Hi my loves this is Aileen.
Last year, I made a couple videos
about my holistic healing journey and the Body and Brain practice.
Through this, I was invited
to share my story in a new documentary called Love Heals.
Love Heals follows the journey of Dana,
a chronic pain sufferer in search of healing.
Together with her partner Krisanna, a filmmaker,
the two travel the country to understand how this ancient principle
has helped so many heal and to see what's possible
for those experiencing these practices for the first time.
I'm grateful to be a small part of this film
and to share this concept of self-love
and healing that's so needed in our world today.
So please enjoy this exclusive extended cut
created just for our community
of my interview in the documentary, Love Heals.
Why am I pushing myself, why am I trying so hard?
Why am I suffering so much when I have everything that I need?
I have enough money.
I have a beautiful home, I have a boyfriend, I have a puppy, like
I have everything. I'm not lacking in my life.
And yet I'm, why am I suffering? Why do I have anxiety still?
Your body gives you signals, whether, right?
Whether it's just anxiety, sadness, depression, frustration. You feel it.
I mean, growing up, I had
a difficult relationship with my dad, and I knew that that was a big part
of who I am and my life and why I am the way I am.
But when I started my YouTube career, it was more about like,
forget that I'm going to be like, I'm going to be my true self.
I'm going to become a new version of me and let me just chase my dreams.
And so the first few years I was chasing my dreams.
And one theme from this past year really was me finally healing
from the part of me that is an overachiever,
The part of me that pushes myself so hard.
Because if you think about it
in the beginning of my career, when you're doing YouTube,
content creator, you have to push yourself.
You have to work really hard.
You're not making money the first few years.
At a certain point, I reached 1,000,000 subscribers,
I was making good enough money,
and yet I was still like stressing out every day about the numbers.
My emotions would go up and down with the numbers.
And I always had this feeling like,
Oh, you're not doing enough, you're not good enough.
The first session with Michelle,
I mean, I was excited because I didn't know what to expect.
What was interesting just doing these exercises
for the first time was you feel like you're
touching parts of your body that you've never touched before.
You're, right? Like your gut, your organs, it's really strange.
And it's also, the most interesting part was Michelle showing us
where on our bodies we were holding like tension or pain.
For example, like this is the heart chakra line.
At the first session when she touched here, it was painful.
And now when I do, it's not painful anymore.
Obviously, there were sessions where I would cry.
I think in the first three or four or five sessions, I cried each time
for a different reason.
Like, the first time was just like working with your solar plexus area.
Just tapping and like pushing this area made me emotional
because she says you store emotions here.
I feel like tingling here, my hands are like this.
My hands start clamping up and my mouth goes like, like this.
And like, I'm crying and it's not just
I’m not just crying, but my whole body is like tense and in pain.
I had a lot of sadness in my childhood.
I had a lot of chaos and uncertainty when I was a kid, but I kept it all to myself.
I would just cry and not explain to anybody why I was crying.
I like intuitively, I think that's why my mouth does that
when I'm healing, because I didn't express myself.
I like, I kept it all in.
And it's like as an adult that still happens.
And so I, through healing practices,
I have to breathe through it and I have to allow myself to express.
That was the most recent thing that I've been working to heal,
and a lot of things came up where
that voice that's telling me, I'm not good enough, I'm not doing enough.
It's not my own voice, it was actually my dad's voice
because I felt like nothing that we did was ever good enough for him.
That was like a huge revelation where I'm like, Oh, it's not my own voice.
Like, it's my dad's voice, and I can choose to let it go if I want to.
And it was really through doing like Body and Brain
practices, I even did this workshop called Finding Your True Self
that really helped me let go of a lot of that pressure.
Let go of that unnecessary high expectations on myself
and live more carefree.
So one of my themes now is like, I just want to live more carefree
and focus on just joy and love in my life because I don't need
to be so hard on myself.
I don't have to be that critic, right?
You should be loving and supportive to yourself.
Self-love is the heart of it all.
Like, if you don't love yourself, you can't find happiness.
You can't like, there's so much
that's going to be missing if you don't love yourself.
After doing these sessions and healing
bit by bit, I felt, I felt my happiness come back into my life.
I feel a little bit more energy, I had more inspiration,
I was able to sleep better.
I have insomnia, like I'm
the kind of person that stays up at night because my brain won't stop thinking.
So I was able to sleep a little better and be a little bit more creative.
And what's interesting is I told you I took a break.
We took a month off because we wanted to see
if we could just practice at home and then go back to do the private sessions.
But in the past month, I felt both me and my boyfriend Wilson
like going backwards a little bit.
Like I, I have the insomnia a little bit again because I'm
not practicing as hard as I was when I was doing those private sessions.
Which just goes to show it's literally it's a practice.
You have to do it consistently, you have to dedicate some time to it.
I definitely noticed like the shift in the energies.
Healing is transmuting your pain.
Giving that pain a purpose.
It's making that pain mean something in your life,
whether it teaches you a lesson, whether it helps you be a stronger person
or just be a more accepting person.
There are so many things that healing can do for you.
That's kind of the perspective
that has helped me, at least in my life, because there's a purpose for your pain.