- So I have had my walking stick
for about six months now and recently
I was at an event in London called Summer in the City
and quite a few young people had come up to me
and they were using walking sticks or a mobility aid
and they said that seeing my photos of me
and my walking stick, another young person,
it gave them the confidence to use their walking stick
in public more and not feel as ashamed.
And that is incredible.
I just posted pictures of my walking stick
'cause I thought it looked cool
but I am just so pleased and I'm so glad
that it has that kind of impact on some people.
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of
and I did see some very cool walking sticks
at Summer in the City.
So just be proud, be proud.
So I wanted to make this video talking about
my experiences of using a walking stick in public
as a young person.
I am 26 years old, although a lot of people think
I'm younger than that.
So I think people get quite shocked
when they see a young person with a walking stick
'cause aren't they reserved for old people?
No my friend, no.
First of all, here is my walking stick.
I love it, it is harvest one.
It was called Harvest something or other
'cause it's got corn and pumpkins
and mostly corn and pumpkins and maybe a few flowers
but it's just like this orangey red colour.
I picked this one because I thought it would match
or at least complement most of my clothes
'cause I'm a very autumnal kind of person.
A lot of people have been asking and I got this
from walkingsticks.co.uk, yes that is an actual website.
I was literally just Googling
where to buy walking sticks from
and they came up and they had so many options.
I had to stop scrolling 'cause I was like,
too much choice is a bad thing.
But I'm very happy with this choice
and I get a lot of compliments on it which is very cool.
If you're out and about and feeling a bit nervous
about having a walking stick with you
and then people are like, that's such a cool cane
and you're like, thanks so much.
So if you can, I would highly recommend
picking one with a design that you like
so that when you are out in public with it
you can feel like a bit more badass.
So the reason why I needed the walking stick
is because of open abdominal surgery.
So both of the surgeries that I had this year
I was unable to have keyhole which has a much faster
recovery time but because of the condition I was in
it wasn't safe to do.
So open surgery literally means they cut you open
and that's how they do the surgery.
And when they cut through your muscles like that
your core just vanishes
and especially the first time around
because I was in hospital for a month
and I wasn't eating and I was just lying in bed
the whole time so I had a month of muscle deterioration
as well as my muscles just being cut in half.
So for me one of the biggest struggles this year
has been having a weakened core.
I am doing something about it now.
I'm doing like very minimal ab exercises for post surgery.
And I definitely am feeling much stronger.
I'm not using my walking stick anymore,
I don't really feel like I need it
and that is kinda what happened
after my first surgery as well
so then I'm glad I kept the walking stick
'cause then I had ab surgery again
so I needed the stick again.
For me there definitely gets to a point
where having the walking stick is kinda like more annoying
than it is useful
and so then when those two things cross over I stop using it
and I'll get onto it a bit later what I mean by annoying.
I don't want to make having a walking stick
seem like a negative thing because so many people
need it and it's a necessity.
So yeah, I had a very weakened core
and it turns out you need your core for a lot of things.
And one of those things is standing up
for long periods of time and walking.
So when I was first out of hospital
all of the excursions and the walking that I would do
would be around my local area
and I would have someone with me.
So I either had my mom or my dad or my boyfriend
and I would hold onto them and walk very slowly
and then I started to feel like I wanted to go out
by myself and I also wanted to get on the Tube.
Like I wanted to travel longer distances
and it was actually my friend Connie who a year ago
broke her leg said to me, get a walking stick.
So she helped me pick this one.
So there are kind of two reasons why I wanted
the walking stick.
One, to help me walk and two, to indicate to other people
that I was fragile.
So one of my biggest fears about going outside
by myself was just the sheer number of people
and how people could just like accidentally bump into me
and that just freaked me out
because I was just thinking about
how much pain I would be in
if I accidentally got knocked over
or if someone like rammed themselves
into my stomach by accident.
I, yeah, that to me I was just like, no no no.
I do not want that to happen.
So I was like, walking stick.
People will just avoid me.
I should also probably mention that this is my experience
living in London as well.
So London, being a very busy city.
Oh and then I guess like reason number three
that I wanted it as well is because it was like access
to my own independence because before that
I was reliant on other people to be able to go outside.
So having a walking stick to me symbolised my independence
after having a month in hospital relying on other people.
So this was like me taking back my life.
So now I wanna get into actually the everyday nitty gritty,
my experience with having this walking stick
and being out in public with it.
I will say first and foremost,
is that I never really had any shame
or embarrassment around it.
I don't know if that's because mentally I knew
having a walking stick was a temporary thing
and I'm not sure if I would've coped differently
if it was going to be a permanent thing
and also my baseline of confidence
is generally like quite high
and feelings like shame and embarrassment,
I'm not very familiar with.
Like obviously I've felt them but around things like this
I'm just like, no, no, no embarrassment I'm fine.
