Work is an integeral part of the American identity.
When you meet someone at a party,
the first question is always, "What do you do?"
I used to lie to people when I was younger
'cause I didn't want people to know that I was an amateur comedian,
so I'd tell them that I was a giraffe keeper at the zoo.
Did you know that the giraffe tongue is so strong,
it can actually tear the flesh off the human body?
That's why there's no lesbian giraffes.
Also, they don't make sensible pants for four legs.
So why is America so focused on work,
and does that focus on work... work?
Let's find out in our segment
"America, You're Doing It Wrong."
We're not doing songs a--? Okay.
Uh, the country's obsession with hard work dates back
to these Bible-thumping buckle-headed [bleep]
who invented the Protestant work ethic.
Why is it called a work ethic?
Work isn't inherently ethical.
You can be a very hardworking human trafficker,
and no one's going to say, "Gotta hand it to Nikola.
Up at the crack of dawn every morning
stuffing young women into shipping containers.
Ah, you think they're not gonna get in,
but he always makes them fit.
He has good ethics."
But hard work just for the sake of working hard is stupid.
You know we're all dead at the end of this, right?
And it's not like hard work is quality work.
Woman: Compared to other highly industrialized nations,
the United States has one of the longest average workweeks.
According to several studies, increased work hours
tend to have an adverse effect on productivity.
If you work less, you'll be more productive.
I've been trying to tell that to Comedy Central,
but they say they don't have monthly shows.
The 40-hour workweek is making us less productive
and it's ruining our personal lives.
Woman: The average American age 25 to 54
with at least one child
spends nearly nine hours a day engaged in work,
less than 3 hours for leisure,
and a pathetic 1.2 caring for others.
Perhaps the most stunning part
of our insanely intense work culture
is that this country does not require companies
to offer parental leave.
Parental leave in the U.S. is so bad,
they've stopped doing Lamaze classes
and just started to teach women how to not let contractions
disrupt their presentation.
"And as you can see, we're doing much better
in the fo-OOURRTH quart--
Ahh...ahh...ah."
Obviously, that's a joke.
In my experience, childbirth is easy.
[ Laughter ]
America, you're doing it wrong.
It's time to rethink the way we work,
because happy workers are better workers.
And companies around the world
are experimenting with a four-day workweek.
At a New Zealand based financial-services firm
called Perpetual Guardian, starting next month,
they will be implementing a permanent four-day workweek
after a successful trial this past spring.
Stress levels during that time were reduced by 7%.
78% of employees said
that they could manage their work-life balance better,
And social-media surfing dropped by 35%.
Okay, okay, I support a four-day workweek.
But a financial-services firm in New Zealand?
How much work do they really have?
They only got about five dollars in the entire country.
It's just like, "Oh, Kevin's got some money, bro."
"Oh, no. I've heard that Dave's also got some money."
"Oh, we should -- we should put all the pebbles together
and put them in a big heap, bro."
"Oh, I like that, bro.
Uh, what is four pebbles plus four pebbles?"
"That would be six, bro. Six."
[ Laughter ]
Pebbles are their currency because they're inbred.
[ Laughter ]
The way Americans overwork themselves is ludicrous.
Pretty much every other industrialized country
gives employees four weeks vacation.
Germany has one of the most generous
vacation policies in the world, and they give up to eight weeks,
and they're the ones who lost the war.
[ Laughter ]
Though I'm okay with that, to be honest, you know?
We should encourage the Germans to stay relaxed.
We've seen what happens when they get a little uptight.
[ Laughter ]
You might say they got a little bit too much done.
I think America should implement a four-day workweek,
but you won't because it goes against the American idea
that if you're not killing yourself at work,
you're doing something wrong.
But I have an alternative suggestion.
Just add an extra day to the end of the week.
Then you can work your precious 40 hours
and still get a three-day weekend.
There'd still be 365 days in the year,
but since the weeks are longer, we'd need fewer months.
Obviously we're gonna keep October and December,
because they've got the best holidays.
We'll just get rid of March.
[Bleep] March! Nobody likes March!
The -- The only good day in March is St. Patrick's Day.
But here's the best bit.
When it's an 8-day week, we'll make one day every week
St. Patrick's Day, so you'll always get it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Also, I'm getting rid of 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m.
Instead, 12:00 a.m. to 1:00 a.m. will now take three hours.
That way, you'll always leave a party just after midnight.
Sure, it will [bleep] over some shift workers,
but you chose to become a nurse.
So, there you have it. Jim's 8-day week.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now that Beatles song makes sense.
"Yellow Submarine."