FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING COMEDIAN WHO
CREATED "THE OFFICE" AND "EXTRAS."
YOU CAN HEAR HIM EVERY WEEK ON SIRIUS RADIO.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," RICKY GERVAIS.
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THIS.
>> Stephen: LOVELY.
YEAH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S AMAZING.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S-- THAT'S-- >> Stephen: DELIGHTFUL.
>> DON'T EDIT THAT AT ALL.
>> Stephen: OH, NO.
>> THAT'S-- THAT'S THE NICEST WELCOME I'VE EVER HAD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S-- THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.
WHAT'S KEPT YOU AWAY?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
>> GETTING FATTER AND OLDER?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: HOW'S THE HEALTH?
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> WELL, IT'S JUST SLIGHTLY WORSE EVERY TIME, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE NOW.
I'M CLOSER-- CLOSER TO DEATH.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: KEEP IT LIGHT.
KEEP IT LIGHT.
DO YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH A LOT?
>> NO, I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT DYING!
>> NO, I DON'T CARE ABOUT BEING DEAD BECAUSE I WON'T KNOW ABOUT
IT GR YOU DON'T KNOW-- >> THAT IS BEST THING ABOUT DEEG
DEADUE DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
IT'S LIKE BEING STUPID-- IT'S ONLY PAINFUL FOR OTHERS.
SO I DON'T -- >> Stephen: I GUESS SO.
I GUESS SO.
I'LL BUY THAT.
>> MAYBE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, MAYBE.
>> WE DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW.
ARE YOU-- >> I MIGHT KNOW.
YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: IF YOU WERE DYING.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU TELL PEOPLE, LIKE, SOME PEOPLE WHO
ARE DYING TELL PEOPLE.
AND OTHERS JUST SORT OF-- SOME PEOPLE, QUITE FAMOUSLY TELL NO
ONE, AND THE NEXT MOMENT THEY'RE GONE.
WOULD YOU TELL PEOPLE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
THAT IS MY-- THAT IS MY WORST FEAR KNOWING WHEN I'M GOING TO
DIE.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT DYING-- WELL, DEPENDING ON HOW YOU DIE.
I DON'T WANT TO -- >> Stephen: FALL FACE-FIRST
INTO A WOOD CHIPPER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
OR LAND ON A SPIKE.
IT JUST COMES...
( LAUGHTER )
WHAT-- ARE YOU JAZZ HANDS?
( LAUGHTER )
>> YEAR, THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
YEAH!
NO, NO.
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT JUST KNOWING, YOU KNOW-- I DON'T --
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T-- >> I'VE TOLD ALL MY FAMILY
INDIVIDUALLY, SECRETLY, I'VE TOLD THEM THAT I'M GOING TO
LEAVE THEM ALL MY MONEY.
( LAUGHTER )
>> EACH OF THEM YEAR, INDIVIDUALLY, BUT TO KEEP IT
QUIET UNTIL THE FUNERAL, AND THEN I'M NOT GOING TO DO A WILL.
IT'S GOING TO BE A (BLEEP) BLOODBATH.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SAY THAT, RIGHT?
YOU CAN SAY THAT.
THAT WILL BE FINE.
( LAUGHTER )
YOUR OUTLOOK TOWARDS DEATH AS STOIC?
>> I JUST THINK THERE'S NO CHOICE.
I CAN'T-- YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT IT.
WE ARE GOING TO DIE.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
>> Stephen: IS THAT A BRITISH OUTLOOK, PARTICULARLY BRITISH.
>> I DON'T THINK SO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I THINK MOST PEOPLE IN BRITAIN-- I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
I-- I LOVE LIVING!
IT'S BRILLIANT!
IT'S THE BEST THING EVER.
RIGHT?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YEAH.
SOMETHING INSTEAD OF NOTHING IS DEFINITELY BETTER.
>> EXACTLY.
BUT I MEAN-- AND I THINK PEOPLE ON TWITTER THEY KNOW I'M AN
ATHEIST AND THEY SAY THINGS LIKE, "WHAT WAS IT LIKE AFTER
YOU DIE?" AND I SAID, "WHAT WAS LIKE THE
13.5 BILLION YEARS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN?
I THINK IT'S LIKE THAT."
