Are you in a healthy relationship or are you in a toxic relationship?
If you're dealing with a narcissist,
your red flags might be a little different than they would be if you're dealing with someone who's not a narcissist.
So in today's video, we're going to talk about red flags that might mean a
relationship's in trouble and what the difference is in a healthy relationship and a narcissistic one. Whether or not you're in a
relationship with a narcissist, sometimes might seem irrelevant to you personally and that's because Iabels or
no, your relationship
might be in trouble, and we're going to talk about red flag signs
that your relationship is in trouble and that you need to make some changes. So let's get started.
My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel,
I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome the narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
I like to call it Toxic Relationship Rehab. So if that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button and we'll get going.
Here's the thing: whether or not you're in a relationship with a narcissist, every single relationship on the planet of the
romantic nature is going to have a certain point of no return.
So when it gets to this point,
you may not be able to fix the relationship and sometimes when you're dealing with
narcissists and say a parental relationship, it can cause your romantic relationship to go bad.
However,
sometimes you might be dealing with a narcissist and not know it. I'm gonna share with you some tips
that I have found our big red flags in any
relationship and if you find yourself seeing these red flags,
you might take the time to evaluate whether or not you're dealing with someone who's a narcissist or
whether you're dealing with someone who you can resolve the relationship with. So number one is that you and your partner just kind of
stay clear of each other. You avoid each other and this might be in
actuality as in you physically avoid each other or this could be metaphorical as in you are in the same room
but you're not really there together.
For example: maybe you bust out your cellphone and start typing away to your friends when you're hanging out with your partner alone
or maybe you're just glued to the TV and not really paying attention to each other.
You don't allow time in your schedule to spend time with your partner anymore because you know it will just be so stressful.
Maybe it's just about you know, that every time you hang out together you're gonna argue. Either way,
it kind of ends up where you don't spend enough time with your partner and you're avoiding them when you are spending time with them.
Number two: you find yourself walking on eggshells. As we all know,
this is a common situation in a narcissistic relationship
but even in a regular healthy relationship, you might find yourself walking on eggshells.
This could be because
you feel as though you irritate your partner for no reason or for some reason
or your partner irritates you when you act a certain way. Now,
if you're dealing with a narcissist,
chances are you're gonna be the one walking on eggshells all the time and the narcissist will only pretend to walk on eggshells
when it serves them to manipulate you. But if you're in a healthier relationship, you might still find yourself walking on eggshells
and this is especially true if you kind of have lost communication and you're just reacting to each other instead of actually communicating.
Number three: you stop talking to each other about big decisions.
For example: if you find yourself in a position where you get a job offer in another city,
you might decide whether or not to take that job offer without talking to your partner first. That's a bad thing.
So anytime you're making a big decision in a healthy relationship,
you would talk to your partner about it especially if it involves moving in to a different city, right?
So if you're dealing with that, it's a red flag.
Now if you're dealing with a narcissist, they're going to make these decisions
for you sometimes. So they'll go,
"Yeah,
I'll take that job." and then they'll come home and say,
"We're moving to Texas tomorrow or whatever." without even consulting you because they don't care how you feel.
They don't care that you just started a new business that's thriving
in Ohio. They just want what they want and so there's the difference. Number four: you don't discuss your feelings.
So this could be in the case of a narcissist,
you might not discuss your feelings because you're afraid of them or because you know that they never validate your feelings or in a healthier
relationship, you might not discuss your feelings because you just stop discussing your feelings.
You kind of grow used to each other and you assume that you know
everything base and they everything and nobody actually talks anymore.
Sometimes you'll see a simple shift in behavior in a healthy relationship and it might just be that you start
doing something different to deal with your stress or your anxiety rather than talking with your partner.
Sometimes it'll be that you're focusing on personal goals that have nothing to do with your relationship and you just become distracted by those.
That's pretty normal
but if you want to keep the relationship healthy, take a look at this and go,
"Should I be talking to my partner more?" Now again, if you're dealing with a narcissist,
this is not going to be helpful to you because the narcissist doesn't really want to hear what you have to say unless
it's, "I got it. You're so amazing."
So keep that in mind. If your partner
previously
was very chatty and shared their feelings easily with you and now they're not all of a sudden, if you don't have a lot of
red flags of narcissism it might be worth sitting down with that person and discussing, "Why have we made these changes in our relationship?
What has changed? What is different?" If both of you or either of you are suddenly avoiding physical contact,
that's another sign that you're not connecting and communicating the way you should. Again, if you're dealing with a narcissist,
this is just one more step closer to the door. If you're dealing with a healthy relationship
then it might be time for you to take a moment and spend some time together. And number five"
it's all about the ultimatum. If you were giving an ultimatum every 5 minutes or your partner is giving an ultimatum every 5 minutes,
that's a red flag that there's a problem. That means somebody has gotten to the point where they're done communicating. If
that is the case, you won't negotiate, your partner won't negotiate ... ask yourself who you're dealing with. If you're dealing with someone who is a
narcissist then everything they do will reflect the fact that they are self-centered and that they don't care how you feel
but if you're dealing with a healthy person,
you're gonna see something a little different. You're gonna see someone who does care about how you feel
but they've become incredibly frustrated by something and nobody's willing to bend in the relationship.
So if you're not willing to compromise and your partner's not willing to compromise, that's a red flag. How do you resolve this?
Well,
if you're not dealing with a narcissist
then what you can do is sit down and and figure out why you've come to this stalemate.
What is it really so important to one or the other of you to have things your way and if it is
then find out, "Is that workable in your relationship?"
