it's clinton in this video I'm going to
talk about why it is important to take
space from your partner after a breakup
so in many different programs around
saving your relationship and reconciling
with your ex there is this general rule
of thumb that you should do something
called a no-contact and no contact is
the concept of after you've been broken
up with you stop all communication with
your axe you bow out of their life
completely for at least 21 days to a
month and one of the questions I get
from a lot of clients that I work with
who are going through breakups who are
either trying to get back on their feet
move on or whether they're trying to go
back and save the relationship is gonna
do i really need to do that and you know
i'm backing away from them and I'm just
wondering if they're missing me and I'm
really worried about whether they're
going to forget me or not
and the problem with those questions is
that they're focused on a inefficient or
ineffective area of the relationship
what they're focused on is how the other
person is going to be reacting rather
than where it really matters which is
how is your perspective going to be
shifting by following through with
taking space from this person so I'm
going to talk a little bit about the
importance of shifting your perspective
by pushing away from your partner after
they've made a decision to leave you
so number one it's not really for them
it's not really for them so they miss
you
that's that's one aspect of it okay
that's one component but what it really
is for is for you to get perspective so
when you are able to get perspective
from one yourself in the relationship
with your ex to the relationship in
general you will have more flexibility
around how you enter back into the
situation emotionally so what that means
and why this is so important to get is
that when you actually respect
your partner's decision to break up
which is essentially what you're doing
when you walk away is you are honoring
their decision you are communicating
you're communicating your strength
you're communicating your resolve you're
communicating that you respect their
word and you're honoring their decision
and you're communicating that you will
you know and believe that you are strong
enough to be on your own
which by the way are questions that they
your partner is asking
regardless of whether they are saying
them out loud or not
ok so one of the questions I get from a
lot of people they say okay well how
would I prove that I'm strong enough how
I proved that I changed and have become
a better person if i'm not in contact
with them
well the deal is no matter what you are
doing you are always communicating so
regardless of whether you are in directc
contact with them
the fact that you are either in or out
of their life you are communicating to
them so your silence speaks more about
who you are in your character then you
going back and trying to say a bunch of
things about the things that you're
doing would ever do
ok so the perspective is really
important for you so what that means is
if you look at it through this lens it
means that it's really important for you
to take advantage of this time part
meaning that you are journaling maybe
you're hiring a coach you're getting
someone to help hold the mirror up to
you so you can see who you have been
being in the relationship that you've
been too close to see otherwise you know
oftentimes that happens in relationships
we get emotionally invested in them and
we start acting on a certain way and
because you're on the plainfield you
don't have the same perspective as
somebody who does who's maybe watching
it from the box right looking down at
the field who sees all of the movements
as the unfolding so getting outside help
can really put jet fuel and help your
growth exponentially over
the course of three weeks so start
journaling maybe take up a sport start
doing yoga start meditating start
reading books on relationships hire a
coach go to a therapist get your get the
perspective that you need to really feel
like you are able to land on your own
two feet and that you are strong enough
to be on your own because from that
position when you go back and if you go
back and if you really decide that this
relationship is something worth saving
that there's something valuable enough
to at least go back and try one more
time you can you can make the decision
from a balanced perspective one of
strength and power rather than one of
feeling completely off-balance and
off-kilter wanting them to solve a
crisis an emotional crisis that you are
having by taking you back
click on the link below subscribe to the
newsletter I'd love to hear about your
situation and i work with people in
going through these types of situations
all the time so i have seen it all
there's a lot of different unique
situation that people bring the table
and there's patterns of the things that
work and the things that don't and your
ability to get what you want out of this
situation is going to be largely
determined by your emotional state and
how fast and how efficiently you can get
to a place of feeling like you've got
yourself back feeling like you are
empowered feeling like you are detached
from the outcome but you are committed
to yourself
so thanks for listening I hope you got
value from this and talk to you soon