We've got a problem.
We've got a problem?
Oh yeah.
Well?
It's a lie.
What's a lie?
Everything.
Everything is a lie?
Exactly! It's not real!
What isn't?
Everything.
We don't exist, Chris.
Well, we do exist, but we don't.
What?
Actors, man! We're just being played by actors.
Tom, you know I don't have time for this. I have to meet Amy in...
Crap!
Okay.
Okay... Amy. She'll do.
Ahh, Amy.
Amy the beautiful. Amy the unattainable. Amy the most attractive girl in town.
Wouldn't you agree?
Well yeah, everyone knows that.
Look at her, man! She's a six at best. How could she be the most attractive girl in town.
You're such an arsehole.
Actors.
Tom, you know how long it's taken me to convince Amy to go out on a date with me.
Why are you choosing now to be unsupportive?
Because this is more important than you and her.
This is more important than me and you.
This is about reality as we know it.
How is this about reality as we know it?
Because if you go on that date with Amy, then life as we know will come to an end.
You've lost it.
Okay, just think about it for a second.
What if we are characters in a film?
What if?
Well, if you finish your story arc then the film is going to end.
My story arc?
Yeah, y'know. Boy meet girl, stuff happens, boy and girl hook up, roll credits.
So, i'm boy.
And Amy's girl.
Exactly.
And the film that we are in is...
A romance.
And if we get together, then the film ends.
And subsequently time itself. Yeah.
Yeah, you've lost it.
Okay, erm... How old are you?
25.
And how old am I?
25.
And you don't find that strange?
Find what strange?
Oh, I don't know the fact that neither of us look over 18.
So, we're youthful.
Or, we're poorly cast.
Oh great, so now we are in a bad film too?
Hey, it could be a student film. That would explain why your girlfriend is so ugly.
Amy is not ugly and so far your entire argument against reality is that we are baby faced.
You're not very good at this.
Okay, okay.
Where do you think you live?
My apartment.
Is it your apartment? Or, is it student accommodation?
Pretty sure it's my apartment.
Okay, then tell me Chris.
Why do you have...
Two toasters.
My god... Never thought about it before... Two toasters?
We're all doomed! Somebody call the pentagon!
Okay fine, i'll give you some more proof then!
Take a seat.
Films have continuity errors and we are going to sit here and wait till one of those happens.
Are you serious? Are you being serious right now?
This is so stupid.
There!
What?
That mug was not there before.
Well, this was a fun game. I have to go now.
Bollocks.
Let me make one thing clear to you.
If and when you meet Amy you can't act like this.
If? Chris, there won't be an if because if you go on this date with Amy then t-
Time itself will end. Yes. I know. And that's exactly the kind of thing you have to not say.
Chris could you take this seriously!
Look! Camera bag!
You even own a...
Bollocks!!
Can you stop doing that!
Doing what? Being normal?
Yes!
Well, no. We don't have time for you to be playing the straight man. What if i'm right?
Well, if you're right then the end of my dry spell will also mark the end of time.
And you're fine with that?!
Well, do you see and other option?
Well...
Oh no...
This is what this is about isn't it. You just don't want me to get a girlfriend.
What?!
Of course! Why didn't I see it coming?!
You're just trying to put me off Amy.
Well, yeah!
Let me guess, you're afraid that if we start dating then we won't spend as much time together?
Like she'll take over my life and you'll be brushed to the side?
How could you accuse me of being so petty! I've already told you this is bigger than me and you.
This is bigger than her.
This is the universe.
Okay, well I promise that we are going to spend the same amount of time together.
She's not going to come between us. Okay?
Bollocks.
Is there anything I can do to stop you?
No, not really... And if you care so much why don't you rewrite the script?
Oh yeah because I wrote this! I have no say in it!
So why do you care so much?
Because I don't know what happens when it ends...
Well, maybe that's just the big grand cycle of life. Maybe you're not supposed to know.
Maybe we are not in a film.
How do you know?! I mean what do you remember from today?
Errrrr, I listened to some music. I read a book. Then you came over all crazy.
Anything else?
Meh.
Hmmm.
I was so sure...
Hey, good news. If you and Amy hook up maybe time will come to and end. I don't even think
that's like the main storyline here.
Oh great, so now i'm not a main character in my own life?!
Well, no. That's not what i'm saying. I just think you're sex life is not the primary concern here.
Well, maybe this film is about you losing a stupid argument.
Oh, I'm late i've got to go!
Chris!
Chris...
No, no, no...
I guess that would make this my story arc wouldn't it?!
I student film about a loss of a close one! Real original! Who thought of that?!
*Dramatic music starts*
No! No, no, no! This can't! No!
This isn't the conclusion!
Turn the music off!
Turn it off!
TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!!!
Well, that was shit...