-Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"The Tonight Show." You're here. You made it.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching.
I am very excited about this.
One of the biggest stars in the world, Dwayne Johnson,
is on the show, tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I love when Dwayne is here because there's always a chance
that he pulls Kevin Hart out of his pocket.
It's just -- It's exciting.
[ Laughter ]
Yep, Dwayne will be out here in a little bit,
or sooner if he wants. I mean, who's going to stop him?
You know, he can do whatever he wants.
Let's get to some news first, guys.
Last night on CNN, President Biden sat down
for a prime-time interview with Jake Tapper.
At one point, Tapper asked the President whether his age is
a concern, and Biden said, "Not at all, Wolf."
[ Laughter ]
I think Biden is sick of this question because he responded,
"I'm so old, I remember when people watched CNN."
[ Laughter ]
I got a feeling they're not going to stop questioning
Biden's sharpness until he says,
"Person, woman, man, camera, TV."
[ Laughter ]
When they got to the topic of Russia, Biden said that
Vladimir Putin totally miscalculated
by invading Ukraine.
And I believe him because if there's one thing
Biden's an expert on, it's miscalculating.
-Let me start off with two words.
Made in America.
[ Laughter ]
-Close enough. Who cares? Two words.
[ Applause ]
Biden also said he has no intention of meeting with Putin
at next month's G20 summit.
Meanwhile, Trump and Putin are
planning a couple's Halloween costume.
"No, Donald, I'm the avocado. You're the toast."
[ Laughter ]
Tapper also asked Biden about the economy
and where it's headed.
Take a look at this.
-Should the American people prepare for a recession?
-No. Look, they've been saying this now how --
every six months they say this.
There's no guarantee that there's gonna be a rec--
I don't think there will be a recession.
If it is, it will be a very slight recession.
[ Laughter ]
-A slight recession? Yeah.
I wouldn't invite someone to a party
if you told me they had a smidge of COVID.
Do you know what I'm saying? [ Laughter ]
Just a little bit.
Some big entertainment news, guys.
Our good friend Blake Shelton, just announced that
after next season he's leaving "The Voice."
[ Audience aws ]
Yep, Blake is stepping away from his chair so he can go home
and spend more time in his chair.
[ Laughter ]
And finally, guys, there's a lot going on in the news right now,
but instead of me just telling you about it,
I thought it would be nice to give you the chance
to decide what we talk about.
That's right, it's time for "You Pick the Joke."
Here we go. -♪ Joke ♪
♪ You pick the joke ♪
-So, here's how it works. I'm going to show you two news
stories, then you guys get to pick which one we talk about.
Here we go. Let's take a look at story number one.
-Gas prices are on the rise in the U.S.
and could soon hit the national average of $4 a gallon.
-Mm. Here's story number two.
-A bizarre story out of Westmoreland County tonight.
-Police say a man took off all his clothes and started eating
vegetables out of people's backyard gardens.
[ Laughter ] -Alright.
Which story do you want to talk about, one or two?
-Two! -Two.
Okay, alright. Good choice.
That's right. -Oh, my God.
-A naked guy was in people's gardens eating their vegetables.
Homeowners were like, "Honey, is that a string bean
in the cucumber patch?" [ Laughter and applause ]
-That's nuts.
-Let's try another story up here. It's up to you.
Here's story number one.
-The Nobel Prize in economic sciences was awarded
to three U.S.-based economists.
-Alright. Here's story number two.
-There is new video of a failed robbery attempt
at a fast-food restaurant.
According to Houston police,
the suspect told the employees this was his first robbery.
He had a change of heart, and then he leaves empty-handed.
-Yeah. Want to talk about one or two?
-Two! -Great choice. That's right.
First-time robber changed his mind about the robbery.
He was like, "Give me all your money, or not!
Either way, I just hope we can be friends."
[ Laughter ] "I just want to be friends.
It's just -- We have a lot in common."
[ Applause ]
Alright. Let's do one last batch.
It's your choice. Here's story number one.
-There is a renewed possibility of a rail strike
after the country's third largest railroad union
rejected a labor deal.
-And here's story number two.
-A nursing home in Taiwan is apologizing after hiring
a stripper to perform for senior citizens.
-Want to talk about one or talk about story number two?
-Two! -Alright, perfect.
That's a great choice. That's right.
They brought in strippers to a nursing home.
The seniors loved it. It was the first time anyone
made it rain with nickels and pennies.
There you go. That was "You Pick the Joke."
We have a great show.