I THINK IT'S LIKE TOURISTS.
WE DIDN'T EXIST FOR 13.5 BILLION YEARS, THEN WE HAVE 80, 90
YEARS, IF WE'RE LICKY AND WE GO BACK TO NEVER EXISTING AGAIN SO
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT.
IT'S AMAZE, LIFE.
IT'S BRILLIANT.
THERE'S SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: I LIKE THE BEFORE WE WERE HERE THE SAME AS AFTER
WE'RE HERE.
OH, THAT'S INTERESTING.
SO YOU SAY YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.
STILL AN ATHEIST?
HAS THAT SOFTENED IN ANY WAY, YOUR 80ISM.
>> I ONLY BELIEVE IN THREE OR FOUR GOD.
NO.
>> Stephen: AS YOU APPROACH YOUR FINAL BOARDS AS THEY SAY,
YOU DON'T SAY, MAY MAYBE I'LL HEDGE MY BETS AND LIGHT A
CANDLE."
JUST IN CASE.
LIKE PASCALL'S WAGER.
>> PEOPLE SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU PRAY JUST IN CASE THERE'S A
GOD."
AND I SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU HANG GARLIC OVER YOUR DOOR IN CASE
THERE'S A DRACULA."
I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH PRAYING --
>> Stephen: IF 95% OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA BELIEVED THERE WAS A
DRACULA, I MIGHT HANG A GARLIC ON MY DOOR.
IT'S NOT-- IT'S NOT THE SAME.
>> EXACTLY.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CREDIBILITY OF THE TRUTH.
HAS TO DO WITH THE PLAFORT IDEA.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, BECAUSE THE MAJORITY IS ALWAYS SANE.
>> WELL, EXACTLY, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE HERD INSTINCT.
>> IMAGINE IF YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD TO BELIEVE
IN GOD, IT WOULD BE ODD, WOULDN'T IT?
>> Stephen: WELL, I WOULD BE COMMITTED.
I WOULD BE COMMITTED TO AN INSANE ASYLUM.
>> AND THAT'S YOU SAYING, THAT NOT ME.
YOU DO BELIEVE IN GOD.
>> Stephen: I DO BELIEVE IN GOD, YEAH.
>> EXACTLY.
EXACTLY THAT.
IT'S-- AND THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT GOD TO BELIEVE IN.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
IF YOU HAD TO PICK A GOD...
( LAUGHTER )
HAS TO BE ONE THAT PEOPLE WORSHIP.
YOU CAN'T SAY STAN LEE.
IF YOU HAD TO PICK A GOD, WHO WOULD YOU PICK?
>> THORPE.
( APPLAUSE )
PICK STAN LEE.
SO WHY THOR?
>> BIG HAMMER.
>> Stephen: IS THERE ANY PART OF THE JESUS STORY THAT YOU
LIKE?
>> I LOVE JESUS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT.
I GREW UP, I WAS CHRISTIAN UNTIL I WAS ABOUT EIGHT.
>> Stephen: EIGHT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY EARLY TO TOSS OUT THE BABY JESUS
WITH THE BATH WATER.
WHAT-- WHAT-- WHAT TURNED YOU AROUND THERE, KID?
>> I REMEMBER I WAS DOING BIBLE STUDIES AND MY BROTHER CAME IN,
HE WAS OLDER THAN ME, HE WAS ABOUT 11 YEARS OLDER THAN ME,
AND HE SAID, "WHY DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?"
AND MY MOM WENT, "BOB."
AND I KNEW SHE WAS STOPPING HIM TELLING ME SOMETHING.
AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND WITHIN ABOUT AN HOUR, THAT'S HOW
IT WORKED OUT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S-- OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> NO, I-- I LIKE THE IDEA OF IT.
I LOVE THE IDEA OF THEM, YOU KNOW, JESUS --
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE SERMON ON THE MOUNT.
>> I LIKE JESUS, NOT BECAUSE HE WAS HALF-GOD OR WHITEWATER?
>> Stephen: HALF GOD.
