If you are someone who is currently in public school, or used to go to public school, you
probably remember picture day.
You either love picture day, or you hate it.
For those who are fond of picture day, smiling feels natural because the excitement is already
there.
For others, being forced to smile not only feels awkward, but fake, but according to
society’s logic, if you smile, that automatically makes it a good photo.
Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are irrelevant.
The only thing that matters is the big, wide smile.
When people look at your photo, they assume that you were happy at the time, but this
isn’t always the case.
This is a basic example of “toxic positivity.”
Admittedly, when I first heard of this phrase, it confused me.
“How can positivity be toxic?”
I wondered.
But after doing more research, and hearing people’s stories, I started to understand
where they were coming from.
Positivity is fine when it happens authentically, and naturally, but when society, or family
forces it down your throat, it can become unhealthy, and the same can be said for anything.
Too much fruit can be harmful, too much exercise can be harmful, and even too much anime can
be detrimental to your health, and positivity is no exception.
I recommend watching The Simpsons episode, “Moaning Lisa” if you are interested in
a visual representation of what hiding your emotions can do to your mental health.
I’ll briefly explain what I found fascinating about this episode.
We are shown immediately how exhausted Lisa is with how repetitive her life has become.
She is clearly tired, bored, and uninterested in her activities throughout the day.
She tries telling the school, and her parents that she’s sad, but nobody understands the
kind of sadness she is experiencing.
To express her feelings, she plays the blues on her saxophone in her room, only to be told
she isn’t allowed to.
Her emotions begin to pour out, leaving Homer feeling guilty for unintentionally rejecting
her desire to express herself.
Not long after, she hears someone else playing a saxophone outside, so she temporarily runs
away from home to trace where the sound is coming from.
She finds this man who goes by the name “Murphy.”
They both share their depressing stories through music.
For the first time in a long time Lisa has someone she can vent her feelings to that
will finally understand her.
Bart thinks laughter is the answer to her depression, Homer doesn’t understand how
deep, or serious her depression is, and Marge believes the best way to handle her situation
is to just smile and, in her words, “take all your bad feelings and push them down,
all the way down.”
She thinks that in order for Lisa to fit in, she needs to change herself, but when Lisa
takes her advice and fakes her positive attitude to her classmates, and teacher, she becomes
their doormat.
Sure, they accept her somewhat, but that’s only because of the smile on her face.
I feel Lisa’s pain because when people tell me to smile, when I don’t feel like smiling
it annoys the hell out of me.
I know those that pressure others to be positive have good intentions, but in many cases it
has the opposite effect.
It gives people the impression that if they’re not smiling, or if they’re not in a “happy-go-lucky
mood” all the time then there’s something wrong with them, but this logic is flawed.
Marge quickly realizes the hole in her advice, and yanks Lisa back into the car to apologize.
In this story, Lisa just wanted to know that she would be loved and accepted regardless
of how she felt.
Once she gets that approval that it’s okay for her to express herself, she feels happier.
We see her smile, but this time her smile isn’t fake, it’s real.
Just because someone smiles, doesn’t mean they’re happy.
Everyone has their own idea of where happiness comes from, but if you were to ask me, happiness
is found in the freedom to express yourself fully, openly, and honestly.
Happiness is found in the realization that all of your emotions are valid... doesn't
matter if it’s sadness, frustration, or confusion.
Obviously the goal is to get out of depression, but that doesn’t happen overnight, it’s
a process, and you can only do it at your own pace, and
in your own unique way.