We're back with Chelsea Handler.
Everyone knows how honest you are,
so we're going to play a game.
I'm going to read a sentence and you have to fill in the blank.
We're calling it Chelsea Blanking Handler.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
OK.
Here we go.
Ready?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready.
OK, well calm down about it.
Estoy lista is how you say it in España.
I know you were trying to speak Spanish earlier.
OK, well.
Number one.
The last celebrity to slide into my DMs was--
Oh, last celebrity to slide into my DMs?
I think Kristen Bell because she was thanking me
for posting something about Hello Bello or something,
or hearted it.
Isn't she the best?
Yeah, she's pretty sunny.
I would have to say, she's like a Sunny Delight.
Yeah.
She comes from a really good place.
Whoa.
Yeah, wow.
Wow.
Sounds like it's been a long week, huh?
It's been a long day, right?
Yeah.
OK, number two.
If I were to name a strain of marijuana after my love life,
it would be--
Hit me baby one more time.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh my God.
I'll take a puff of that.
It's number three.
Sometimes I call my lady bits--
"Pikachu."
But that's a family name and it's not-- it's just the area.
It's not, like, the bits.
It's just, that's your "Pikachu" for girls.
And for boys, it's a "bichuki."
A "bichuki."
When we were growing up, if it was a little ding dong,
it was a "bichuki," and the other one was a "Pikachu".
And then, you know, tushy.
So just very banal words because--
you know.
And I like it.
I've taken it into adulthood and I'm trying
to spread that information.
Well there's no bigger platform than now.
It's wonderful.
Everybody write it down.
You might think "Pikachu" has to do with Pokemon,
but you're wrong.
"Pikachu" That's probably--
Yeah, it's like hey, "Pikachu," ding dong.
Guess who's back?
It's me again.
Yeah, yeah.
And did you think of those names?
No, my parents did.
Oh, that makes sense.
If I were in art school and got to sculpt a male celebrity,
it would be--
A male celebrity?
Well, I mean, not you.
God, who would be a good male celebrity?
Maybe Orlando Bloom?
He would be a good sculpture, don't you think?
OK.
He's so cute and he's fun.
And now a natural follow-up question, why not me?
Well you're not my type.
OK.
You know.
I mean, we're not-- you know-- that guy.
I don't know what goes where.
No, you don't.
All right.
The craziest place I've ever had sex is--
Outside a cemetery.
In my defense, I was at a funeral.
I'm just kidding.
[LAUGHTER]
I wasn't at a funeral.
Yes I was.
Well, listen.
You woke the dead, I'm sure.
Oh my God, is that true?
Something happened at a cemetery.
I don't know if it was full throttle, but yeah.
Something definitely went down there,
and that's the first thing I thought of.
So yes, I think so.
OK, well.
The last illegal thing I did was-- well
this could be an hour answer.
Well that's always, yeah.
I mean, I'm always on the fence of illegal and legal.
So I don't really know what the rules are.
And I also have no boundaries of my own, so it's hard for me
to respect others, in terms of rules and laws.
But as with everybody else, I'm learning
that you need to keep your hands to yourself.
And your comments, most of the time.
Wow.
Yeah, you're hurting people's feelings
when you're not thoughtful and you're not considerate.
So I've been learning a lot about that recently
and it's kind of like, oh, what's
going to happen to my personality?
But it's fun to kind of combine the two.
You can take your edge and you can
take the kindness and the gentleness and combine the two,
and just be a little bit better.
OK, just maybe shorter answers.
So the next one is, my therapist always tells me--
To stop talking.
He's always like, sit with that, sit with that, stop.
And I'm like, and now what?
He's like, just zip, just sit, and don't talk.
So that was a big thing.
It's hard because you want to dance around things
that are hard to talk about.
So it's easy that we even find those habits.
I'm sorry, I know you want me to keep my answers short.
So I just don't know what to say anymore.
I don't know how to defend myself.
No, it's wonderful.
Actually, you're a dream guest because a lot of people
are like, yes, no.
Yes, no.
Yeah, well, I wish you were a dream host.
What about that comment about keeping mean things inside?
Yeah, you're right, you're right.
Look, it's work work in progress.
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
That's hilarious.
All right.
You can see it right here, live on Ellen.
The one place you would never find me naked is--
God.
I mean, probably in the bath.
I don't take baths, so that's the last place I'm going.
That's hilarious.
I don't take baths either.
It's too much work.
It's too hot.
I don't like the heat.
OK, one more.
I'm getting one more and there's 18 left.
Why don't I get to ask you any questions about yourself?
Sure.
OK.
We stopped with the bottom one.
OK.
OK, someone who I think could benefit from taking an edible
is--
Oh my God.
Oh, come on.
I know
Honestly.
This is why I'm the host.
OK, my answer to that is you.
You would benefit from an edible.
Next up.
I wish people would stop asking me--
Blank.
--if I'm sure that I don't want to be a mother.
Oh, I thought we were--
OK.
Oh, no.
I went back to interviewing myself.
I wish people would stop asking me to answer my own questions?
[LAUGHTER]
All right, anyway.
I think we're done.
OK, if I were-- hold on, we have number 11.
This is the last one.
If I were gay, I would like to go out with--
Oh.
God.
Yeah--
Kristen Bell?
Sure, Kristen Bell.
OK, great.
For more updates on Chelsea, you can head to ChelseaHandler.com.
We'll be right back.