Hello there and welcome to Conan O'Brien
Needs A Friend, I'm Conan, it's probably obvious
and I'm joined as always (chuckles).
(Sona laughs)
If that's not obvious by now, something's wrong,
joined by Sona Movsesian, hey Sona.
Hi.
OK, this isn't a morning show, a morning drive time show.
Sorry.
It has all the ingredients though.
Yeah, it sure does, we're doing some weather
and traffic in just a minute,
Matt Gourley also joining us, hey Matt.
Hey.
(laughs)
You know what'd be great is if we did use
part of the budget to rent a helicopter,
you know like the way someone else would talk
about traffic patterns and what's happening
and we have a helicopter and it's flying around
but it's serving no function on the podcast.
(chuckles) What's it doing?
It's just every now and then I'm checking
in with the Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend chopper.
(Matt whirs)
You know and I'm just like hey
Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend Chopper,
you know we got, Aaron Bleyaert's up there,
hey Aaron, Aaron, you can come on mic.
Hey everyone, what's going on?
And what we'd do is we'd put,
you'd be in a chopper and you'd be flying
around Los Angeles and we'd just be checking
in with you every now and then and it's a podcast
so people listen to it either now
or six months from now or they never listen to it.
No, they're checking in on the web traffic.
Yeah, how's the web traffic, Bley?
Metrics are high and the ones and zeroes
are looking pretty good but I think we got
a hold up on the packets coming from Netscape.
Nice, all right. (Matt laughs)
Jesus.
That was pretty good, that was pretty good.
So if he's not commenting at all
on what he's seeing in the helicopter--
No, no, the helicopter--
He's looking at a computer.
Sona please, I can't be more clear about this,
the helicopter serves no function
and I want, when we play this,
I want there to be helicopter noise,
ambient helicopter noise around Bley--
You got it.
So you know exactly what it's like
and I just uh, hey check in now
with the Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend
chopper again, my man Bley up in the chopper,
that's our own chopper that we bought,
that used to be, the chopper was formerly used
in Operation Desert Storm, we purchased it
we purchased it for 1.6 million dollars,
we painted the Conan logo on the side
and Aaron Bleyaert is now high above Los Angeles
over by the 101 freeway, how are the downloads going?
The downloads are going great,
our router's running pretty hot over here,
Cat 5 cable's a little bit of a mess,
you can expect to slow down until mid morning.
OK, thank you very much for that Aaron Bleyaert,
we call him the Bley man up in the chopper.
Rotor Bley.
Yeah (laughs).
Can I, I have to go to the bathroom,
can I come down from the chop?
No. No.
OK, OK.
We put a coffee can up there for a reason.
It's been a long time.
No, no. That is a coffee can
that has a specific purpose in mind.
Very hot. OK, we'll be
checking in-- Wait, can I ask
him about what he's seeing, can I be like
hey how's the weather up there in the chopper?
No because that actually then,
that gives there to be, that gives there to be,
great job, Conan, I think it's chopper
fumes that I'm high on, that means that
there's some purpose to the chopper--
Oh, OK. And it's important
that the chopper have no purpose
so even if Bley said clear skies
and people hear that when they listen
to this episode seven months after it drops--
Yeah. Because they're on
a long car trip and their favorite podcast
doesn't have a new, (chuckles)
doesn't have a new drop then I don't even
want them to know what the weather
was like today, it's got to be useless information.
Sona, why can't you get your head wrapped around this?
I'm sorry, I just-- Perfect concept.
Hey, can you fix it, can you fix it Matt
so that Sona's in a mini sub right now?
Absolutely.
What?
Some sonar noises.
Yeah sonar and reverb.
Of course for this episode, Sona is in a small,
this is a repurposed 1959 Korean mini sub--
Uh-huh.
That we purchased from the Korean
Government, that's South Korean--
Yeah.
We tried to get a North Korean one,
they are not, I guess it's illegal
for us to trade with them, anyway,
Sona, how's it going, you are now,
it says here you are 35 leagues under the sea--
Yeah.
In the Pacific Ocean off the Island of Moratu,
I believe I just made up that island,
what's up Sona, what do you see?
(submarine beeps) Uh, I just see
a lot of water and it's really cool and a little moist.
OK, very good.
Yeah, I don't know, I'm not very good at being in a sub--
Well.
I don't know what to tell you.
Then clearly I don't know why you volunteered
to man the mini sub if you now have confessed
to us you are not very good at being in a sub.
I didn't, I did not volunteer, you made me go down here.
Bad, bad improv to deny what I just laid out.
Yeah, I, I-- That could cause
damage to your sub, always yes and Sona,
always yes and, that's the first thing
you learn when you join the Navy,
yes and so let's try that again.
OK.
Sona, you've clearly been drinking a lot--
Yes, and-- In the mini sub,
what kind of alcohol have you been drinking?
Yes, and I had some, you know
I had a couple Martinis down here, yes and.
We call, yes, just say tee many martoonies ociffer.
I had tee many martoonies.
I had tee many martoonies ociffer,
that's the old joke and it works
even so far under the Pacific Ocean.
Yes. The surface
of the Pacific Ocean, anyway--
And. Back to our chopper now,
Aaron, tell us, you're up in the chopper,
very expensive chopper, I love saying chopper,
Aaron Bleyaert up there in the chopper
right now tell us what do you got for us
in the Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend podcast chopper today?
Seeing a lot of pixelation in the GIFs, JPEGs
and the PNGs but if you're going to be
downloading stuff make sure it's in RAW format
because that's going to get you the quality you need.
Yeah, that's the kind of information
that you need a helicopter to provide.
(Aaron chuckles)
And Sona of course doing her best--
Yeah. From now it says--
(laughs) Doing her best.
Doing her best, it says you are 122
mautical, mautical, nautical, mautical miles--
Yes.
I don't know what my problem is today.
Monocle niles and too tee many tortinis.
Oh my God. Officer.
Yes and I am in this submarine
and it is, I am exploring shipwrecks.
Sona, you are taking on water very quickly,
your sub is-- Yes, and
I forgot how to swim. (Conan and Matt laugh)
Sona, for improv you don't say yes and
in every sentence, it's going,
the spirit of yes and but you don't say yes and,
that's terrible improv in it's own way.
Uh, OK, all right, I am taking on water,
I don't, I wish I brought scuba equipment
instead of these Martini glasses.
Yes and that would have been a good idea.
Yes. See, doesn't quite work.
No. Yes and
let's get this show started. (Conan chuckles)
Yes and.
Yeah, I'm going to have quality control
experts come and check the quality
of this podcast open, I do, I do fear--
Oh no.
What if Bley was in a real chopper
and we were doing this conceptual bit
about how the chopper was unnecessary
and then Bley crashed in that chopper?
That would just be terrible and I had to--
(chuckles) Don't make that joke.
No, no, no, he's not in a real chopper,
I can make that joke but what I'm saying
is I would hate to have to tell his family,
they'd be like why, why was our son in a chopper?
He didn't have to be in a chopper,
that's what was so funny about it. (chuckles)
Why did you put me in a submarine
and then actually ask me about what I was seeing
in the submarine, I mean I don't know
why he can have a useless helicopter
but I need to actually pay attention in my submarine?
Also what the fuck is going on?
(Sona and Matt and Aaron laugh)
This is, I invite anyone to edit this open
into something that makes some semblance of sense.
No.
Yes, go ahead anyone out there listening,
you feel free to edit this together
to either A, make more sense, or B, make less sense
and then send it in, we'll let you know how you did.