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW, DO I?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT WAS HE, ALL GOD, WASN'T HE.
>> Stephen: GOD FROM GOD, LIGHT FROM LIGHT.
IT'S JUST A-- IT'S JUST A PARLOR TRICK.
IT'S JUST A PARLOR TRICK.
IT'S A CROWD PLEASER.
I DO THE NICEAN CREED TO WARM UP THE AUDIENCE EVERY NIGHT.
WE'LL DO CONFESSION OF FAITH AND EVERYTHING.
>> I LIKE THE IDEA OF IT.
I LIKE THE FACT HE WAS A KIND PERSON AND ALL THAT.
BUT AS GANDHI SAID, YOU KNOW, "I LIKE YOUR CHRIST.
I DO NOT LIKE YOUR CHRISTIANS.
THEY ARE SO UNLIKE YOUR CHRIST."
AND I THINK THE PROBLEM IS-- DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THOUGH?
>> Stephen: SURE.
I'M A CHRISTIAN.
I'M TOTALLY UN-CHIST LIKE.
>> THERE ARE GOOD AND BAD CHRISTIANS, AND THERE ARE GOOD
AND BAD ATHEISTS.
AND I THINK GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER YOU ARE GOOD OR
NOT.
>> Stephen: IF GOD DOESN'T GIVE YOU COMFORT, WHAT DOES?
>> DOGS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I-- I BELIEVE-- >> I BELIEVE IN DOGS.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOD SPELLED BACKWARDS.
>> DOGS ARE AMAZING.
DOGS ARE AMAZE AGO YEAH, EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: THEY ARE, THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
>> YEAH.
SAME AS-- SAME AS YOUR GUY.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
BACK, IT DOESN'T BURN YOU IN HELL.
IT STILL LOVES YOU.
IT LICKS YOU.
>> Stephen: IT MIGHT BE UPSET IF IT CAN TELL YOU DON'T LOVE
IT.
IT MIGHT JUST BE SAD.
>> A DOG-- A DOG LOVES YOU MORE THAN IT LOVES ITSELF.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AND THAT'S WHY I WORSHIP DOGS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW-- YOU HAVE A NEW-- YOU HAVE A
NEW-- NEW?
IS IT NEW THE SIRIUS SHOW?
>> NO, IT'S BEEN GOING FOR A WHILE.
IT'S ME CHATTING TO-- IT STARTED OFF WITH THE HIGHFALUTIN IDEAS
WHEN TALKING TO RICHARD DO,IN AND THE ASTRONOMERS AND IT'S ME
AND MY MATES.
>> Stephen: IT'S CALLED "DEADLY SIRIUS."
>> YES, AND IT'S ME AND A BUNCH OF COMEDIANS TALKING ABOUT THE
BIG ISSUES: WHY ARE WE HERE?
WHAT'S THE POINT?
>> Stephen: YOU TALK WITH PEOPLE YOU ENJOY TALKING WITH,
COMED EXPANSION ALL THAT.
>> YES, IT'S FUNNY.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE NEVER INVITED ME ON.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
NEXT TIME-- YOU ARE VERY OFTEN.
>> Stephen: HOW OFTEN DO YOU DO IT?
>> I DO ABOUT 30, 40 A YEAR, SO NEXT TIME --
>> Stephen: AND WHERE DO YOU DO IT?
>> I DO IT IN LONDON AND NEW YORK --
>> Stephen: I CAN'T DO IT.
>> I CAN TRAVEL.
I CAN DO IT IN NEW YORK.
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE IT COME ON.
>> WE'LL HAVE AN HOUR DEBATE ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE AND
WHY WE'RE HERE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
>> AND WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY DO 10 MINUTES HERE,
UNFORTUNATELY.
>> AND THAT'S GOING TO BE CUT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, WE'RE DEFINITELY TAKING OUT THE PART
WHERE THEY CHEER FOR YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
HIS SIRIUS RADIO SHOW IS CALLED "DEADLY SIRIUS." RICKY GERVAIS,
EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE NEW HOST OF "CBS THIS MORNING,"
BIANNA GOLODRYGA.