How about we sing
Kyle's mom is a stupid bitch
In D-minor
I told you not to call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Ooh!
Well!
Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
Shut up, Cartman!
Howdy ho!
Mr Hankey!
On Monday she's a bitch On Tuesday's she's a bitch
On Wednesday to Saturday she's a bitch
Then on Sunday just to be different
She's a super King Kamehameha biyotch!
Golly that isn't very nice
I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom?
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean ol' bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
She's a stupid bitch
Kyle's mom's a bitch And she's such a dirty bitch
Kyle's mom is a bitchhaaaa
Eric Cartman I told you to get ready for bed.
Yeah, I just want to finish this movie.
No Eric this is a school night.
Mom, I'm into this movie I'm not going to bed right now
Chillax.
You most certainly are right now, mister!
I will go to bed when this movie is over, mom.
Eric! Where did you get that?
Turn off the light and go back to bed
I'm staying up.
Eric, you march right up to your room
I don't think so mom
Eric, you get your butt to bed!
No means no Bill Cosby!
I told you to go upstairs right now!
Whoa mom what the hell?
Mom!
What is it, hunny?
My baby's killed again!
No, mom!
What are we going to do baby What are we going to do?
I've got such a handsome boy such a good boy.
Would you mind loaning me some of your lipstick, mom
Because I want to at least look pretty
The next time you decide to fuck me!
Wait Wait, mom?
Can we talk?
Umm yes of course
This is very difficult, mom
But, um
You know how every year I go to summer camp?
Well I hate it
I hate it and I don't want to go anymore
I'm sorry I can't understand you hunny, you're handicapped
What's to understand?
I'm telling you I don't want to go to that stupid camp anymore
You want water? Is that what you want?
No, I don't want to go to camp!
Oh yes okay hunny I'll turn off the lamp
No! That's not what I fucking said!
Mom! Bathroom.
What, hun?
Bathroom. Bathroom!
Oh that's a big boy isn't he?
Mommy
Yes?
Suck my balls you're a fat bitch
Whaaat!!??
Mom tell them! Tell them I'm not fat
I'm just big-bonned
Tell them all those stories about how everyone in your family
Was big as a child but then grew into their bodies
Oh sweetie those were all lies you're just fat.
Can we go home now, mom?
No bubala you play with Kenny some more
But we've been playing for eight hours
We can't think of anything else to do
I've got a great game for you it's called oocky mouth
What's oocky mouth?
First you let Kenny spit in your mouth
Then you try to swallow his spit and say oocky mouth at the same time
Sick dude!
No no bubbie it's loads of fun try it
Hell Dr Roberts It's Miss Cartman
Oh yes Miss Cartman What could I do for you?
Well it's my son
He's lost a lot of his baby teeth and I was starting to get worried
Well losing baby teeth is a natural thing Miss Cartman
How many has he lost?
About 112
Your son wouldn't happen to be an alligator, would he?
No? Hmm I see
As soon as I get back I'll look into it
Oh thank you. Freebie next week!
What?
You know that mommy loves you an awful lot, don't you?
Well sure I do mom I love you too
And sometimes mommies do things that seem hurtful to their babies
But it's really for the best
Oh you mean like that time you washed my mouth out
with soap for saying "nutsack" in front of grandma
Yeah, I need to behave myself.
If a mommy has to end her life
She can't let her baby alone in the world to be raised by a sick pervert
Well sure that makes sense I suppose, yeah
Hey did you see my mittens anywhere?
it's cold out here
I'm going to get out of the car now Butters
I want you to stay put with your seatbelt fastened
Oh, well, alright mom
Oh-okay then
Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat
you can either have the Toshiba Handibook
or you can have nothing at all.
Oh, I've got a better idea
why don't you go across the street
and buy some condoms
because we should at least be safe
if you're going to fuck me, mom
Eric..
You might as well go buy some ciggarettes too
because I like to have a smoke after I get good and fucked.
You want to fuck me mom? Just say so
Mom?
Hi bubbie.
Mom, there's something I need to tell you.
What is it, Kyle?
You're a fat skank, mom.
Kyle!
Oh my gosh what did you just say?
You're a fat skank mom and your tits belong in a morgue
..oh my god
Miss Cartman I've been very bad m'kay
You have been bad Mr Mackey so you're gonna have to drink from this glass
Oh yeah, that makes me hot M'kay
oh, mom!
wow.. what?
(sobbing)
Stop crying, Eric
I told you if you kept acting up
you weren't getting anything.
but I told you I was sorry
you made me look like some sort of child molester
in front of all those people
I wasn't trying to get you in trouble
Then why did you go outside
to a police officer and say
"help, help my mom is trying to fuck me"
Oh wait I get it now
the F word is a no no word
and I shouldn't say it around other people
I'm sorry mama
You get some sleep baby
Mommy's taking care of everything
But mom!
Shh. Hush little baby don't say a word
mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird
If that mocking bird don't sing
mommy's gonna bury it in the backyard
I'm not going to tell you again Eric
it is time for night-night!
mom, put down the gun
I am your mother and you will do what I tell you
okay I am going
well then you go right now mister
I am going to bed mom chillax!
alright then, no comic books just straight to sleep
I love you sweetie
okay I love you too mom night night
Yeah I think the car might be moving mom
yeah i'm pretty sure the car's moving
looks like I'm heading for the water
shh.. shh..
it's okay baby mommy will be with you very soon
uhh I think that.. yep..
it looks like the car's filling up with water
yeah, think maybe now might be a good time to come back inside the car and drive mom
Oh there she is there's my mom right now
Boo!
Eric, you come home right now
Boo!
Mam' why do you think it's okay to fuck your son?
I don't!
she does she does it all the time
she fucked me on christmas she fucked me on my birthday
Ooh!
you know mom the least you can do is kiss me first
cause I like to get kissed before I get fucked
you fuck your son and you won't even give him a kiss? boo!
if I was gonna fuck my son I'd kiss him first