Worsts Monarchs Throughout History
Throughout the years, humanity has been forced to deal with uncertain times and even more
uncertain leaders. However, we won't leave all that nastiness for the fantasy novels;
we're bringing it to you right here. Believe me, when I say the villains of fiction, you
know, and love today ain't got nothing on the scum of reality. The worst part of all—they're
not all in the medieval time, you might be imagining. Oh, no—some on this list are
alive and well today. Same can't be said of their people, but you know—meh. This is,
after all, the worst monarchs of all time.
To exemplify those presented to you today, I'd like to start off with a quote from Stefan
Molyneux, who had this to say about rulers in general: "The ones who are insane enough
to think that they can rule the world are always the ones who do." Very telling of the
characters of the ruling class. Steve Jobs later said something similar but slightly
upgraded it for modern times: "The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can CHANGE
the world are the ones who do." While they are very similar in their language, their
intent is widely the opposite. Rulers, especially of old, were notoriously narcissistic. For
those times, those ideals of strength above all fed into narcissistic values and allowed
for heinous monarchs to rise to power. Jobs, on the other hand, speaks of the opposite. The
world is full of sane people who don't want to break anything. "Could be worse" kind
of people. These facts make it hard for the "could be
better" type of people. These facts make it hard for the ones who
realize that sometimes things need to be broken. And indeed, these facts make it hard for the
crazy ones to change anything. In this context, the crazy ones are the ones to shake everything
up.
Call what you will; I'm glad to have been born far after the rule of Gaius Caligula
of Rome. Ruling from 12 to 41 AD, Caligula's mad reign sets a high bar in terms of horrible
monarchs. A promising Candidate from the start, Caligula was initially loved. After assuming
supreme power and Emperor's role, a flip in Caligula's head must have flipped. Just a
few months into his reign, he made it a purpose to humiliate and intimidate other governmental
officials, particularly of the Senate and military Command. He had begun to construct
himself a monopoly of power that no one saw coming until it was too late. At his worst,
he was insulting all members of the world, including his own subjects; by declaring himself
a literal god, he increasingly began alienating himself. Alienating a narcissist, especially
one yielding such power, is a dangerous gamble. They will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to maintain
power. Realizing his falling in popularity—and all too human emotion—the mad king instituted
a reign of terror throughout the land by enacting arrest for treason. There was no evidence
or trial, of course. Caligula's predecessor, Tiberius, pulled a similar stunt just a reign
prior. When it comes to Rome, there were so many corrupt monarchs it was hard to choose
just one. I have to be fair to all the terrible rulers, too, right? After all, that's why
you're here, is it not?
Pick a location, and you can research a horrible ruler in the area at some point in another.
During his reign, Emperor Qin Shi Huang of China is credited with creating the first
unified Chinese Empire. An incredible feat, undoubtedly. While his idea of a unified China
might have been better in the long run, his mind wasn't so focused on the future. He wanted
all of China for himself. A narcissist through and through. Though he accomplished incredible
things throughout Chinese history, that didn't make him a good ruler. Part of the reason
he achieved unification was by destroying the country's already established education
system, filling their heads with propaganda garbage, and working his subjects until they
literally died. The slave machine that unified China was one of the fastest in all of the
world's history. Some of his propagandic ideologies inspired such tales as George Orwell's 1984
and Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. He followed principles that included speaking in opposites,
issuing orders that made no sense, and behaving in contraries. Sound familiar? He also distrusted
anyone with an education, the educational system as a whole, and not only was the first
recorded monarch to burn books but even terrified citizens from the pursuit of knowledge by
burying several hundred scholars alive while everyone watched. In addition to unifying
china, he constructed himself a tomb so massive it came equipped with 8,000 terra-cotta warriors
and horses. Everything he thought he accomplished fell apart in less than a decade after his
death—his divine-like status soon to crumble away with his ego and life.
All of this, of course, depends on how you define "great" or "worst." Nothing is black
and white; everything is grey. What is not arguable, however, are atrocious acts against
human beings. Most arguably, the granddaddy of all mad kings is King Nebuchadnezzar, the
Babylonian ruler. His first-person account of the descent into insanity is one of the
most striking tales of the past. The Biblical tale of Nebuchadnezzar's madness laid the
foundation through which royal insanity was seen later! According to accounts he's referenced,
he struck mad with animal-like insanity when he disavowed the Christian God as the one
true god. If we know anything about the past, it's when humans can't understand or process
what's happening in reality; it falls to divinity for an explanation. That is until science
comes along and helps us understand it. While the accounts are limited to his tale, one
fabric of truth seems to permeate them all—strange animal-like behavior attributed to divine
retribution. I know a couple of people who act like this down the road from me. The problem
was Nebuchadnezzar was in charge of a nation!
