There's got to be some trick, right? How to calm down a hyper child? A lot of you
have been asking. I've got five specific ideas that I think are going to help. The
first tip is not going to surprise you at all. You get to be the example of calm
and peaceful and centered and mindful, right? Is that too much pressure? What you
do speak so much louder than what you say. Find ways to show up as that calm
parent. You've noticed haven't you that when our kids get a little out of
control sometimes that tips us over to? Most of the comments that we get here on
the channel steer us back to how do I stay calm
when my kids are out of control? This is something that we as parents get to work
on a little bit. We've got other videos here on the channel. In fact, if you
haven't checked out the positive personal development playlist here on
the channel check it out it's a little different from the positive parenting
playlist because we're focusing on you. We're focusing on how you can develop
those kinds of skills. Being that example is the most important thing on my list
today. So I'm giving it to you right up front. But let's get practical also about
what we can do with a hyper child. Don't insist. Invite. There's a little
difference. Do you feel the energy? Instead of insisting, "Hey, calm down. You
need to calm down right now." Take a more inviting kind of an approach. "I'm going
to give you an opportunity to calm down a little bit," Now, that might not seem
significant but it changes the energy. And then you're going to back off enough
to give them a little bit of time. I have a colleague who shared an example from
his own son who was freaking out. They were in the car and this kid is just
going bonkers. Right? My colleague turned around in the
car before he even started the car. And he said to his son, "Aaron, how long do you
need?" Meaning, how long do you need for this little hyperactive fit to continue?
And it was so interesting the response that he got. Because his son was actually
listening. But you wouldn't have known that before. And he paused for a minute
while his son responded. "About, about 2 minutes." "2 minutes.
Okay." Can you hang on for 2 minutes while your kid kind of works through it?
And it didn't take air in 2 minutes. He was able to get through it a lot more
quickly. Invite rather than insist. And then back off and give a little bit of
space and time for them to respond to it. Let's go a whole different direction for
a minute. What kind of environment have you set up? Is your environment, your home,
your classroom, wherever it is that you want the kids to be calm. Is it conducive
to calm? This might have something to do with the physical setup of the home. As
you look at your environment, does it suggest calming or is it a little
chaotic or cluttered? The environment has a lot to do with what triggers our kids.
What about music? Now, there are a lot of different kinds of music. We have this
magic little speaker in our house that goes by the name Alexa. I think there's
other names too. But we can just talk to this speaker and
say play some calming music. And somehow, Alexa figures out how to do that. You
might have a playlist that consists of the kinds of music that tend to calm the
environment. And there are other kinds of music that are going to hype it up. Pay
attention to that because children are very susceptible to the environment. In
fact, do a little experiment. Just try playing some calming music in the
background and see what happens. It might reveal some things that would
be very useful. Kids are very suggestible and their coachable.
So we can teach our children to calm themselves. And I suggest that you take a
time every day. At least once a day. Maybe multiple times where you practice quiet
time. A lot of parents do this really naturally because they kind of need some
quiet time themselves. It might be around nap time. It might be at just some random
time that you choose where you announce quiet time. And you practice it with the
kids. Well what's appropriate to do during quiet time? Maybe this is when we
read books where we work quietly on a puzzle or we color a picture or we take
a nap. All of these things would be appropriate for quiet time. Having a
designated quiet time helps to cue in that child's mind to shift gears from
what they might normally be used to doing bouncing off the walls. And instead
having a little period of time where they're doing something very different.
One of the things that might help with this is to have some visual cues that
it's quiet time. I know one month at I worked with had a plate hanging on the
refrigerator. It was a paper plate that she had colored green on one side. And
red on the other. And she simply would rotate that plate and show either the
green side or the red side depending on whether it was quiet time or some other
time. And so green means go. You're free to play and interact and do whatever it
is that you normally do. Red means stop. And the kids picked up on this very
quickly. Stop running around. Stop doing what I normally do and settle into quiet
time. The visual cues will help. Now, may I say a few words about screen time? We
live in the information age. You're watching me on a screen. We get a lot of
our information through our devices or through the television. Screens tend to
be very highly loaded with stimuli that encourage activity not
calming. Understanding just a little bit about developmental psychology helps us
with this because our children's brains are in a very formative state. And they
are very susceptible to the kinds of stimulation that come through screens.
Without getting into all of the details about that, there are different modes of
brain functioning. The kind of brain functioning that is stimulated by a
screen tends to drive levels of activity. And even hyperactivity. I think one of
the reasons that we have so much of this in our society now is because of the
prevalence of screens. So, I'm going to encourage you as parents to limit the
screen time. And especially screens that carry very little purpose. I've been in
homes before where the television is always on. Not a good idea
developmentally. And you're going to have kids who are a little more hyperactive
if that's the case in your home. Just turn it off. Turn on the music instead.
Some kind of calming music. Or encourage the kids to engage in physical activity.
Kids who play physically get better brain development. Sitting, watching a
screen. The tablet, the television, the phone. Those things are okay in very
limited doses but we've got way too much of it going on for our kids. Pay
attention to that and just do a little audit maybe in your own home to see how
much screen time is actually happening. That's something that I think could
really help with the activity levels. You're doing a great job as a parent. The
fact that you're here, that you're conscious that you're asking questions
and looking for answers. My hat goes off to you. We have created resources for you
as a conscious parent. ParentingPowerUp. com is the website. You can click to it
down there in the description are over here on the site as
well. The Parenting Power-Up is a group of resources that we put together for you
as a parent. So that you can have the tools that you need to stay calm when
your kids are going crazy. Do the kind of discipline that really helps your
kids connect to principles and to help you feel that you've got control as a
parent. We've got your back. Vicki and I have put this together just
for you. Parentingpowerup.com check it out.