do you think things are going well for you in the hospital?
pretty much
not a whole lot to say about being here
how about telling me a little bit about the current problem that you have
at home?
what brings you to the hospital
well, first, family life has sort of depressed me
and
I just don't know the place you could start, and say this is the reason I'm here
I had, and still have fantasies
that I'm aware of now and I can cope with it a lot better than I could
and
these...when I first came here they were extremely vivid fantasies
they seemed real to me, now they don't seem so real any more
can you tell me about the fantasies?
yeah, well basically, they were the color gray
and whenever I was faced with a dilemma
I'd lapse into this sort of a, grey dream
and
which is accompanied with passing out, and then I'd hear voices while I was passed out
the voices didn't resemble anyone I've ever known before's voice
and
they would speak to me and tell me different things, like...
they'd tell me to keep believing in them
their way of doing things
that escaping through this was right
when I got up here
it seemed sort of ridiculous to keep referring to them, to keep going back
they got violent for about a week, and would be able to control what I was doing
for 5 or 10 minutes at a time
and
then I came out of this and was completely out of my mind
having grey images for a good two three weeks now
still basically my problem is sexual wise
it's giving me a lot of problems and it frustrates me a great deal
does this continue to bother you at this point?
still does
can you tell me a little bit about it?
well
for about...well since I was in about the seventh grade
I never was extremely comfortable around girls, and more so with my own same sex
and
it developed into sort of a bisexual arrangement
and
while I was comfortable with both sexes, and I have had relations with both sexes
and
this still irritated and bothered me a great deal
there's a great amount of guilt involved
and
one time
one of the boys I had relations with
decide that he hadn't done so much on his part to provoke the incident
and he went around and told a couple of people about it, and I was branded pretty much as a homosexual
and
well, see my catholic school knew about it, because I was constantly poked at an irritated
and
then I thought the only way out was possibly to leave, to just get as much money as I could and go somewhere
and at this time I didn't think my parents knew about it
but they went down to the bus station just before my bus left for New Orleans
my mom came driving up, because one of my friends had called and told her what was going on
and this seemed even worse than before
that my parents should know about it, that they should be faced with the same thing
and
then I went ahead and changed my ticket, and went to go see my brother, and that didn't help much at all
then I came back home finally, and missed a great deal of school
but
then that's when I first started coming up here, as an outpatient
mm hmm
seeing Dr. Schnell, and
the difficulties were still there at school
and then I just completely broke down one afternoon
I just didn't have any control over myself or over what I was thinking
and
of course all this was accompanied with suicidal tendencies and so forth
that I didn't have any control over
and
then I came up here