If you're dealing with a narcissist,
there's no point in attempting to negotiate because the narcissist will only do what the narcissist feels is best
for their own interest. They don't compromise.
So the definition of compromise includes, you know,
both parties bending in, both parties benefiting and coming out satisfied with the outcome.
It's not compromise if you just do what the--
your partner wants and
you don't get anything out of the deal. You--the only thing you've got out of the deal is the partner doesn't get mad at
you. You see what I mean?
Whether or not you can fix the relationship is completely dependent on whether or not both partners are
healthy enough to be willing to grow and change together.
Relationships are hard, my friend. I've talked before about what real love looks like and
this is it.
You've got to compromise. You've got to work together to make it work and sometimes it goes in aloe and things don't seem perfect and
sometimes they seem amazing.
You have to take the time to be grateful for what does work in your
relationship and take the time to work together toward through what doesn't and if you are dealing with a narcissist,
you have to understand that you're going to have to put your needs first because no one else in that relationship is going to do
that. I
think one of the most important parts of narcissistic awareness is
understanding that a narcissist is not just someone who's full of
themselves or someone who thinks they're better than everyone. A
narcissist is actually driven by something like shame or an idealized version of themselves, a mask if you will. They've convinced themselves
and many people around them if there's someone they're just not. The thing is that the way the
narcissist copes with all these issues that they have whether they're related to their own lack of self-esteem or
something much bigger are very abusive coping techniques.
Narcissists tend to abuse the people closest to them verbally, emotionally and sometimes otherwise. We see this type of deep psychological
abuse and many people in the cluster B spectrum but in this case... today, we're talking specifically about
narcissist or people with narcissistic
personality disorder.
There are lots of different qualities and I'll link to some videos for you above
and in the description below. If you're dealing with someone who shows a marked lack of empathy and who treats other people in their lives
with that lack of empathy especially people closest to them and even sometimes complete strangers, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Narcissists are certainly selfish but they also have a lot more under the hood than you think.
For example, they tend to have a really distorted self-image. Their emotions can be very intense and incredibly unstable.
Sometimes they're very vain. Sometimes they feel inadequate. They struggle with power and personal
adequacy in general but here's the thing, most narcissists...
In fact, every toxic narcissist, anyone whether they have narcissistic
personality disorder or they just have traits of a narcissist, the biggest and I think most defining and most
unifying quality of all the different types of toxic narcissists is
the marked lack of empathy and the sense of superiority and grandiosity whether they're obvious about it or not.
Because they like empathy, narcissists are
notably unable to concern themselves with other people's feelings.
Their sense of self-importance gives them a really intense
preoccupation with themselves and their own needs and they tend to use other people in their lives
especially those closest to them as sources of narcissistic supply. This can be a partner.
This can be a child or a parent or it could be a brother or a sister or a co-worker, a friend.
It doesn't really matter. It can be anyone close to them.
They will use any and all of the people that are close to them as narcissistic
supply. The narcissistic supply is essentially an emotional dumpster for the narcissist.
They may agitate
you into screaming at them or crying to them or being upset or scared or angry or whatever and then throw that all back in
your face and call you an abuser just for one example.
Narcissists are known for their blatant disrespect of other people
especially those closest to them. While they seem to have an extreme sense of self-worth, the truth is that
underneath their masks they secretly think they're inadequate most of the time. On the flip side of that,
they tend to be easily irritated and very quick to anger. Here are a few more traits
you might find in your average toxic narcissists. They have a big appetite for attention from other people.
They need it like we need air and water.
They have big jealous issues all the time, extreme feelings of jealousy as well as causing jealousy in their partners sometimes. Major
expectations of a certain kind of treatment usually better than everyone else and usually
above and beyond the laws of even the land they live in. They always want special treatment.
They exaggerate stuff like their talents and their achievements and their importance and their money.
They are so sensitive to criticism and they have this tendency to feel really rejected and hurt with even just the most tiny
provocation. They have a really hard time maintaining good relationships. I know you're shocked.
They often have grandiose fantasies about their own importance and wealth and popularity and etc.
They are all about taking advantage of other people and they have no conscious when they do it.
They believe that they are special and unique and should only associate with similar special unique people. And again, the uniting quality being
that they lack empathy for other people and they act on that. Normal people act on empathy. We think to ourselves,
"Well, what would I feel like if I were in that situation?"
Narcissists never do that. They don't ever do it because they think they're different and special. They think other people are beneath them,
not as good as them or that they're not even real people. One last interesting quality about
narcissist is that they tend to think whatever they like, whatever they want is the thing. It's the biggest most important special thing.
So for example, if you're watching a movie with a narcissist and they told you beforehand, "Hey!
This is my favorite movie."
even if they didn't tell you sometimes and you say, "You know, I don't really like this movie very much. Can we watch something else?"
You're in trouble. Same deal if they take you to a restaurant
they love and let's say you don't like what you've got to eat,
suddenly you're in big trouble because you don't like the same things they like, that you didn't like the restaurant or whatever.
This is an example of how narcissists think there's so much more important and more exclusive and special than everyone else. All of these qualities
lead them to abuse the people in their lives
psychologically, mentally, emotionally,
sometimes physically. This leads me to the question of the day and the question of the day is have you been here?
Have you experienced narcissistic abuse? Share your thoughts. Share your ideas. Share your experiences
in the comments section below and let's talk about it. All right. That's all I've got for you right now. As always,
thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey,
thanks for letting me be a part of yours. It really does mean a lot to me.
Make sure you take a look at the links
I'm leaving for you here and here and hit that subscribe button
if you want to learn more about narcissistic abuse and recovery and check out the links I left for you in the cards above.
I'll see you soon!