'The professor's gone mad, he's already ordered two of the Bruce Lee's to fight each other to fight to the death.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I am allowed to tell you this much; it covers Bruce Lee’
In 1973, Bruce Lee died of a cerebral oedema.
‘Hey that looks like… oh, you know’
and if these were his doctors, I can see why.
‘Nurse get me a syringe of adrenalin quickly’
That’s a cloth.
‘I agree with you, you’re right as usual’
On the wake of his death the Bruceplotation genre sprung up,
films with titles like "The True Game of Death", "Enter the Game of Death", "Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger",
"Re-Enter the Dragon" and "Enter Another Dragon".
'I only hope what we are attempting will work.;
This is The Clones of Bruce Lee, in which blood is taken from the late film star to produce 3 clones to be used as secret agents.
‘The clones of Bruce Lee – what a scientific achievement this will be’
All I need is a karaoke machine, a cute nurse and a beer helmet… '
'Yes sir.'
And...
‘Our subjects seems to be doing quite well, 3 Bruce Lees’
They don’t even look like each other, let alone Bruce Lee,
despite some slavish repetition of Lee’s more distinctive mannerisms.
‘Nancy, I really don’t trust that man’
And their training is undermined by the choice of music.
'Start the training'
#Knock off of Rocky theme#
If there was nothing more to this movie than the basic plot, we would still be mocking it,
but, unbelievably, it gets worse.
‘So be it’
Bruce 1, played by Dragon Lee, is not in the same training session as Bruces 2 and 3,
played by Bruce Le and Bruce Lai.
'Alright now, we will see what you two have learnt'
And it soon becomes apparent that Dragon Lee was on a different schedule, as he heads off alone.
‘And none too soon. Number 1’s 1st assignment will be to get Mr Chai Lo’
‘The producer?'
Going undercover as an actor to tackle an evil movie producer.
‘That film company of his is a front for a gold smuggling outfit’’
Who sets his best men on him.
'White Panther and Quick Tiger'
Oh, white men can’t fight.
‘Those 2 stupid idiots’
You’re the one who sent them in out without guns.
New plan.
‘We go ahead with the film as planned and shoot him in front of the camera’
That now looks tragically prescient, but here’s the actual attempt.
What happened to shooting him.
‘We have not time to lose now; kill!’
and making it look like an accident.
Bruce 1 chases down the bad guys.
‘He’s aboard. What’ll we do?’
Shoot him?
‘Get him’
So close.
‘Do not fear, he will die’
The other 2 Bruces have a more James Bond plotline.
‘Your mission is to eliminate a certain Dr Nai’
But how can they make the tone different?
‘Couldn’t you be a little more explicit?’
Sounds doable.
This seems to be part of a not so subtle product placement.
It lasts 3 minutes and has no bearing on the film.
‘Wow. Would you look at that’
Nudity is sprinkled through this mission.
‘Who are you? What are you doing in my bed?’
‘I was sent by a friend to entertain you, sorry if I embarrassed you’
Well that’s not suspicious at all.
‘One of Dr Nai’s women’
In the absence of Bruce 1, Bruces 2 and 3 are joined by secret agent Chuck Lee, played by Bruce Thai.
‘Hi, glad to see you’re both here’
Who seems just as good a fighter as the Bruces –
and I’m aware this is starting to sound like a Monty Python Sketch.
‘mmm good.'
They go after Dr Nai.
‘Who are they?’
‘No one has any idea. Although two of them fight like Bruce Lee’
Who has a secret weapon.
‘Turning human beings into metal – bronze’
Bronze huh? That’ll hurt when you punch them,
apparently not, but the metal men can tolerate the attack of the clones,
which is more than most people can do.
‘They are frightened of my steel men’
They were bronze a minute ago and are dispatched thanks to an odd propensity to eat poisonous leaves.
Mission complete the Bruces head home but mad Professor Lucas has turned to evil.
‘Only I can control them.
'But I only want one of them – the best one’
With one I could conquer the world! With three…
Look we just need a reason for them to fight, okay?
Look at that; all 3 together.
But they only fight one on one so they’re not onscreen together again until...
'Stop fighting, you've been freed'
'All the magnitaors have been cut, the professor has been trying to kill you, he's gone made.'
'He's not long capable of controlling you.'
They are saved by the nurses, but by the next shot...
'Would you tell them, they think I have gone craxy.'
Bruce 1 has vanished again.
In the entire movie they are together for 2 shots.
And the fight is definitely not worth waiting for.
Finally the showdown with Lucas. Bruce 3 is killed.
'So much for Bruce Lee number 3'
But 2 finishes the job.
Largely because the lab is made of plywood.
‘So much for them’
This film is in the worst possible taste, and clearly knows it.
‘We can capitalise for years on his death when this picture comes out’
But if you can get past that, you should watch, because it’s hilarious,
with 1 surprising caveat, given this film’s only selling point.
The fight scenes are kind of crap.
Thanks for watching. For more martial arts reviews, click here.
Bruceploitation is a recognised genre, so are there others we should review? Or will we never top this?
Let us know in the comments below.
'CUT! Good, print that.'