It's no secret that the word "medieval" evokes images of violence, brutality, and harsh living.
As well as extreme decadence for royals and a handful of people. From pitiless queens
to cruel kings, they truly lived and played with life with their own set of rules—bloody
as they may be. There seemed to be a particularly long stretch
of craziness throughout Europe. Some slaughtered thousands while trying to spread Christianity,
other's attempted to expunge their nations from perceived religious threats! From infanticide
to fratricide, these rulers can't be called anything other than despicable.
Henry VIII, for instance, is arguably the most well-known of all England's monarchs.
That isn't necessarily a good thing. In addition to many girlfriends, he claimed six wives
and beheaded two of them when they bored him. His rule brought extensive changes across
the nation and segued Europe into the Protestant Reformation. This effectively changed England's
faith. Ridiculed for his excesses, narcissism, and obesity, his iconic look is forever burned
into history's brain. I doubt he was going for this, but it worked out in his favor.
However, amongst all the flaws of Henry VIII, none are more infamous than his raging mood
swings and paranoia. That's a long 36 years of someone with such a temperament. In those
years, he executed a disgusting 57,000 people. Most of whom were either members of the clergy
of an opposing religion or ordinary citizens and nobles who had taken part in uprisings
and protests. Or there was always for the purpose of for his pure enjoyment. Like the
Romans, he often enjoyed blood-sport in which his political rivals were entered as contestants.
All-in-all victims of his reign fell into three principal categories - Heresy, Treason,
and Denial of his Royal Supremacy as Head of the English Church. Self-proclaimed, of
course. He was judge, jury, and executioner. While he didn't swing the ax, he enjoyed watching
it. Living during his reign would have posed situations in which you'd find highly unfathomable
today. Simply speaking aloud, an opinion against the paranoid, self-proclaimed "god-king" was
a danger—even to the most influential of citizens. Henry's violence and era of fear
are long remembered in Europe. He was even recently voted worst by citizens of the EU
and UK. Worse fates were to await those who he believed plotted against him. As you might
imagine, his paranoia often got the best of him in this manner. Or maybe he used it as
an excuse to watch beheading for enjoyment. Who knows!? In Henry's mind, any defiance
against his divine intellect and will was a stance against god himself. You can see
where I'm going.
Henry may be the worst monarch in all human history. Then again, there are hundreds if
not thousands of leaders that can be argued as such. Such an offense against his divine
law was dealt with swift and harsh punishment, indeed. But to Henry, he had a special hatred
in his heart for heresy, witchcraft, and treason. The fate in store for those condemned of these
crimes was as violent as they were cruel. I'm talking pure barbarism here; people, like
being burned at stake, hanged, drawn and quartered, even flayed. It is interesting to note that
members of aristocracy and gentry could not be legally tortured. To man subject of frequent
rage mood swings, you can see how a man willing to wield such power in such a way would cause
harm, no? While there are a few names of the executed on record, most are unknown—lost
in a moment of rage of a mad king. Whether these unfortunates were once adored royal
wives, close friends, respected advisors, politicians, mothers, fathers, daughters,
or simply perceived as enemies, they all contribute to a tally of death, making Henry VIII the
most prolific serial killer England has ever known. The keyword here is KNOWN! Many awful
human beings that call themselves monarchs operate from the shadows.
Sure, there are governments established in those nations. Still, the overwhelming resources
these monarchs retain allow them to remain prominent figures in their society. That is
to say, where their nation is almost entirely dependent on relations with the royals. Monopoly,
exploitation, murder, assassination, these shadow monarchs of today operate on a set
of rules of their own. There is no denying that. While the evidence is routinely covered
up, witnesses paid off, and investigative journalists snuffed out, it's cut and clear
who benefits the most from their mysterious passing. For the first time in nearly 70 years,
Thailand is crowning a new king. Maha Vajiralongkorn took the throne when his father died just
a few years ago. In Japan, Crown Prince Naruhito became the country's 126th emperor. Dozens
of countries still have royal families. Monarchs go by many names: King, Queen, Czar, Sultan,
Emir, I could go on forever. The power they exert depends on the country. No matter the
word they use to refer to themselves, one thing is in common between all the monarchs
on our list today—they alone believed they were the sole saviors of their nation, its
prosperity, and strength.
This list could go on forever. Ultimately, two things have proven to actually be better
for the world. 1: When you take care of your people, they take care of you—strength through
unity. And 2: If ultimate power goes too long unchecked, like the curious mind humans' possess,
we push the boundaries just an inch further—just a step—to see what happens.