So I guess the biggest thing
and the one that I get asked the most questions about
is do people stand up for me for a seat on the Tube.
(laughs)
Here's the thing about people on the Tube
and I am definitely one of these is that we are
so just like tunnel vision in our world
like on our phone or reading a book,
whatever it is everyone is like looking down,
no one looks up.
No one looks up.
I will say that most of the time I just managed
to sit down normally because I'm a freelancer
and so I don't have to travel at commuter rush hour time
every day unless I specifically have a thing to go to.
But most of the time that I'm using the Tube
is like in the middle of day, it's less busy.
So this wasn't something I had to deal with
as part of my daily grind but I definitely had to
deal with it.
So even though I just said I don't feel any shame
or embarrassment about using a stick
this is like the one time that I just feel so awkward
and just like I'm ruining everyone's fun.
Everyone's silent fun reading on the Tube
but I needed that seat, I needed to sit down.
Standing on a Tube for 20 minutes
was going to hurt me a lot.
So if no one was looking up
and no one offered me a seat then what I would do
is I would just like try and make eye contact
with any people who are sat in the accessible seats
and kind of like, have a little like hey,
look at my stick and then they would get up and sit down.
One of my biggest worries but this hasn't happened
is that I would do that
or like make eye contact with the person
and then they'd be like, I have an invisible condition.
And I'd be like, oh I'm so sorry.
Yes you sit there, next.
'Cause obviously if I end up someone who sat in that seat,
I'm assuming they're able-bodied but you never know.
I only really have two really negative experiences
from this because most of the time
someone will catch my eye or someone will see
and they will stand up.
It's not always the person in that seat
but maybe they have an invisible impairment
and so they can stay sitting then.
So on one such occasion I got on the Tube
and it was like the end of a carriage.
So there was just two accessible seats.
It was very busy, I was last on the Tube.
This is also my problem is that I am not really
in a rush to like get on the Tube
'cause I know I will get on the Tube eventually
so I'm usually always last on which means that
everyone who got on it before me has like taken their seats
and then I get on last and I'm like,
can you stand back up again please?
Maybe I should've been more assertive
on like getting on the Tube first
but really do not want to deal with people
like maybe hitting me.
So I got on last in this very busy Tube
and I'm there with my walking and the two people
in the accessible seats just aren't looking at me,
like I'm trying to look at them, they're not looking at me,
other people have kind of like clocked
that this is happening and then a woman,
like a few seats down, further into the carriage,
spots me and stands up and kind of offers me her seat.
And so then I have to clamber over lots of other people
'cause it was so busy,
people were like standing in between the seats as well.
And by the time I had, the train had started moving
and I just like full on like fell over
and like crashed into some other people.
Everyone around me is like, oh my God
the girl with the walking stick just feel over.
But yeah, that was just really frustrating
because that was completely unnecessary if like,
even the people in the accessible seats
stood up if they were able-bodied
or just like the next person along
or the next, but it had to be a bit further along.
So that was super frustrating.
What I always hope comes out of those situations
is that was a memorable enough moment
for all of the people who witnessed it
to like be able to recall that the next time
they're sat on a Tube and someone with a disability
or like a please give me a seat,
or baby on board badge comes onto the tube,
they'll like remember what happened and fricking stand up
and give that person a seat.
And the second frustrating time was on one of the like,
circle and district line tubes.
So they're much bigger, there's a lot more space
in between seats but it was full.
So you've got like rows of people sitting
but then like a much bigger crowd of people standing
and I get on.
So I get on with my stick.
Now the thing is is that I'm a very short person
and then my stick is like from my hand to the ground.
No one is looking there, no one can see that
because it's just covered with people.
There's just people everywhere, no one can see it.
For the first time I have to like use my voice
and so I say, excuse me can I please have a seat
and one woman just turned and looked at me,
just at my face, so I don't even know if she saw the stick,
just at my face and went, where?
And I was like, and I lifted it up
and I was like can I please have a seat?
And like, I'm saying this, lifting my stick up,
going can I please have a seat and no one budges.
May I please sit down?
Can I please sit down?
Anyone, can I please sit down?
And then again it was a situation
where a young girl like a few seats over
stood up and beckoned to me and I got over,
didn't fall over this time, so that was good.
But that whole situation, I was like,
may I please sit down and this woman was like, where?
Granted the woman who said that was standing up.
It wasn't like that woman who said that was sat down.
So like I said, the walking stick has its usefulness
and then it has its annoyingness.
I wait and so the usefulness is going down
and the annoyingness is going up
and my physical recovery was going well too.
So it got to the point where I didn't want to use
the walking stick anymore but I still needed
a seat on the Tube.
So I ordered, from TFL a please offer me a seat badge
and it also comes with this card which says
please offer me a seat, remember not all impairments
and conditions are visible.
Good work TFL.
I don't know why but for some reason
I feel more embarrassed using this than the stick.
