Jack, did you see that?
I was just in a real police station and this is much nicer.
Hey, Slater, it's your ex-wife on two.
You stay. She's always calling me.
Slater!
I got the city council chewing my eggs off for that plane you crashed!
I got the mayor scheduling parades, up my Lincoln tunnel
for that stunt you pulled on the beach!
Everybody wants to know, what it is, what it ain't and what it will be!
- Do I make myself clear? - I'm just doing my job.
You've given this department the worst reputation in the country.
Now I've got the Chamber of Commerce doing cartwheels in my cocoa factory.
Radcliff, you're pulling duty with the animated cat.
Hiya, toots.
- I'm getting a flea bath later. Join me? - You touch me again, fur ball...
- Wait! I can prove this is a movie. - Who the hell are you, kid?
Look out there, there's a cartoon cat.
He's supposed to be back on duty.
He was only suspended for a month. Now, shut up.
Listen to what I'm saying.
An animated cat just walked into the squad room. Hello.
He'll do it again tomorrow. So what's your point?
- That cat is one of the best men I got! - Yeah.
Now who is this twerp? And why is that smile on his face?
I just love the way you two fight,
knowing how you really feel about each other.
Pray tell, just how do I feel about this weird-looking sack of puppy poop?
You're dearest friends. After your wife left you for the circus midget
and Jack told everyone he drove her to New England to the diphtheria clinic.
When he came back, you said,
"You saved me from public humiliation, Jack.
"You're my dearest friend."
- And you promised me you wouldn't tell. - I didn't.
- Then how did he know? - Jack Slater I.
- What's winning got to do with this? - No! The very first Jack Slater.
You told your dad?
I didn't tell anyone. I don't even know this kid.
Well, he seems to know a lot about us.
You're going to love it, Jack. I mean, we're perfect buddy-movie material.
I'll teach you to be vulnerable, you'll teach me to be brave.
Hi. I'm Jack Slater's new partner.
Jack and I will be working together for the duration of the film.
You know I'm right.
If this was the real world, I mean, they wouldn't make me your partner.
They'd assign me to a social worker.
Here's one.
Tell me how I know they tortured Frank and then stashed him behind his front door.
Because I saw it all on screen, because this is a movie.
You're very clever. And the only reason why I'm not roaring with laughter
- Quick, where are the Schwarzenegger films? - Foreign films are in the back.
- No, action. This guy's an action star. - Down the center on the left.
No. It isn't possible.
What's not possible? He's fantastic. This is his best performance ever.
- But that was you. You were in that movie. - You were in a movie?
Yes. It was called The Girl ofMy Dreams.
It starred you.
As a matter of fact, we had this very romantic scene together.
- What's the phone number of this store? - 555-2310.
Okay. What's your home number?
That's okay. You can give it to him. I'm a police officer.
- 555-3812. - Amazing.
I'm willing to bet that everyone has a 555 number.
- So? - So...
There can only be 9,999 numbers that start with 555.
- How many people live in LA? - Eight or nine million.
That's why we have area codes.
- Is this your kid? - This? Oh, no.
This is a mental patient and I'm going to take him downtown. Come on.
Okay, I got one. What about this girl right here?
She is way too attractive to be working at a video store.
I agree with you. I think she should be working with us.
Undercover, of course.
Look, the point is there are no unattractive women here.
I mean, where are the ordinary, every-day women?
- They don't exist, because this is a movie. - No. This is California.
And by the way, thanks.
I think it was really slick, the way you got this girl's phone number.
Okay, Mr. Non-believer.