Reddit Relationships.
My fiance cheated on me.
Hello All, never thought I'd be here on the internet asking for opinion/assistance of random Redditors
But Hey, things are weird for me right now.
A bit of background.
I met my partner back in December, 2017 through mutual friends, started seeing each other and things moved really quickly.
We clicked super well, always laughed
And had similar interests.
Generally, life was swell after five weeks together.
And due to me needing to leave my current rented accommodation, we started living together.
This was brilliant, and we regularly had friends over for parties.
Drank together, had cute nights in, laughed, loved, etc
Another three months passed and I asked her to marry me.
We were both aware.
It was very soon, but we have built an extremely solid relationship filled with trust and love.
Everything had been going fantastically well.
Until around September 2020, COVID was well and truly ongoing and closure of businesses mixed with social activities.
Being limited meant we needed to fill our time with other activities.
I've always been a gym goer, but being unable to go to the gym, I took up cycling and running,
and this led me entering an ultra endurance race, which is now taking up a lot of time, training.
This has been a slight topic of argument over the past six months.
But in my opinion, nothing major, we both work shifts.
So time together can sometimes be scarce.
And I guess my training further negatively impacted on that, to an extent
We bought the place we had been living in, which was finalized in September, 2020.
We were pushed to buy the place together.
As their previous owners (her relatives) were having financial problems and it would help them out.
Anyway, fast forward to two weeks ago, I picked her up from her friend's house.
Drunk, very drunk.
I was sitting with her on the sofa when we got home and she passed out.
I saw her phone go off with this suspicious text from a coworker.
I read the message and kept reading.
I discovered they had been sleeping together since January and have been flirtatiously meeting up since October sexting, etc too.
I also saw numerous messages with their friends suggesting she had serious feelings for this guy.
Although she professed, she still loved me, essentially.
I feel so.
So betrayed.
My initial reaction was to break it off.
But I still love her and, am still here.
I want to see past it, but it keeps coming up.
I almost feel like I can't look at her the same and certainly can't envision marrying her.
now I am unsure what to do and whether our owning of a property, intertwined lives, etc together is influencing my decision.
I think if it was one drunken night, I could forgive her, but it's been around 20 to 30 occasions.
Over months, she has consistently lied to me.
Will I be able to get over this or do I cut losses and rebuild with someone else in the future?
She cheated on you repeatedly and didn't feel any guilt, would have continued.
Had you not found out, it almost sounds as if she is comfortable with you.
But still keeping her options open.
If she loved you or had any respect for your relationship, she wouldn't have cheated on you.
If she was unhappy, she should have broken things off.
Instead of purchasing a house with you while she was sleeping with someone else, that is pretty darn manipulative, making it harder for you to leave.
If you found out, or using the house as leverage.
Or a way to control you.
If you break up, you are young and don't have children together, I would cut your losses, move on and find a bright future with someone else.
Quote, unquote, extremely solid relationship filled with trust and love.
Does anything about her actions?
Say trust.
And love.
Nope, they do not.
She cheated and lied.
If you hadn't caught her, she'd still be messing around with this person, perhaps even right now, look at it this way.
She knew she was hurting you in the exact way she did.
She knew how it would destroy you.
And she did it anyway many times who would do that to someone they claim to love.
Who would destroy a relationship and future marriage by messing over the very person they
claim to care the most about? Your fiance did, that's who, ask for the ring back and sell it.
You can use the proceeds to fund a new wardrobe, professional photoshoot, and dating.
Even if you get back together, that ring doesn't mean shit to her.
And hasn't for the past four months.
Why use it as a symbol of commitment? As for your house?
Sell it, go 100% no contact with her for at least three months.
That means no texts, calls, emails, social media, block her on social media.
If she calls, don't answer, tell her you are blocking her number, then do it.
She can go stay with her affair partner and be intimate with him 24/7
now. I know when we are faced with what your fiance did, we feel embarrassed and even humiliated.
Those are misplaced emotions.
Those are things she should be feeling.
And by you feeling them, they keep you from reaching out to family and friends.
The people who can best help you through this, don't live in a bubble of sadness.
Tell your parents, tell your friends, tell everyone who she is.
When people ask you what happened, tell them she messed around on me, and leave it at that.
Finally, don't let her shitty behavior dictate how you feel about yourself.
She didn't cheat because of you.
She cheated because she's a self-centered lying, uncaring unethical piece of shit.
I'm sure you can contradict that assessment, but, her actions won't hold up to that.
Yes.
You can still love her.
Yes, you can forgive her.
No, you can not be married to her.
She's not the person you think she is.
As time goes on, you'll realize that don't let her deplorable actions dictate how you view yourself.
Let her actions show you who SHE is.
Not who you ARE. Edit to add: Seek legal representation on how to best resolve the ownership of your house.
Maybe you can buy her half out or vice versa.
There certainly are feelings involved on her side.
First of all, take screenshots of those conversations, then separate from her for some
time to process what she did, use that time to go to a doctor and get yourself tested.
Understand that if you wouldn't have found out, she would go on with the affair, think deeply about if she is still the
woman you want to grow old with, you will never again, trust her like you did before.
There will always be this nagging thought in the back of your mind, if the house is the only reason why you are thinking of staying.
then leave, always remember she knew that a affair could destroy your relationship and she made a decision for the affair
and against you and the relationship with you, the affair was more important to her.
That is the decision she made.
The next decision is up to you, and you should make it to a decision that sets you up for a good future.
If you decide to stay with her, then she has to quit her job.
Since her affair partner is a coworker.
She also has to cut contact to all of her friends that knew about the affair.
And supported it by not saying anything to you, they are enemies of your relationship.
No matter what, stop having sex with her and go to a doctor and get yourself tested.
You are worth so much more than to be treated this way.
Hi all, firstly, thanks for all of your comments.
Genuinely didn't expect such a response.
It's weird getting advice from strangers online, but some really good stuff here.
So, I decided to tell her today that I couldn't get over this.
And I broke up with her.
She's staying with family for a few days and we are meeting up again to talk about mid- long-term logistics of the house, car etc.
It truly has been the saddest day of my life.
I do not usually cry.
But there has been many moments today.
I've told my mum, she's told her family who have all sent me such nice messages.
The fear of losing all of this comfort/ security we have created, is overwhelming.
And the thought of starting a fresh with someone new that doesn't know me, get my humor or understand my deep inner workings, is terrifying.
I guess, one step at a time, eh, I feel a sense of relief.
But great, great sadness.
This concludes this Reddit Relationships video