A LITTLE UPDATE FOR YOU NOW ON PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BEN
CARSON.
AS WE DISCUSSED YESTERDAY, IF YOU'VE BEEN RECENTLY MURDERED IN
MASS SHOOTING, CARSON HAS SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FOR YOU.
>> I WOULD NOT JUST STAND THERE AND LET THEM SHOOT ME.
I WOULD SAY, HEY, GUYS, EVERYBODY ATTACK THEM.
HE MAY SHOOT ME BUT HE CAN'T GET US ALL.
>> TAKE ACTION.
(LAUGHTER)
>> Trevor: THAT'S RIGHT.
(LAUGHTER)
HEY, GUYS, SHOW OF HANDS WHO'S IN FOR RUSHING THE GUNMAN.
ONE, TWO, THREE -- GUNMAN, HOLD ON, I'M COUNTING THE PEOPLE --
FOUR -- SUSAN, IS THAT A HAND?
PUT IT UP OR DOWN, SUSAN.
I NEED CLARITY, PLEASE.
NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK, WHAT DOES CARSON KNOW ABOUT
CONFRONTING A GUNMAN?
WELL, AS IT TURNS OUT, PLENTY.
>> HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE FACE OF DANGER?
>> I'VE HAD A GUN HELD ON ME WHEN I WAS IN A POPEYES
ORGANIZATION.
(LAUGHTER)
>> Trevor: NOT A POPEYES RESTAURANT, MIND YOU.
A POPEYES ORGANIZATION.
(LAUGHTER)
IN CASE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT, POPEYES IS A LITTLE KNOWN
CHARITY THAT GIVES OUT FRIED CHICKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR
MONEY.
LEARN HOW YOU CAN HELP AT PopeyesGivesBack.org.
ANYWAY, CONTINUE YOUR STORY, MR. CARSON.
>> A GUY COMES IN, PUTS A GUN IN MY RIBS, AND I JUST SAID, I
BELIEVE THAT YOU WANT THE GUY BEHIND THE COUNTER.
HE SAID, OH, OKAY.
>> YOU SAID, NO, I'M NOT THE ONE YOU WANT?
AND THEY FOLLOWED?
>> THEY DID.
(LAUGHTER)
>> Trevor: YEAH.
SO BEN COMES INTO A POPEYES CHICKEN, A GUY PULLS A GUN AND
BEN CARSON SAYS, DON'T SHOOT ME, SHOOT THE GUY BEHIND THE
COUNTER.
(LAUGHTER)
NOW, THIS PUTS A PERSPECTIVE ON MASS SHOOTINGS IN A WHOLE NEW
LIGHT.
HE SAYS HE WOULD TRY TO GET EVERYONE TO RUSH THE GUNMAN, BUT
I HAVE A FEELING IT WOULD BE MORE LIKE, HEY, GUYS, EVERYBODY
ATTACK HIM.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
NOW, THANKFULLY, "THE DAILY SHOW" MANAGED TO GET
SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE OF THE INCIDENT, COURTESY OF THE
POPEYES ORGANIZATION.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> HEARINGS MAN, THIS IS A STICK UP!
>> I BELIEVE THAT YOU WANT THE GUY BEHIND THE COUNTER.
>> OH, GOD!
HE'S GOT A GUN!
(GUNSHOTS)
HELP!
YOU!
THE ONE EATING THE CHICKEN!
OH, NO!
HE'S GOT A CHAINSAW!
(SCREAMING)
NOW'S THE TIME FOR SOMEONE TO BE A HERO!
ANYONE!
>> Trevor: YEAH, DON'T JUDGE HIM, WHAT'S THE GUY GOING TO DO?
LET THE CHICKEN GET COLD?
COME ON!
WHILE CARSON'S REMARKS LANDED HIM INTO HOT WATER --
(LAUGHTER)
-- HE STILL HAS A MAJOR SUPPORTER ALSO IN HOT WATER.
>> THIS MORNING TYCOON RUPERT MURDOCH IS UNDER FIRE FOR
A TWEET --
>> Trevor: OOH!
TWEETS!
(LAUGHTER)
RUPERT -- CAN I CALL YOU RUPERT?
LOOK, MAN, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE YOUNG AND CRAZY ON
TWITTER.
YOU START TO CRAVE THOSE FAVES AND YOU DON'T CARE HOW YOU GET
THEM.
BUT ONCE YOU'RE OLDER AND WISER, YOU HOPEFULLY STOP MAKING
MISTAKES LIKE THIS.
>> THIS WAS A LATE-NIGHT TWEET ABOUT DR. BEN CARSON AND IT HAS
IGNITED A FULL-BLOWN TWITTER FIRESTORM.
BEN AND CANDY CARSON, TERRIFIC.
WHAT ABOUT A REAL BLACK PRESIDENT WHO CAN PROPERLY
ADDRESS THE RACIAL DIVIDE AND MUCH ELSE?
>> Trevor: NOW, NO, GUYS, LET'S BE FAIR.
IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT.
MAYBE HE SUFFERS FROM INSOMNIA AND THE ONLY THING THAT CURES IT
IS VAGUELY RACIST TWEETING.
MAYBE HE WAS IN BED LIKE, WELL, I'VE COUNTED BACKWARDS FROM 100,
SIPPED WARM MILK, HERE GOES NOTHING -- WHY DO BOLIVIANS
SMELL LIKE SOUP?
THIS IS EYE OPENING.
THIS WHOLE TIME CONSERVATIVES HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF DISLIKING
OBAMA BECAUSE HE'S TOO BLACK.
NOW THE PROBLEM IS HE ISN'T BLACK ENOUGH -- WELL, AT LEAST
ACCORDING TO MY (BLEEP) RUPERT MURDOCH.
(AUDIENCE REACTS)
I REALLY HOPE THIS MAKES AN UPCOMING STANDUP SPECIAL.
THAT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE.
"HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED SOME BLACK PRESIDENTS VETO BILLS LIKE
THIS, BUT REAL BLACK PRESIDENTS VETO BILLS LIKE THIS?
CRIKEY DIGERIDOO, THE FELLOWS KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"