Like I would always have it in my bag
and then as I'm getting on to the actual Tube
I put it on and I try and do bit of a like
and then I like take it off as soon as I'm off the Tube.
So in order to get one of these you literally just
order it from TFL which is Transport For London.
You do not have to prove anything
and it doesn't cost anything.
What I will say though is that myself
and a friend of mine who also ordered one of these
is that they just never arrived in time.
The original email that they send you confirming
that you've ordered it has a phone number on it
being like, if it doesn't arrive within two weeks
call this number.
Save that email and call that number
because as soon as I called that number
and I'm like, my badge has never arrived
and they were like, oh we'll get it out to you tomorrow.
So this one kind of weird thing that I would think
and that I would do when it was coming towards
the end of my needing the walking stick.
Please let me know if this is something that you do
because I just felt, I just felt so strange
and I, was so mad at myself for behaving like this
but basically, when you have a walking stick
it means that you've got one hand available
to do everything that you need to do.
So if you need to get something out of your bag,
if you need to put lip balm on,
if you need to tie up your hair
or whatever it is, if you need that stick to walk
you have to stop walking, do the thing
and then carry on walking.
I would get to a point where I needed the stick
as like a visible cue to everyone else like,
don't touch me, don't clamber near me, I'm fragile
and I also would need it if I knew I was having
a long day and I was going to be walking a lot
because by the evening I would be heavily relying
on that stick even if in the morning
I wasn't super relying on it.
I would be walking along
and I would realise I needed something
and I needed two hands to do it.
And I could very easily just take the stick,
tuck it under my arm, carry on walking
and do the thing with two things
but I didn't want anyone to see me doing that
because then I was afraid that people would be thinking,
why has she got a stick?
She's not really disabled, look she can clearly walk
and so I would just stop, do the thing and then keep going
and it would just make everything slower.
I would get places so much slower,
even though I was super slow walker anyway.
I just, I just had these people's voices in my head.
These hypothetical people being like,
oh well look at her walking without needing the stick.
Like why does she have that stick?
She's fake disabled.
What is fake disabled?
I don't know, is that something that any of you
think about because there are so many people out there
who don't need their mobility aids
all of the time, constantly.
And I know that yet still, when it comes to me
I feel like I have to be putting on a show constantly
of needing it.
Otherwise people will question if I really need that seat
or if I don't know, I really am allowed access to XYZ.
One of the other reasons why I would stop using it
and switch to this is that I felt like
once I was getting stronger and better at walking,
if I then used the stick, mentally I would feel like
I needed it more and then I would walk worse.
Does that make sense?
If I didn't have the stick, I'd be like walk, walk, walk
this is great and then on the same day
with the stick, I would like hunch, I would walk slower.
Basically there just got to a point
where it just wasn't useful anymore
and it was actually hindering my recovery I guess.
But then I still, I still needed these
because I still needed to sit down on the Tube.
Oh, I have a story about a creepy guy.
I mean, like this is,
this is just like annoyingly standard city life.
So you know sometimes you get the men
who just randomly catcall.
Other times you get the men who just like walk alongside you
and just start talking to you
and just keep following you and walking alongside you
until you are like super firm with them
and you're just F off.
With this guy, the thing that made him eventually turn away
was me being, I have a boyfriend.
Which is something that I would just say
even when I didn't have a boyfriend.
It's just like literally the only thing that often
makes them leave.
So this is something that I've experienced before
but this time around with my stick
I just felt so much more vulnerable
because I couldn't speed up.
This was quite early days when I really needed the stick
and I was quite slow.
He was just like walking alongside me,
asking me all these questions like my name,
asking me for my number, asking me where I lived,
stop it, stop it and I just felt like,
I can't speed up to get rid of this guy.
I was walking so slow.
I mean, I could hit him with it.
But I wasn't gonna do that.
Also when I was out and about with the stick,
I would get more strangers talking to me
and commenting on it but most of the time
it was either compliments or people asking,
people asking, what did I do to my leg.
And I'm like, it's not my leg.
And also most of the time, the only other people
that I would pass on the streets
who also had walking sticks were old people
and I wanted to like have a little nod with them
just like, hey, 'sup?
But no, none of them, none of them ever looked at me
so that I could be like, hey.
Hey, you know, look at this, both of us with our stick.
So there's my experiences as a young person
using a walking stick in public, more specifically London.
I just want you to know that if you are a young person
who needs a walking stick there's seriously
nothing to be ashamed of.
Nothing, nothing, and if anyone tells you otherwise
just hit them with your stick.
Don't do that, I don't condone that.
Thank you for watching this video.
Please do give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it
and I would love to hear from you
if you are also a young person
or any aged person who uses a mobility aid
and how that works for you in public
and how you feel about that and maybe if you've had
any similar experiences to me.
Don't forget to subscribe because I make new videos
every week and I'll see you soon, bye.
(upbeat music)