do
- Naked - What?
- And pleasure myself - CUT!
- Neymar Junior Success Rate, 100% - Neymar Junior, Mortality Rate, 0%.
Unless this video gets demonetised. Then he’s dead meat.
ERLING HAALAND
Erling, how did your vaccine go?
There’s bad news and there’s good news. The bad news… my test subject died during the trials.
- Dear God. - And the good news?
- It was Robert Lewandowski - Holy hymens!
- That’s not good news! - It is for my chances of winning something this season.
- What went wrong? - Well, using uranium wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.
- No, it wasn’t. - And I should have realised my mistake when my first test subject died.
- Your first test subject? - Who was that?!
- Rest in peace, Roy… - Take that, you c***!
Well we’re definitely getting demonetised now! Thank you very much Haaland family.
- Elring Haaland Success Rate, 0% - Erling Haaland Mortality Rate, 200%.
LIONEL MESSI
- Lionel, who did you test on? - Guess
- Divock Origi? - No
- Andy Robertson? - No
- Antoine Griezmann? - No
- Give me a clue… - He used to play for Barcelona
- Ronald Koeman?! Haha! He looks like Ed Sheeran - Why Lionel? WHY?
This is for dropping me in the champions league!
- I didn't drop you. I was resting you… - Really?
- Yes - Oh... oh well
- Messi success rate 0%. Which is very close to Koeman’s win % at Barcelona. - Messi mortality rate 0%.
ROBERT LEWANDO... oh, he's dead
LUIS SUAREZ
- Luis, who did you test on? - No-one! I figured I’d do a live trial! On myself!
- This isn’t I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Luis - Here goes nothing...
- HAHA! - How does the vaccine feel?
Vaccine? This isn’t the vaccine. This is some stolen T-Virus from the Umbrella Corp.
Holy sh*t!
It’s… it’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen!
IT’S GENIUS!
La Liga defences do not stand a chance…
- Luis Suarez success rate, 0% - Suarez mortality rate, TBC
ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC
- Zlatan, how did your trials go? - Zlatan didn’t do any trials.
- What? - Why?
The only trials Zlatan will be doing...
...is when he takes EA Sports, The Frontmen and 442shittytoons to court for using his name and likeness without permission!
- Seriously? - Seriously!
And I will sue 442shittytoons a second time for humiliating me with this humongous nose!
To be fair, you should be suing your parents for that.
- See you in court, aholes… - Are you worried Cristiano?
Ha no. My “Las Vegas lawyers” will sort this out in no time.
- Zlatan Success Rate, 0% - Zlatan Courtcase Success Rate, 0%
- MARCUS RASHFORD - MBE
- Marcus, how did your trials go? - Amazing, 100% success rate!
- Holy ballbags - what have you done to his head? - No, it always looks like this.
- Oh, my mistake - My vaccine is so good…
...Boris Johnson has awarded me a £1bn contract with the government.
⏺▶⏹ ⏺▶⏹ ⏺▶⏹
Congratulations. That’s almost as lucrative as my contract with Juventus
Are you going to donate any of that to kids free-school meals?
No. I was wondering if you could recommend a good off-shore tax haven? Panama was it?
- Er... - I don’t know what you’re talking about Marcus
- Yes, Me either - Don’t worry. I’ll ask my new friend Jacob Rees-Mogg.
- Marcus Rashford MBE, Success Rate, 100% - Marcus Rahsford tax paid, 0%. Impressive.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
- Cristiano, who did you test on? - Well I was going to test on you, Lionel...
...but I was worried a COVID vaccine may react badly with all those growth hormones swilling around in your bloodstream…
- Oh, haha - So I tested on…
- ...Zlatan. Haha. - What have you done to my beautiful face?
I don’t know if my vaccine protects Zlatan from Covid19, but it protects us from being sued for using his name and likeness.
Zlatan looks nothing like himself now!
- You literally still just called me Zlatan. - No I didn’t, I called you, erm, Aslan…
This is medical negligence! My lawyers will have a field day!
- What the f***? - It was the humane thing to do… RIP, Aslan.
Ronaldo success rate 0%
Ronaldo mortality rate 100%. We’ll just say Zlatan suffered a reaction to the vaccine.
And the bullet hole in this forehead?
He chose to end his own life. We can blame it on EA Sports using his image and likeness without permission
THE FINAL RESULTS! The winners of the covid vaccine challenge are..
- Marcus Rashford - And Neymar Junior!
- Congratulations guys - Thanks
Now you have proven yourselves as ground-breaking scientists, your next challenge is to find a cure for dwarfism. For Lionel.
Dick!